mtr

Tonight he had a serious mood swing. Not sure if its related to money matters, alcohol, or a combination of both. Why am I trying to figure it out?! I'm taking small steps towards my own recovery; trying to set boundaries, but not doing a good job at sticking to them.

His dilemma: The roller coaster started this week-end when my husband realized that his licenses was suspended by the courts because he failed to pay a court fees. His reason - he forgot. He had recently been to court to get a restricted licenses (w/interlock in the car). Of course all of this came about because of a DUI (or two). It's been almost six years since he had a license. So the court notice of suspension was a big downer.

His solution: He immediately turns to me "the provoker" to solve the problem. "What's the game plan?" I've always fixed the problem. I've paid court fees, paid for the interlock installation, and the fees to reinstate his license. And when I say "no, I've done enough" - he gets a 'tude. Why can't I help? I make enough money...I have resources...I can borrow it! All reasonable solutions to his, but he's not the one paying it back. Promises, promises.

So what do I do - I continued the cycle. Again I paid the fees I could afford to pay hoping to ease the burden. But it doesn't. He calls me at work with yet another fee and again looks to me to fix this one too. I suggested he figure it out.

The challenge: For me is to let him.

mtr

GiveLove

Your challenge indeed, mtr. But what a worthwhile challenge.....
We're with you.

drained22

you could always get up and leave and tell him you'll be back when he "comes back" too.

Daisy30

It is good that you see it.

Remember we need to step out of the way so they can hit their bottom. If we (codees) keep fixing things, the A's inour lives will never feel the consequenses of thier actions.

Think about you. Sure you have the money, but wouldn't it be better spent on you? Or put away for "your" rainy day. take care! keep posting

brundle

Funny how they are smart enough to hook up with a person who can "fix" everything for them, but they aren't smart enough to do anything for themselves.

My husband becomes Mr. Hyde each time I say "NO" or maybe it's a two year old throwing a tantrum on the floor. At this point the only reason I play nice with him is to keep him from getting this creepy look in his eye like he wants to choke me; just until I can get out.

Like yesterday he wanted me to call off of work for him. I told him sorry I was on my way to the store. (I wasn't) Then I just left. When I came back he did it himself and was sleeping his hangover off. I don't know about you; I get really sick of lying for my AH.

mtr

brundle,

I'm very familiar with that creepy look in his eyes and the two year old tantrums. On occasion I've wondered if I needed to pack a bag and devise my plan of escape in case that crazed look tuned ugly.

I've never lied for him regarding work. He does a good enough job screwing himself over when it come to that. He's not working now because of his irresponsible habits.

embraced2000

intimidation used to work for me.....until i decided i cleaned up my own deals, an he needed t do the same.

that creepy look.....ewwwwww. after a few times of ignoring it, it becomes quite natural to say 'no'

Seren

You have support here, mtr! You are being very strong and true to yourself by letting him solve his own self-created problems! Good for you! Little steps....create boundaries....enforce them....

Please take care! Hugs!
HG