I feel like I can't breathe....
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
I feel like I can't breathe....
Hey everyone,
I'm needing a little support (ok, maybe a lot of support) I'm trying not to write too much, but I really need some advice/help/words of wisdom.
I'm not manageing my pain so well, I read Anns post today, and I keep re-reading it.
I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like someone took what little hope I had left (for him/us) and threw it out the door.
I was driving today, and felt an anxiety attack comming on (I do have issues w/ panic attacks).
I realized it must be the loss of control over my situation with him, stirring up my panic.
I guess one of the things I 'got out of keeping him here'... was some level of control in my mind. Not in reality, I know, but in my mind, there was still hope, and perhaps a little control.
I knew this would happen when I finally asked him to leave, but I don't want to go back to my old ways of 'dealing' with this level of pain.
I (in the past attempts) either 'listened' to him when he called, or I called him 'needing to talk'. Either way we would end up putting a band-aid on the situation, we'd get back together & my pain would temporarily go away.
I can't do that this time. I finally have gained enough support here to know why I did those things in the past, and that this is a hard cycle to break.
What do I do?? I know people say 'stay busy' 'enjoy your kids' do this- do that.....
I don't want to. (here comes the little kid inside of me kicking and screaming). I want answers, I want resolve. I want him to at least say he is sorry for causeing me such pain- I don't want to feel as unloved as I do right now. I don't want to feel like a VICTIM, and yet, that is how I feel.
I feel taken for granted, I feel disrespected. I feel like he has left now, is on his merry way- doing as he pleases, with no regard to the aftermath he has left in our home.
I want to feel like the strong, beautiful, funny, intellegent woman that I know I am.... but I don't .
I want to be honest with my feelings- I CAN NOT heal without telling myself and anyone I trust, what I honestly am going through. No matter how pathetic I sound. (and I know I sound pathetic right now.)
But, I don't know what to do with the pain. I don't know how to feel like I can take a deep breath, and not feel hurt and tears comming on. I don't know how to make dinner, and feel happy- like I did when he was here. Instead, it took all I could tonight to shower, and go to get taco bell for the kids, I didn't want to cook.
Nice huh??
I don't want to go to work in the a.m.... that just means having to put on a fake happy smile for the world to see.
Now I know what I would tell ANYONE in my situation, I would say 'fake it till you make it'. I know I would say that I have to love myself, and not be dependant on someone else being the source of my happiness......
But I'm sooooooo friggin sad. It hurts, I feel like he died. He's gone. And he has to stay gone for my own good.
I miss my old friend. I miss that person who at one time was my partner, lover,friend, confidant, I miss all that we had planned.... I'm crying so hard right now writing to you all.... what do I do with that pain??
Please help me understand- because I surely don't.
Love,
Cessy
I'm needing a little support (ok, maybe a lot of support) I'm trying not to write too much, but I really need some advice/help/words of wisdom.
I'm not manageing my pain so well, I read Anns post today, and I keep re-reading it.
I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like someone took what little hope I had left (for him/us) and threw it out the door.
I was driving today, and felt an anxiety attack comming on (I do have issues w/ panic attacks).
I realized it must be the loss of control over my situation with him, stirring up my panic.
I guess one of the things I 'got out of keeping him here'... was some level of control in my mind. Not in reality, I know, but in my mind, there was still hope, and perhaps a little control.
I knew this would happen when I finally asked him to leave, but I don't want to go back to my old ways of 'dealing' with this level of pain.
I (in the past attempts) either 'listened' to him when he called, or I called him 'needing to talk'. Either way we would end up putting a band-aid on the situation, we'd get back together & my pain would temporarily go away.
I can't do that this time. I finally have gained enough support here to know why I did those things in the past, and that this is a hard cycle to break.
What do I do?? I know people say 'stay busy' 'enjoy your kids' do this- do that.....
I don't want to. (here comes the little kid inside of me kicking and screaming). I want answers, I want resolve. I want him to at least say he is sorry for causeing me such pain- I don't want to feel as unloved as I do right now. I don't want to feel like a VICTIM, and yet, that is how I feel.
I feel taken for granted, I feel disrespected. I feel like he has left now, is on his merry way- doing as he pleases, with no regard to the aftermath he has left in our home.
I want to feel like the strong, beautiful, funny, intellegent woman that I know I am.... but I don't .
I want to be honest with my feelings- I CAN NOT heal without telling myself and anyone I trust, what I honestly am going through. No matter how pathetic I sound. (and I know I sound pathetic right now.)
But, I don't know what to do with the pain. I don't know how to feel like I can take a deep breath, and not feel hurt and tears comming on. I don't know how to make dinner, and feel happy- like I did when he was here. Instead, it took all I could tonight to shower, and go to get taco bell for the kids, I didn't want to cook.
Nice huh??
I don't want to go to work in the a.m.... that just means having to put on a fake happy smile for the world to see.
Now I know what I would tell ANYONE in my situation, I would say 'fake it till you make it'. I know I would say that I have to love myself, and not be dependant on someone else being the source of my happiness......
But I'm sooooooo friggin sad. It hurts, I feel like he died. He's gone. And he has to stay gone for my own good.
I miss my old friend. I miss that person who at one time was my partner, lover,friend, confidant, I miss all that we had planned.... I'm crying so hard right now writing to you all.... what do I do with that pain??
Please help me understand- because I surely don't.
Love,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
What you're going through is actually a grieving process, and you can expect to feel the stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and eventually acceptance. Grieving can only be done by you, and it's unique to each situation. And the only way past is through, unfortunately. I'm sorry it hurts so much.
To change, we have to leave things behind, and we grieve the loss of what was, and what was familiar, and what we had hoped for that wasn't. It's hard, hard work, and takes whatever time it takes.
Hugs to you.
CLMI
To change, we have to leave things behind, and we grieve the loss of what was, and what was familiar, and what we had hoped for that wasn't. It's hard, hard work, and takes whatever time it takes.
Hugs to you.
CLMI
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Cessy,
Yes, you are in grief right now....bites doesn't it? When I split with my ex, I would cry in the shower in the morning, cry in the car on the way to work, cry in the bathroom at work, cry on the drive home, sometimes cry at home so hard it would make me sick to my stomach--literally. When my ex had his affair and filed for a divorce, I thought I was unlovable and would never ever be happy again. But....
All I can tell you is...it WILL pass. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but hour by hour, day by day, it will pass. You have a wonderful new life ahead free from addiction, abuse and pain!
Please try to relax tonight and just make it through tonight knowing you are doing the right thing for you.
:ghug3
HG
Yes, you are in grief right now....bites doesn't it? When I split with my ex, I would cry in the shower in the morning, cry in the car on the way to work, cry in the bathroom at work, cry on the drive home, sometimes cry at home so hard it would make me sick to my stomach--literally. When my ex had his affair and filed for a divorce, I thought I was unlovable and would never ever be happy again. But....
All I can tell you is...it WILL pass. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but hour by hour, day by day, it will pass. You have a wonderful new life ahead free from addiction, abuse and pain!
Please try to relax tonight and just make it through tonight knowing you are doing the right thing for you.
:ghug3
HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Just keep telling yourself that the only way out is through. I agree with Cat. It is a grieving process and you have to let yourself grieve. Easy does it. Take care of yourself and just keep doing what you are doing. Trust that you are right where you need to be. Every life has periods of pain and sadness. And every life has periods of joy. Sending some prayers that you feel that joy soon. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Cess honey you are NOT pathetic.
You are beginning to realize that you DONT have control and that is what is causing you to have all of this anxiety. I know I have been there.
Accept that this is the way you feel. Its not right and its not wrong. Its how you feel.
As for an apology....A heart felt meaningful apology is what you want. You will not get that from the person he is TODAY. Please understand that. He is an addict and the only thing that he is sorry for is that his cushy landing is gone. I know that sounds harsh but its true.
These first few days are the most difficult because it would be so easy to fold right now. Imagine in your mind how you want your bf to really treat you. Imagine him giving you the heartfelt apology. Imagine him getting help. Imagine him getting better and being the person that he used to be. Now hold those thoughts in your mind. Hold it. Hold it. Now compare the person the you kicked out yesterday to the person in your mind. Its NOT the SAME person. Use that as your gauge.
Seperate him in your mind. There is the addict. The person who makes you feel terrible. The person who chooses to do drugs over having a relationship with you. The person who lies to you and tells you he will be home soon only to stop at a bar and not answer your calls. That is the addict. That is the person you kicked out.
Now think of the person that he used to be. The person you fell in love with. The person that was deserving of your love. He is being CONTROLLED by his addiction and he cant be that person right now.
Keep reminding yourself of what you will and what you wont accept. You kicked out an addict. Remember that. You are deserving of the love YOU want. Remember that.
YOu know that I am here. If you need me......
You are beginning to realize that you DONT have control and that is what is causing you to have all of this anxiety. I know I have been there.
Accept that this is the way you feel. Its not right and its not wrong. Its how you feel.
As for an apology....A heart felt meaningful apology is what you want. You will not get that from the person he is TODAY. Please understand that. He is an addict and the only thing that he is sorry for is that his cushy landing is gone. I know that sounds harsh but its true.
These first few days are the most difficult because it would be so easy to fold right now. Imagine in your mind how you want your bf to really treat you. Imagine him giving you the heartfelt apology. Imagine him getting help. Imagine him getting better and being the person that he used to be. Now hold those thoughts in your mind. Hold it. Hold it. Now compare the person the you kicked out yesterday to the person in your mind. Its NOT the SAME person. Use that as your gauge.
Seperate him in your mind. There is the addict. The person who makes you feel terrible. The person who chooses to do drugs over having a relationship with you. The person who lies to you and tells you he will be home soon only to stop at a bar and not answer your calls. That is the addict. That is the person you kicked out.
Now think of the person that he used to be. The person you fell in love with. The person that was deserving of your love. He is being CONTROLLED by his addiction and he cant be that person right now.
Keep reminding yourself of what you will and what you wont accept. You kicked out an addict. Remember that. You are deserving of the love YOU want. Remember that.
YOu know that I am here. If you need me......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sweetie, I remember the feelings...crying so hard I literally couldn't catch my breathe, then the fingers going numb because I was hyperventilating. Thinking my eyes were going to be red and puffy for the rest of my life, from crying. Wanting that heart-felt apology, and him telling me that he just couldn't live without me, and knowing that I wasn't going to get it, and even if I did, it would be a lie.
I got through it, and so will you, but the only way through it IS through it. I know you don't think you can get through this, but you can. Do what you have to do...go to work, take care of the kids, eat, and sleep. Stick close to SR and any other support you have. LOOK for little things that make you smile..you may not see them at first, but if you keep looking you will eventually see them.
Hang in there, hon. It will be okay.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I got through it, and so will you, but the only way through it IS through it. I know you don't think you can get through this, but you can. Do what you have to do...go to work, take care of the kids, eat, and sleep. Stick close to SR and any other support you have. LOOK for little things that make you smile..you may not see them at first, but if you keep looking you will eventually see them.
Hang in there, hon. It will be okay.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Do a search on Amazon for: The Grief Recovery Handbook. It saved my life. An excerpt:
Again, awesome book. It saved my life. I never advocate books like this. This one is the sole exception.
If you are reading this book, there is a high probability that your heart is broken.
It may have been caused by a death, either recent or long ago.
It may have been caused by a divorce or the breakup of a romantic relationship.
It may have been caused by any of the more than forty other losses that a person can encounter during a lifetime.
Regardless of the cause of your broken heart, you know how you feel, and it probably isn't good.
We are not going to tell you how you feel. You already know. And we will not tell you, "we know how you feel" because we don't. Neither does anyone else.
Even though you've endured painful changes in the circumstances of your life, we are going to tell you what actions you need to take to regain a sense of well-being.
It may have been caused by a death, either recent or long ago.
It may have been caused by a divorce or the breakup of a romantic relationship.
It may have been caused by any of the more than forty other losses that a person can encounter during a lifetime.
Regardless of the cause of your broken heart, you know how you feel, and it probably isn't good.
We are not going to tell you how you feel. You already know. And we will not tell you, "we know how you feel" because we don't. Neither does anyone else.
Even though you've endured painful changes in the circumstances of your life, we are going to tell you what actions you need to take to regain a sense of well-being.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
:ghug3
To all my friends. I guess I can see now, why my therapist kept trying to get me to meetings....
Having this support - from people who have walked it, is priceless.
Perhaps we should do a new mastercard commercial!! - here's how it would go...
"computer, 1200 on debit master card. Power cord that breaks constantly... 180 on debit master card. Wireless router so you can take your laptop to bed with you.... 85 on debit master card..... doing all this so you can talk to friends across the world on SR.... priceless!!!"
My sense of humor is back in a matter of hrs, just from getting it out, and listening to all of you....
Thanks, and love,
Cessy
To all my friends. I guess I can see now, why my therapist kept trying to get me to meetings....
Having this support - from people who have walked it, is priceless.
Perhaps we should do a new mastercard commercial!! - here's how it would go...
"computer, 1200 on debit master card. Power cord that breaks constantly... 180 on debit master card. Wireless router so you can take your laptop to bed with you.... 85 on debit master card..... doing all this so you can talk to friends across the world on SR.... priceless!!!"
My sense of humor is back in a matter of hrs, just from getting it out, and listening to all of you....
Thanks, and love,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I agree with everyone that its grief - you may never be able to understand what went on with him or why this happened but you can understand yourself and why you are feeling this way.
I offer some practical advice - just some things that have worked for me when i felt this way but of course everyone finds their own way to reduce stress.
i suffer from panic attacks. The last time my son went missing i almost headed to the hospital they were so bad. I knew in my head I wasnt having a heart attack but I couldnt breath and my heart was pounding out of my chest. Its a horrible uncontrollable feeling. The last ones really took a toll on me physically - just because I knew that they were "just panic attacks" didnt mean that they didnt hurt and have an effect on me physically. So for me, i headed straight to the doctors office. They checked me out and gave me a non-narcotic med to help. It was not something that in anyway affected my mind - it just calmed my nerves down a bit. I only stayed on that a little while and switched back to herbal remedies. St. Johns Wart is something my body responds to very well - i also take other herbs at times and iron to keep my strength up. I know everyone is different but for me - I dont cry as much and I dont have as many uncontrollable emotions when i take that regularly (it does take a little while to have an effect). Even with herbs i suggest talking to a doctor if you are on any other medications because they can affect prescription meds.
But anyway for that really bad time i did take a prescription. I also got three (yes only three) sleeping pills so that I could get a few restful nights sleep - I have a great doc who doesnt prescribe me anything addictive especially since she knows i have an AS who could get a hold of them. (i know some on here dont believe in sleeping pills but I suffer from insomnia and believe me the body doesnt always just sleep when it needs to - in fact typically mine gets progressively worse.)
The last thing i did was eat extremely healthy and take things very easy for a few days. I piddled around my house, ate, slept, played with my daughter, watched movies. What I guess I find for me is that when my body and mind are rested and I have good healthy energy running through me - these times are much easier to deal with.
So please Cessy - as soon as you have a day or two off - stop for a little while - or take a day or two off sick if you have those days. The laundry wont explode if you dont do it, it'll be okay if you dont run those errands you need to, life wont cease to exist if you just take a mental vacation for a day or two and get your body and mind strong. Another thing i find that helps is fill your mind with positive things. Dont make the mistake i made the other night by watching shows like Intervention or love stories - that just keeps those thoughts in the forefront of your mind. Instead fill your mind with things that create positive energy. Above all find someway to laugh -it is the best thing you can ever do to reduce stress in your body. I like watching silly movies with my kids - just hearing them laugh so hard at silly jokes makes me laugh.
I offer some practical advice - just some things that have worked for me when i felt this way but of course everyone finds their own way to reduce stress.
i suffer from panic attacks. The last time my son went missing i almost headed to the hospital they were so bad. I knew in my head I wasnt having a heart attack but I couldnt breath and my heart was pounding out of my chest. Its a horrible uncontrollable feeling. The last ones really took a toll on me physically - just because I knew that they were "just panic attacks" didnt mean that they didnt hurt and have an effect on me physically. So for me, i headed straight to the doctors office. They checked me out and gave me a non-narcotic med to help. It was not something that in anyway affected my mind - it just calmed my nerves down a bit. I only stayed on that a little while and switched back to herbal remedies. St. Johns Wart is something my body responds to very well - i also take other herbs at times and iron to keep my strength up. I know everyone is different but for me - I dont cry as much and I dont have as many uncontrollable emotions when i take that regularly (it does take a little while to have an effect). Even with herbs i suggest talking to a doctor if you are on any other medications because they can affect prescription meds.
But anyway for that really bad time i did take a prescription. I also got three (yes only three) sleeping pills so that I could get a few restful nights sleep - I have a great doc who doesnt prescribe me anything addictive especially since she knows i have an AS who could get a hold of them. (i know some on here dont believe in sleeping pills but I suffer from insomnia and believe me the body doesnt always just sleep when it needs to - in fact typically mine gets progressively worse.)
The last thing i did was eat extremely healthy and take things very easy for a few days. I piddled around my house, ate, slept, played with my daughter, watched movies. What I guess I find for me is that when my body and mind are rested and I have good healthy energy running through me - these times are much easier to deal with.
So please Cessy - as soon as you have a day or two off - stop for a little while - or take a day or two off sick if you have those days. The laundry wont explode if you dont do it, it'll be okay if you dont run those errands you need to, life wont cease to exist if you just take a mental vacation for a day or two and get your body and mind strong. Another thing i find that helps is fill your mind with positive things. Dont make the mistake i made the other night by watching shows like Intervention or love stories - that just keeps those thoughts in the forefront of your mind. Instead fill your mind with things that create positive energy. Above all find someway to laugh -it is the best thing you can ever do to reduce stress in your body. I like watching silly movies with my kids - just hearing them laugh so hard at silly jokes makes me laugh.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
Aw Cessy.
It broke my heart reading your post. All the times i would break up with my abf would be emotional torture. Everytime he would get high and leave depressing voicemail messages would break me and i'd know a breakup would be on the cards, and each time was more painful than the last.
I would cry in my car, cry in my bedroom, in the mornin, night and i found even the smallest things would take forever to do and would feel like hard work. I struggled to put on a brave face, and i would barely smile.
Each time this happens i go through the same feelings. My world feels like it crashes down. Everyone else is happy but me, but i know deep down it's just something i have to ride through.
There is no point trying to stop yourself from feelin upset or hurt. We just have to allow the pain, and accept it.
And as soon as you feel just a tiny bit calmer and less hurt, treat yourself. Even if it's just a hot chocolate with a friend in a cafe. It's nice.
I'm here for you too and if you wanna talk more just pm me anytime.
~Limiya~
It broke my heart reading your post. All the times i would break up with my abf would be emotional torture. Everytime he would get high and leave depressing voicemail messages would break me and i'd know a breakup would be on the cards, and each time was more painful than the last.
I would cry in my car, cry in my bedroom, in the mornin, night and i found even the smallest things would take forever to do and would feel like hard work. I struggled to put on a brave face, and i would barely smile.
Each time this happens i go through the same feelings. My world feels like it crashes down. Everyone else is happy but me, but i know deep down it's just something i have to ride through.
There is no point trying to stop yourself from feelin upset or hurt. We just have to allow the pain, and accept it.
And as soon as you feel just a tiny bit calmer and less hurt, treat yourself. Even if it's just a hot chocolate with a friend in a cafe. It's nice.
I'm here for you too and if you wanna talk more just pm me anytime.
~Limiya~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I too suffered from massive panic attacks in my early 30's, following the death of my father. They ceased when I became pregnant with my daughter.....probably because I thought I had a new situation I could control.
Years later, when I learned of my daughter's addiction, the panic returned with a vengence.....my reaction to loss of control. There were times, early on, that I could not even drive because I became overwhelmed with panic. Just walking was an effort as it felt like the ground gave way. I got that under control when I began stalking my daughter....walking into horrible situations and "rescuing" my daughter from evil people and drugs.
My daughter was in three different rehabs, in three different states, in a span of about 12 days. Talk about being crazed. The last " transfer" was from Minneapolis to L.A. We traveled with an escort because I thought it quite possible she would bolt. Anyway, my daughter and her escort proceeded down an escalator in the airport and I chose the adjoining escalator, with the thought that I could race to the bottom and be there before my daughter got there. Within seconds, I realized that my escalator was going to a different level than the one my daughter was going to.
So what does a crazed 50 something, out of shape, mother do in this situation? I turned around and decided to charge up the down escalator. This is easier said than done and I lost my footing and I fell, fell hard, real hard. I rode the escalator down on my belly, the wrong way and got caught up in the mechanics, at the bottom. My top got caught in the mehanisms. My hair got caught. I pulled myself out and left a huge chunk of hair and a part of my top behind and I ran, screaming, looking for my daughter.
That was the literal and figurative bottom, for me. I realized then that I had as big a problem with control as my daughter had with drugs- that I was capable of doing anything to fix the problem and it was going to kill me, if I persisted.
That was the day that I began to let go of a situation, I had no control over. I can laugh about it, now.
Cessy, you are vulnerable right now. This too shall pass. Trust me. It will. And you will emerge stronger than ever. And yeah, at some point, you will laugh about some of it, too.
Years later, when I learned of my daughter's addiction, the panic returned with a vengence.....my reaction to loss of control. There were times, early on, that I could not even drive because I became overwhelmed with panic. Just walking was an effort as it felt like the ground gave way. I got that under control when I began stalking my daughter....walking into horrible situations and "rescuing" my daughter from evil people and drugs.
My daughter was in three different rehabs, in three different states, in a span of about 12 days. Talk about being crazed. The last " transfer" was from Minneapolis to L.A. We traveled with an escort because I thought it quite possible she would bolt. Anyway, my daughter and her escort proceeded down an escalator in the airport and I chose the adjoining escalator, with the thought that I could race to the bottom and be there before my daughter got there. Within seconds, I realized that my escalator was going to a different level than the one my daughter was going to.
So what does a crazed 50 something, out of shape, mother do in this situation? I turned around and decided to charge up the down escalator. This is easier said than done and I lost my footing and I fell, fell hard, real hard. I rode the escalator down on my belly, the wrong way and got caught up in the mechanics, at the bottom. My top got caught in the mehanisms. My hair got caught. I pulled myself out and left a huge chunk of hair and a part of my top behind and I ran, screaming, looking for my daughter.
That was the literal and figurative bottom, for me. I realized then that I had as big a problem with control as my daughter had with drugs- that I was capable of doing anything to fix the problem and it was going to kill me, if I persisted.
That was the day that I began to let go of a situation, I had no control over. I can laugh about it, now.
Cessy, you are vulnerable right now. This too shall pass. Trust me. It will. And you will emerge stronger than ever. And yeah, at some point, you will laugh about some of it, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Thanks outto,
The panic attacks always strike me when driving for some reason. Funny, a couple people here made reference to their struggles with panic disorder.
I wonder if there is a correlation with codies-and panic disorder....... both really do stem for needing a sense of 'control' or feeling 'out of control'.
HMMM.
Thanks,
I'm glad to hear you are healthy and strong now.
I can always hear that strength in your posts..............
Love,
Cessy
The panic attacks always strike me when driving for some reason. Funny, a couple people here made reference to their struggles with panic disorder.
I wonder if there is a correlation with codies-and panic disorder....... both really do stem for needing a sense of 'control' or feeling 'out of control'.
HMMM.
Thanks,
I'm glad to hear you are healthy and strong now.
I can always hear that strength in your posts..............
Love,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Cessy i do think the panic attacks are a control issue. Mine usually happen when i'm in situations that are completely out of my control - my body freaks out - so then i cant control the situation or my own body. We seek to control things and i guess this is our version of withdrawals. But it does serve a pupose becuase it reminds me to stop and take care of myself. When i start going through those i know that I'm loosing control of myself and that i need to back away from the situation.
I have them in the car a lot too - maybe its just all the stimulus and the fact that when i'm in the car a lot of times i'm thinking or talking to myself. I have a bad habit of "rehearsing" conversations when i'm driving - something i'm trying to stop doing becuase then i'm projecting and when i have my "speech" rehearsed i dont listen to other people. So i've started making myself sing, pray, or quote verses in my head whenever those thoughts start coming up - its just obsessive thinking and i def think way too much.
I have them in the car a lot too - maybe its just all the stimulus and the fact that when i'm in the car a lot of times i'm thinking or talking to myself. I have a bad habit of "rehearsing" conversations when i'm driving - something i'm trying to stop doing becuase then i'm projecting and when i have my "speech" rehearsed i dont listen to other people. So i've started making myself sing, pray, or quote verses in my head whenever those thoughts start coming up - its just obsessive thinking and i def think way too much.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
the pain & stress will kill us if we let it. my addict is my son & i worked hard everyday on my recovery knowing i could not do anything to fix him. he was going to use if he wanted to. i say a prayer everyday for God to take care of him & my grandson. i turn him over & that is all i can do. it takes work,it takes pratice but i promise it will get better. hugs & prayers,
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by cessy68 
I miss my old friend. I miss that person who at one time was my partner, lover,friend, confidant, I miss all that we had planned.... I'm crying so hard right now writing to you all.... what do I do with that pain??
My list of things includes: go for a walk, take a hot shower, eat something I like, get some exercise, play with my kids, watch a movie.
The thing that has helped me the most is regular exercise. Running is my all purpose medicine.
I only have to get through this day. Time will take care of the rest. I've found that this kind of grief fades with time.
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