Checklist almost complete
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Checklist almost complete
I had a mental list of things that I needed to check off before I dealt with my AH.
I wanted to get through the holidays *check*,
the passing of my father *check*,
find a job that would allow me to support myself and four kids *check*
Now I'm starting to get that old creeping feeling.....he was as supportive as he's been in years through the death of my dad, he has been offering to help with getting kids to and from school, gave me a foot rub last night with no expectations, offered to take my car for maintenance (that's NEVER happened). He hasn't had a drink in a couple days, but didn't really have the opportunity either, so I'm sure that could all change today.
I know I don't HAVE to make a decision today, or even tomorrow, but I just don't want to slip back into the same old patterns and have another holiday season roll around that I have to "get through". I have learned in the past couple weeks that life really is what I make of it. There were over 500 people at my dad's funeral.....actually we called it a celebration of a life well lived! Many people got up and spoke about how he touched their lives and how he lived with no regrets, with a smile on his face even until his last breath. It is so true.....and a legacy I want to pass on to my own kids.
Just needed to get some thoughts out in black and white. I may need a nudge or two over the next couple weeks to keep me from going backwards. All of your condolences and good wishes have really helped me get through the hard part, but now I'm ready to sprout some wings and fly........watch out world!!!
I wanted to get through the holidays *check*,
the passing of my father *check*,
find a job that would allow me to support myself and four kids *check*
Now I'm starting to get that old creeping feeling.....he was as supportive as he's been in years through the death of my dad, he has been offering to help with getting kids to and from school, gave me a foot rub last night with no expectations, offered to take my car for maintenance (that's NEVER happened). He hasn't had a drink in a couple days, but didn't really have the opportunity either, so I'm sure that could all change today.
I know I don't HAVE to make a decision today, or even tomorrow, but I just don't want to slip back into the same old patterns and have another holiday season roll around that I have to "get through". I have learned in the past couple weeks that life really is what I make of it. There were over 500 people at my dad's funeral.....actually we called it a celebration of a life well lived! Many people got up and spoke about how he touched their lives and how he lived with no regrets, with a smile on his face even until his last breath. It is so true.....and a legacy I want to pass on to my own kids.
Just needed to get some thoughts out in black and white. I may need a nudge or two over the next couple weeks to keep me from going backwards. All of your condolences and good wishes have really helped me get through the hard part, but now I'm ready to sprout some wings and fly........watch out world!!!
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Blessed you are doing great! you know if things get too much take a time out, do something that will make you smile and feel good inside. Keep taking those babysteps and envisaging the life you want. Mental images are great motivational aids.
Love to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Love to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
You have done a lot of things to help yourself!
I am sorry about the death of your father, tragedies like that can make it so much more difficult to do the things you have to do. You seem to be high in spirits- excellent! You have gotten yourself so far it seems, you just have to keep telling yourself that. Keep reminding yourself of all the good things you have done for you and your life and find more ways to keep improving on your happiness! This could hopefully help you from moving backwards. I wish you the best of luck!
I am sorry about the death of your father, tragedies like that can make it so much more difficult to do the things you have to do. You seem to be high in spirits- excellent! You have gotten yourself so far it seems, you just have to keep telling yourself that. Keep reminding yourself of all the good things you have done for you and your life and find more ways to keep improving on your happiness! This could hopefully help you from moving backwards. I wish you the best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Sometimes when the alcoholic senses the codie is trying to move out of their enabling/codependent role thay try a new strategy so as not to upset the status quo. You know, as we all do, that 2 days not drinking, while that's always good, does not a "change" make.
Lasting change takes time, effort, and is so real and obvious we don't scratch our heads and wonder about it.
Yes appreciate all good things that come your way, but still stick to your plan and to the valuable changes YOU are making regardless of what he is up to.
Peace-
B.
Lasting change takes time, effort, and is so real and obvious we don't scratch our heads and wonder about it.
Yes appreciate all good things that come your way, but still stick to your plan and to the valuable changes YOU are making regardless of what he is up to.
Peace-
B.
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
Now I'm starting to get that old creeping feeling.....he was as supportive as he's been in years through the death of my dad, he has been offering to help with getting kids to and from school, gave me a foot rub last night with no expectations, offered to take my car for maintenance (that's NEVER happened). He hasn't had a drink in a couple days,
Pretty soon I got sick of the dance. I was literally sick and tired.
Hang in there.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by lovtolaff 
These little acts of "kindness" was what kept me hanging in there for 2 years. They always gave me so much hope and reminded me of why I loved him. However, his "good behaviour" NEVER lasted any length of time. Just long enough to confuse the h@ll out of me about staying or leaving.
Pretty soon I got sick of the dance. I was literally sick and tired.
Hang in there.
Pretty soon I got sick of the dance. I was literally sick and tired.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 167
OMG the foot rub ploy. About 9 years ago when I thru AH out after 2 duis in 8 months, he sucked his way back into my codependent life with..a foot rub. It melted me. Makes me mad to think of the 9 years it took me to leave!!!grr. sorry carry on.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 167
Anvil my "foot rub" was perseated (is that a word?) by his refinishing my giant old staircase, re wall papering, fixing everything he could in our house. He came when I was at work, he left love notes, he went to court ordered rehab, he paid everything for me, he really seemed like he was going to be a knew man. In retrospect, he still never admitted his A abuse, even during his jail stint. It lasted maybe 6 months before the secret drinking began!
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