Done_With_It

I don't know. I'll see if I can make this short and understandable. lol.
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..

So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.

So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.

After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.

I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.

I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to

I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....

He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.

Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......


I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad....
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.


I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.


I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.


I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...

I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.

Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......

mooselips

(((Done)))
Here's my thoughts....you should not have ANY doubts about a guy you're dating. NOT one.

You think he may be an addict...well right there, THAT thought shouldn't even enter your head IF it's the right guy. You know what I mean?

And HE shoved you. NO EXCUSE.
He raged at the other driver. NO EXCUSE.

And, sometimes after a concussion, you can get nausea and vomiting, the E.R. should have told you that, and told you to return if you have those symptoms.

When it's the RIGHT guy, we know. Honest Done, you'll know.

grateful2b

(((Done)))
so many red flags all over this for me......and you are completely second guessing yourself...I would take a big step back and reconnect with you... get back in touch with who you are and what you *know*... grateful

Latte

Those are big red flags.

I would seriously rethink the relationship. Doctor or not, there is something up.

Good thing you are finding out now, rather than before getting married and having a few kids.

Chino

I'm going to pretend you are my daughter:

You've been seeing him off and on and it's barely been a couple of weeks... and all this has happened? You are already doubting his character because of what he has shown you and you aren't sure? The guy wants to take you away on a trip and you barely know each other. It sounds to me like he wants to isolate you.

Honey, alarm bells are going off inside your head and I hope you'll listen to them. He's causing you pain and confusion, sooner or later it's going to compromise your sobriety because it's already compromising your serenity.

Please protect yourself. You've come too far to let it all slip away

Ann

Awww, sweetie, don't be blinded by the niceties and trips to Hawaii, they are just more ways to manipulate you into thinking he's okay.

He's not okay, Done. He pushed you. That alone is the only red flag I would need. He raged, he appears then disappears, and he may be taking drugs.

Trust your instincts on this one. You suspect he may be using something (red flag), you don't want to talk about him to your friends or family (red flag), he scares you by his behaviour then woos you with offers of a vacation (red flag), he shoved you (red flag) and he raged (red flag).

A healthy relationship doesn't have red flags all over the place. When you are in a healthy relationship you feel good about the person and good about yourself and you want them to meet your family and friends and aren't on guard because you feel "something isn't right".

You deserve so much better than this and I think you know that. Miss Done should be treated like the queen she is and nothing less. And most of all...nobody but nobody shoves Miss Done.

Hugs

mjpaao

(( Miss Done ))
The mother in me is roaring it's head right now! It sounds in your post like you would like very much for this guy to be the one, and who can blame you, a rich handsome doctor?
But, how many times have we read on these boards to follow your gut. Miss Done, if you were my daughter, I would tell you to take a step back and not see this guy for a little while, think things through, see what happens. It sounds like things are moving at lightning speed in this relationship, and the trip to Hawaii, though it sounds wonderful, is a little scary to me.
When I read your post, the movie " Sleeping with the Enemy " popped right into my head, I'm sorry if that sounds extreme, but it's true.
Trust your instincts, Done. You have come soooo far since I've read your posts on these boards. Maybe think about what you might advise someone else if they asked you about a similar situation. This man, from what you have described, just doesn't sound stable, at best. I may not be the best one qualified to answer you, with my own disaster of a marraige, but please be cautious and take care of yourself!

Done_With_It

Thanks Everyone,

I can't stop crying now, I think I knew it kind of but it happened so
fast, and he has such a way with words. Things got turned around,
so fast, I guess it just confused me. I don't know..

Your probably right about the isolation thing, he doesn't like me
around my roommates either, and if he hears me on the phone
laughing with them, he freaks out.

I don't know how I could fall into something like this, I've seen my
Mom go through it... I should know better.

I wish I felt better though...... This sucks....

Thanks again everyone....... I can stop obsessing and trying to figure
it all out now...... lol

Done_With_It

I've never seen that movie. But I was a little freaked out about going to Hawaii with him.

A close friend of mine was raped on New Years Eve and I was telling him about it cause I was upset, and he started laughing, said that person deserved it.
Then when I got mad, he was like, Oh is Done going to stop talking to me.... and said I take things too seriously, he was only kidding....
It was weird...



Yea, you all have hit the nail(s) on the head... It just makes me sick to my stomach to think about all of it.

grateful2b

deep breaths, Done
you don't have to figure this all out this moment...try to give yourself some space from this somehow and focus on your serenity and keep talking through it here if you need to....you don't need to *do anything at this point but be safe and ...be gentle with yourself and and focus on you...the rest will unfold...hugs, grateful

Callie

Go with your gut - DWI - you won't be wrong with it. Lots of red flags here that I see. Kudos to you for putting it all out there. Hugs to you and sorry you're dealing with all of this.

Ann

Miss Done, you are in Codieland here, we have all been blind one way or another, mostly through denial and who wouldn't hide in denial for a while if a handsome doctor was catching our eye.

Just be grateful that you could see through it, and really you did. Just read your first post again and it's all there, your suspicions are right on the money. You sensed the red flags, we just pointed them out.

Your recovery is shining here. People like him are very very good at luring women in. They know how to charm and to woo with money, and they know how to trivialize their bad behaviour and make YOU think you must have imagined it.

He laughed at your friend being raped. Kick him to the curb girl, and hold your head high for seeing him for what he is.

Hugs

Callie

yes....what Ann said - doctor or not!

cmc

Done...
Moving things too fast too soon, the shoving, raging, irrational behavior, joking about rape; and all of this in the beginning of a relationship? You know me and how I don't like to give advice....but I can't help it because I feel like a mom to you...he's not worth it. YOU are worth being treated like a queen.
It's so easy sometimes to let emotions overrule what I know is true; and some people are very good at manipulation. It's a dark art to some. With all you've been through and overcome, please let this be just one more lesson learned in how to have a truly happy, clean & successful life. I know you can do that.
Hugs & love to you.

Done_With_It

He looks almost just like Dr. McDreamy. But he has muscles.....

lol, I'll never be able to watch Grey's Anatomy again......



I don't know where I'd be without you All!!


Thanks, I didn't understand that part, and when I kept trying to figure it out, I was like well maybe I deserve how I'm being treated or maybe I just like it, so that's why I am , but that didn't make sense. Nothing has made sense lately.....

Being by myself in my head is a scary place......
He did do that, and every time, I started out thinking, NO, I know this time, but then by the end, I was back to...... Okay maybe it is just me.....

One of the times 'I fell' and messed up my finger at first he was all sorry but then he was like, See baby I told you, You need to start eating, it's your eating disorder. My ED is fine.
I was like, hu? You pushed me down the stairs....... but he had me convinced it was cause I hadn't eaten.......
Then I just didn't know.. But I do know.....

Argghhhh...........

Callie

He's the best isn't he??? I think it's the eyes that pierce (sp??) your soul. That's what we all deserve!

greeteachday

I really can't add anything to what has already been said other than - I totally agree! We love you, Missie Done, and we don't want a sick guy like this taking advantage of you. It isn't right - your gut is oh so right.

When the right guy comes along...I promise you will feel like you can just be you all the time.

Many hugs

grateful2b

grrrr!

cessy68

OMG...... hey there- but i'm going to say it again.... OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in an abusive relationship once- HORRIBLE> let me tell you one thing you said that JUMPED at my eyes on this thread...

You said 'you make people mad'.......................NO EXCUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

I have learned, (cause I always used to make people mad) IT IS BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE YOU ARE CHOOSEING, AND DRAWING INTO YOUR LIFE BASED ON YOUR ENERGY!!!

I am positive, that is why I am here, in a relationship with an addict.

You make people 'mad' because you surround yourself with people who do not meet your needs, and therefore, your react to that.

When you react to an emotionally/physically/ unavailable person- they lash out at you to defend themselves, that turns into ABUSE. NO one should touch you period.

I always use my old italian grandfather as my baramator, if he EVER saw someone lay their hands on his baby girl grandaughter, ----(me) ---- well, I'd hate to say what would have happened to them.

Find you, or someone who loved you in your life, to be your baromoter- (in your mind) and ask yourself, - If they were a fly on the wall, what would they do?????

I'd forget about the addiction part, just the fact that he is abusive, this is classic i'm sorry/ till I hit you again pattern.

Stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!! You've been through enough!!

Love,
Cessy

greeteachday

I don't know if this helps, but your post made me think about my sweet niece. She is adorable, smart, talented, beautiful inside and out - just like you. She met a guy who was older than her by about 10 years. She thought she was in love - he seemed mature compared to the kids she was dating. Three years ago they got married. She lives in Florida so I don't see them much, but when I have, Steve seemed like a nice guy and seemed very attentive to my niece. The last time I saw them was this summer when her brother got married. I was surprised my niece wasn't in the wedding, but didn't say anything (turns out Steve didn't like her having that attention and forbid her being in it) I was a little disturbed by some of the things they talked about - Steve quit his job and was "working" at home because he thought the people where he worked were jerks. They had the house up for sale and were planning to move to some backwoods town where their nearest neighbor would be a mile away, because he was "sick of neighbors" My niece seemed skitish...didn't seem to have her normal spunk and pep.
A month later, Steve called my daughter and said he had a fight with my niece, said some horrible things and she left. She wouldn't take his calls so he wanted my daughter to call her and tell her Steve was sorry and he loved her. My daughter was smart enough to just get in touch to ask my niece if she needed someone to talk to. Well...turns out Steve was an emotional abuser. He swung back and forth between charming and hateful, and little by little over 3 years, he did things to be sure my niece had no friends, rarely spent time with her family, went to work and then came right home and did everything he wanted or faced his wrath. Even when she did do what he wanted, he abused her. The last fight was when he turned violent...it was just a matter of time, but to me emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse.
My niece has not gone back. She is interviewing lawyers now and in therapy. Little by little the real young lady she is is re-emerging. Steve...he still thinks this is all her fault. Wife #3 has left him...I wonder why?

I don't want you to have to go through what my niece is going through, okay? Hugs