ADayAtATime

Hi there everyone,
It has been since New Year's Eve that I have had my last drink of alcohol and it marked New Year's Day as my 1 day of sobriety. I have been doing fine since then, until today. My hubby just got home from the lawyer's office, as we are forced to file Chapter 7, due to losing our jobs a little over 2 month's ago. We are expected to lose a few items....in which I've learned to come to terms with and that's ok, they can be replaced down the road.
Well, on the way home, I came so close to pulling into the parking lot of the corner market to buy some beer. I'm in between sadness, stress and some relief that soon this will all come to an end and the creditors will finally quit harrassing us. I know that it's not our fault that we lost our jobs, but in a way I feel very guilty that I can no longer afford to pay back the loans. It's like I want to say I'm sorry but there is nothing I can do about it. So we are turning the items over to the creditors once we go to court...I only want to save my house and our other car.
Anyway, let me tell you what was going through my mind, because if I don't get to the point I will just keep on rambling about my problems....lol! Sorry, I'm bad at doing that.
Well, I kept thinking...Pull over and get some beer, my hubby even offered to give me the money that he had on hand in order for to buy some. Then the other part of me kept thinking...maybe it's not a good idea, think about how bad you will feel tomorrow and the guilt you will carry. Is it really worth it?
Then I thought about everyone on here...what would the people on SB do? Before I knew it, I was in my driveway...went into the house, turned on the computer and started writing this post to you and taking a drink of pepsi with wild cherry flavor. Not exactly what I wanted, because I really like diet pop...but I guess this will have to do. As I write this I'm really trying to calm my craving for a beer or 2, 3, 4....etc. Instead of stopping at the corner market, I thought of SB and decided I needed to hurry up and get home and share what is on my mind. I hope that I just don't say...oh well, go get it...you deserve it. I need to be strong. Trying so hard...I feel like I'm in a battle....even though I know that I'm in the right place.
Right here with you.
I hope this makes sense and if there are any typo's I apologize...I just need to hurry up and post this before I change my mind. By the way, I'm not proof reading this...just type and send.
Thank you all so much for listening and being here with me.
XOXO

yeahgr8

Great post and well done for being strong!

Brian

Good job in not stopping at the store. I just keep telling myself one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Everybody keeps saying it will get easier and I believe that it will.

ADayAtATime

I'm not out of the woods yet...corner market is just a 1/2 of a block away
I just wanted to come in here and be honest...also to see if when I'm in the middle of wanting one and telling other's who understand, if I could build up my strength instead of caving like I normally do.
Thanks for responding....You are awesome!
XOXO

flutter

Aw.. that must be hard if even your hubby is offering money to go get some !!

I purposely turn over ALL cash I get, it's the devil in my hands. Sounds like you need some support! Glad you find it here

ADayAtATime

So far it has been over an hour and I don't know how many minutes...but you know what? The minutes almost feel like hours right about now.
Just kidding, I use humor to ease certain situations in my life.
Like, there have been times...after a good cry, I end up cracking myself up. Sometimes I wonder if I really am bi-polar...my doctor did suggest that to me before, that I may be sort of bi-polar.
What ever I am, I know I'm not normal
Thanks :ghug3
XOXO

ADayAtATime

Actually, I handle all the bills in the household, so I'm always dealing with the money...it just so happens that he just withdrew some money from the ATM to play the lottery...
I think that he understands that I really wanted some and he will go along with whatever I want to make me happy. I really do have a good man...he supports me, no matter what my choices are.
Thank you soo much for coming in here and listening to me...I can be a drama queen at times....LOL!
XOXO

bugsworth

I think the question is will drinking make you happy? Many things in life worth having can be hard to obtain...sobriety can be like that. It is up to you to decide what you want for yourself....change or stay the same is the bottom line. Wanting to drink does not equal having to drink. I wish you all the best!

ADayAtATime

This really gives me something to think about! You are right though...will it make me happy? Maybe I think it does, during the moment when I'm consuming....because I do like the buzzing effect it gives me, to feel different, escape, be free. Until the next day...why did I want the buzz, to feel different, to escape and be free from what? I know I'm happy with my life and my bestfriend of a Hubby. With everything that I could ever wish for, why do I put myself in this position. The answer should be clear....Change and take it like my screen name says...A Day At A Time? Gesh....now I feel like I'm getting ready to ramble again, Like I'm talking in circles. Also....with all that has been going on, I really didn't sleep lastnight because I was so nervous about today....this is probably why I'm not making any sense.
Thank you for your words, it really does give me something to think about. I think I'm going to print this out, so I can reflect back on it.
I appreciate it!
XOXO

Mark75

The BiPolar thing... IMHO bipolar describes early sobriety very well, at least for me... Plus you have the added stress of the bankruptcy. Keep on rocking with that wild cherry and do what you have to... this will pass.

James13

Excellent job. You have today to stay sober. We are pulling for you.

And don't take that money!

Dean62

The buzz effect is always going to be there if you want it. You can't do anything to change that it's just the way it is. What you want to do is focus on what will change and what you can do something about. The way you feel the next day will change. From years of drinking experience I can tell you it will change for the worse. The way you feel the next day now is as good as it is going to get.

You can continue to allow the next day which is your life to get worse or you can change if for the better. 100% abstinence is the way to a happy life for you. To spend time thinking about anything else is a waste of time. You know the buzz is only temporary at some point you will always wake up feeling lousy and that will never change until you give up on the temporary solution of escaping in alcohol. Life is about more then temporary buzz or fixes in fact when you are drunk you really aren't living life. As you said you are escaping life. I understand escaping life because I did it for most of mine but I am now finding in early sobriety that life has much more to offer then living in a drunk and that buzz that I'm in is purely a selfish all about me place. Eventually it isolates us from being a part of life.

SR helped me get through those tough early days too. AA helped just like SR but even more because I got to be face to face with people as friendly and supportive as people here.

Glad your reaching out for help. :ghug3

ADayAtATime

That made me laugh....Keep on rocking with that wild cherry
Thank you...I know it will. You see, it's working already.
I know what will cure this whole thing up real quick....FOOD!
When I eat...I don't drink,
When I drink...I don't eat (until later, after I've had enough)
I don't like mixing the two, it's either one or the other.
I do have a left over chicken sandwich from Wendy's lastnight...slap a piece of cheese on there and I'm good to go.
I think that I will do that right now.
Well, I guess that you can say...I made it to day 6, may have struggled a little, but at least I made it this far ::Gulp::
Whew!
Like I said in the beginning...Cutting back is my main goal and to not drink every other day, I would be happy with that. Even once a month I can live with....but this is bad that I can only make it to day 6 and get all freaked out. What is the next 3 weeks going to be like (if I can make it that long)?
Who know's, I might even surprise myself and never do it again...never know what tomorrow is going to bring. At least I won't be hung over in the morning.
I'm going to get that samich right now before I run out the door with my car keys. Just kidding!
Thank you for listening to me too!
<---I just love all of the smilies on here, they are soo cute.
XOXO

ADayAtATime

This is why I came straight home instead of stopping....I knew that I could come in here and get the words of encouragment that I really needed.
Thank you so very much everyone...I'm feeling better now, for today...plus, I am now gobbling up my chicken samich.
Hugs and smoochers
XOXO

least

:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3

You seem to need them right now!

ADayAtATime

AAAAHhhhhhh! Thank you very much!
Ewwww, I'm trying to type with cheese stuck on a couple of my fingers.
LOL!
XOXO

B.T.W. I'm using XOXO as my signature, I'm not making it like I'm going around kissing and hugging everyone....well, on the other hand I do pass out hugs when needed. So bring it...Boy am I silly, I think it's called sleep deprivation.
Actually my craftroom has signs hanging all around with X's and O's and the word Love w/hearts. I know, I'm sick.

least

You are NOT 'sick', just a needing loving human being!


I'm from Ohio too... not much to do here... I've been here for over 40 years and still haven't left... I guess I like it here!

linda1943

I have been sober for 2 years and 2 months. The urge to pull over and check out for a couple of hours is so inviting. You did exactly the right thing. Stop and think. I will be ok for a couple of hours and then I will go home, pass out, wake up about 3 hours later feeling horrible. Nervous, guilty, remorseful, and depressed. Just remember that feeling. The other thing that keeps me sober is the fact that I can actually sleep at night. Not just for a couple of hours, but the whole night. Waking up and knowing exactly what happened the night before and feeling wonderful. My ex-husband and I went through a bankruptcy and I was drinking at the time. Some problems are hard to handle but you can. This too will pass. Stay strong, you can't handle any issues drunk or hung over and depressed. You are going to be fine.

Anna

Hi,

Glad you got through that!

As others have said, it's not at all surprising to have feelings like that in early sobriety and I think it shows what a hold this disease has on us.

You're doing great and next time will be easier!

ADayAtATime

I am so happy I found this place...You all really did help me build up my strength. I know that if I would have stopped and picked up my 12 pack, it would have only been me that I let down. But you know, the funny thing is that when you know that there is support group out there, with other's in it that really understand you. It makes it alot easier to make the right choice for yourself. I almost feel like I'm surrounded by a group of gaurdian angels 24/7. The way each one of you reach out to eachother, touches my heart and I am grateful for that. I hope one day that I can do the same for someone else.
Bless you SR group...Sorry that in my 1st post I kept saying SB, I didn't realize I was getting it wrong, until after I was reading the responses a few hours later. It was then I reread my 1st post...opps! Duh!!!
Thank you all again and I REALLY mean it.
So, Same time, same forum tomorrow? I just might need you?
Sorry, there I go being silly again.
XOXO