Here I am again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: finding a home
Posts: 109
I thank you all for your support. Yesterday was bad, today a bit better. I still have some shakes, sweats, and bad depression. I spent Monday morning in bed trying to recover, but by mid day I grabbed some money, put on some glasses and was out to the nearest store and back fast with a new bottle of Vodka. Laid back into bed and drank a 5th of the bottle. I was so drunk this time where I just couldn't hide it. No food in my stomach. My to baby girls one 5months and the other 4 years old, I can't say I've been a good mother because they have a live in nanny who takes good care of them. I think having this nanny has made me more irresponsible with my drinking. My husband came home that day and saw me at my worse, falling all over the place with an excuse that I was sick with the flu, what a lier. He knew before I was getting out of control but didn't realize how bad I really was. If I drank 2pts I always made him believe that it was only 1/2 of pint. I would stop drinking for two or three weeks and then convience him to have a couple. I would hide a small 5th of vodka, and have a couple with him while drinking the bottle I had hidden. Never being honest on really how much I was drinking. My tolorence was huge just burning a hole threw my liver. I now have a huge pain on my side, went to get it checked yesterday because tuesday I could't get out of bed. I'm worried and scared that this nightmare will never end. And the worse thing about my drinking today, it's not fun anymore. There's more guilt than happiness. I'm just this horrible person when I drink. I don't know who I've become. I'm a prisoner in my addiction. Please help me. I can't stand the embarrassment. My memory is shot I'm trying to spell and I can't. Please help me stay sober. My first drink was when I was 13 years old, didn't really start drinking until I was 17. And it's been a rollercoaster since then. What I'm doing different today is that I'm letting you know, my husband know, the level of problem. I'm not shy when I drink. So I shouldn't hide behind the 13 yearold shygirl and be honest with those who love me and want me to get well. Starting with my husband and sure enough with me. Thank you for listening. First time sharing.
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