Angel09

My relatives are driving me crazy. There is a group of them who have long histories of using drugs and drinking, but the drug use has always altered their minds the most. One of them was with a man (a methamphetamine user)who traveled to two States for sales and theft (and whatever else he was doing) and was driving me mad. I thought the family was free of him, but she is still seeing him. She's an on/off "user" of whatever she can find so she probably needs to get drugs from him. Who knows. I am not one of them so I am not in the midst of them. He was the one who stole a snake from a pet store years ago which ran through the news- then he gave the snake to her to keep. He fled soon after. He must have broken into the store purely for the money, I hope. I hope she wasn't assisting him with any manufacturing. She shares cars with a user in the area- or at least used to. I was told by the police not to go for walks in a certain area so I no longer do, so I no longer see who is there. But another time I saw her trade cars with her in another location and I just ended inner debate as to whether she had any chance of having any purity left inside. There is so much more...why do people choose to destroy themselves?

Seren

Welcome Angel,

I'm pretty new here myself, but I have found a lot of support. I'm sorry for the combination of frustration, anger, and sadness that we all feel as friends and family of addicts.

More experienced folks will be along soon, but keep writing and reading. Remember that you cannot control or cure the addicts in your life, and more importantly, you did not cause it!

Hugs,
HG

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

Addiction affects everyone in the family. I'm not only a recovering addict (RA), but someone who has family/friends who are addicts.

As for why we choose to destroy ourselves, it doesn't start out that way. We don't intend to be an addict. Just as not everyone who drinks a beer becomes an alcoholic. However, by the time we cross the line, that becomes all we think about.

As family members, we have to learn to detach and let the addict find their own way to recovery. Very hard to do, but very important. The 3 c's are important..you didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't change it. We can get just as addicted to our addicts, as the addicts are addicted to our drugs.

I hope you read the stickies (the posts at the top of the forum) and other threads. There is a lot of info and support here. More people will be along to welcome you. This is a great place, with some wonderful people.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Angel09

Thank you, Hydrogirl. What caused me to pause with relief the most was your pointing out that I did not cause any of the families problems. They make their own choices! You have flipped a relief switch! I am beginning to feel better already. The issue is, their drug habits roll over onto me sometimes. When people find out I am related they become suspcious. After time passes they find I am fine, but I have to pass tests. It makes hate just boil within me. Which would make the users laugh to hear, of course. That is how they think. One of them in so ill she used to (long ago) use in a drug house which was in my boyfriend's town. To get to it, people would take a dirt road which would turn into a path. I never took the full route to get there, so I am not sure how it was reached. But she would peer into my boyfriend's home and watch us together! MY SISTER! The neighbors discovered what was happening, including a pastor, and my boyfriend and I were told to keep curtains closed at night and whenever we were..ah, hm...together. That's how much was said! Of course, the useless police of the town wouldn't stop them- the group is free to this day. I have learned through time who a whole group of them are. But those police do not care about anyone. My boyfriend's sister was raped and her mother asked the Chief to help her find out who had done it but he refused. He said no, because it would give the town a bad reputation. The present Chief I once thought was a nice person, but he is just as terrible. I asked him for help because I am given a difficult time but because he cannot understand and will not speak to me about it he just thinks what he does. Instead of assisting, he chooses not to become involved. Which means he is on the side of the rapist and the drug users. Same as the old days. He allows it all to happen. I protected my sister, but never should have. She is the car switcher. I protected her from my parents discovering so many of her ways, and through the years she just continues. She bought drugs from porn magazines and sold it, would buy large amounts of marijuana at parties and then bring some home and separate it with spices and sell it.. she had a friend test a clear liquid drug in water on me AT HOME that sent me spinning... we went to one of my college reunions overseas together (trying to be sisters) and she bought codeine and was OUT most of the time. She supposedly been doing well lately, but she goes to a low one's place for weekends. And, if she goes to the house where my rapist is, that means she is still using. There are plenty of her locations I know of, plenty I don't. I lived far away for many years so I was free of all of them and their insanity. Now, I have to hear about my rapist talk about hallucinating chinese umbrellas. However, long ago he was a police "buddy" so he is looked over. The Sheriff was working away trying to put him in prison but the police were protecting him. I remember when a sheriff's son met with me at my grandparent's house and at first pretended he wanted me to be his girlfriend, which I thought was odd because at the time I was still a bit chubby and still had my preppy style while he was a baseball player and they were known for otherwise. So, he confided in me that his sheriff dad wanted him to find out the secrets from me because I had been watched and it had been seen that I wasn't a bad guy, but I was amongst them at family times. I was just about to ask him what he wanted to know when one of my uncles opened the window above us and asked us how we were doing. With an authoritative voice. Fear washed over me, and I quickly slipped into a costume. I spoke with family wording and said something along the lines of "I ain't got nothin'. I don't know nothin'." He was stunned, jumped up, and we didn't speak again until just a few years ago. He of course is of the Sheriff's department! All I could do was giggle the entire time.

Angel09

Thank you for your Welcome to this forum. Clearly, I need to talk. I need to vent. So much has built up through the years, and many events have occurred. People have committed so many crimes and broken honesty so many times I am left feeling empty. But they cannot understand, nor do they care. Again, thank you.

Seren

It is true that small town law enforcement officials are sometimes not the best. I'm sorry to hear about all the drama you are going through with your family. You should be proud that you are not involved in any illegal activities, and the people you care for and truly know you will know the truth. The rest do not matter.

Have you thought about moving to a new town if things continue to be so bad? I know that some people believe this to be a "geographical cure", and that it never works because problems follow. But if day-to-day life has become impossible, perhaps it is worth considering and planning.

Remember the C's the everyone here will tell you....you did not Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it....

Take care!!!
HG

hope213

welcome to s.r. i am glad you are here. there is nothing you can do for an addict. their problem is their problem. it affects us but we do have a chioce to how much. work your recovery & keep coming back. even when we love an addict we can b happy. prayers,

Angel09

Yes, I will move again when I can but now I cannot. I do not want to say why because it might reveal my identity to anyone looking around the net, and I am feeling quite sensitive about all of this. I have changed a quite a few ways of managing life, and all is going well. I have alerted certain people as to my circumstances which is quite important.

I feel frightened of the officers here, to be honest. I just LOOK at them. When I was a little girl, two attempted to save me from the man who was hurting me, and they were wonderful. Otherwise, they in the old days were well known marijuana smokers, alcoholics and wife abusers. I went to high school with two girls who were in Police families of ongoing violence and alcoholism. In the others areas I've lived officers were the best. Neighborhoods were fantastic, the Cities' enjoyment areas and Olde Townes were immaculate and near zero crime... everyone was free to be friendly and enjoy one another because all was safe. One man tried to change all of it here years ago, and it did become better. One would think they would be embarrassed enough to change here, considering their well known reputation. But they are ignoring it and refusing to change. I remember in high school two men applied for the academy with the dept. with excitement, all because they would be able to "get drugs for free, and beat people up."

It is a pretty town, and it is right next to a City I enjoy and there is plenty to do there. I've learned different ways to take care of myself. As has been said, think of youself!

THANK YOU for the 3C's!!!!!! It is helping already!

greeteachday

Welcome - you'll find lots of support here and people who have experienced the pain of having addiction in their lives. I'm glad that you are not living with any of the people you reference so you can choose not to be involved with their downward spiral. Detaching is usually easier when you don't have to watch it up close.
I found reading and posting here and going to Naranon or Alanon meetings to really help me to overcome the effects of living with active addiction. I'd encourage you to give meetings a try. The face to face support is great.

shockozulu

The three C's have probably saved my sanity. I'm glad you are starting to get help from them.

I was so tired of being associated with my mother (the addict) I finally changed my last name. I took my great-grandmother's last name as my grandmother spoke so highly of her. You see, it was my grandparents who ended up raising me by moving in when my mother was too intoxicated to raise my sister and me.