Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Accepting Help

Some of us have felt so alienated that we've forgotten we're not alone. We've come to believe that we have to do it ourselves. Some of us have been abandoned. Some have gone without love. Some of us have gotten used to people never being there for us. Some of us have struggled, had hard lessons to learn.

God's there, always ready to help. There is an ample supply of people to care about us too. We will, if we want it, receive love and support, comfort and nurturing. If we take the risk to ask for it, help is there. We can draw on the strength of our recovery group and allow ourselves to be helped and supported by our Higher Power. Friends will come, good friends.

We aren't alone. And we don't have to do it ourselves. We're not doing it ourselves. There is no shortage of love. Not anymore.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to do it alone and my belief that I am alone. Help me tap into Your Divine Power and Presence, and your resources for love, support, and friendship. Open my eyes and heart so I can see the love, help, and support that's there for me. Help me know I am loved.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

It strikes me odd that as a person who spent all my time and energy trying to "help" everyone else, I was reluctant to ask for any help at all for me.

I think it was partly denial, partly shame, party confusion because I didn't even know what help to ask for. I do know that when I finally reached out at meetings and at SR, my life began to change for the better and I was on my way to recovery.

Hugs

hope213

i too never ask for help with anything. i was always big & strong. that is what i was always told. today i do not want to b big or strong. i want help with everything. i am small frame & all i want to b strong in is my recovery. thanks to it i can cope with life on a day to day basic & be happy with my life & with whom i have become.

nocoincidence56

Good morning. I was brought up with the idea you didn't need anyone for help, you were to be self-sufficient. In contrast to that though I did everything to "fit in". What a conflict! It was always in the back of my mind how "I" could handle my using (whatever it was). In the beginning, yes, as time went on, no. The more NO stared me in the face, the more "I" was determined to control it. There was no success in it, no strength of my will would have succeeded. This went on for decades. After a lifetime of consequences the "I" finally accepted defeat and surrendered. It was at that time the "I" became "we", a personal relationship with the God of my understanding, that unsuspected inner resource!
Surrender is daily, maybe many times each day. Whenever a feeling of resistance/defiance wells up, self-examination is required.
The old "I" must not be given any room for regrowth. There is the new ,I, the expression of a person becoming whole for the first time. There is no "need" for another to make me whole. It has been accomplished and maintained each time "I" surrender to the God of my understanding. Every day I must attribute any success of mine to the God of my understanding. Because "I" cannot do it alone!! Thanks......A

SerenityGirl

It's hasn't been easy for me to ask for help either, I am suppose to be the strong one, the one to hold everything together and fix everyone. LOL I have turned my life and will over to God and I am totally dependent on him. But I also need help from others too. After all God works through others..

Hangin' In

My sponsor pointed out to me early on that the first word of the first step of the 12 steps says "WE".

My pride got in my way. I didn't want people to know. (As if they didn't already.) I didn't want them to think less of me or of my AD. I didn't want to admit my life wasn't as perfect as I pretended it to be. I felt my AD's addiction was a reflection on my parenting. Yeah, it was all about me. Imagine that!

I am SO grateful my HP let me get to the breaking point where I had to get some help or else I wasn't going to make it. Now I have recovering friends who I can call at anytime of the day or night and I know they will be there for me. And visa versa.

If anyone here is holding on to their pride, thinking they can do it by themselves, please, please drop it and seek help. You do not have to do this alone.

grateful2b

I . too, had to learn to reach out and allow people to help me..It was a completely foreign concept for a very long time...
How could I , when I was the one everybody was supposed to go to for help, the one everybody was supposed to need, the strongest one, what a sign of weakness and what a way to blow my cover
and I think deep down I felt I did not deserve..
learning to allow people in, and to say yes, I need help ..... who knew that one important step would fill such a void in me and give me such a sense of belonging!

winnie12

It was really hard for me this last year when my church came to me and offered me some money to help with bills becuase they knew i was struggling. They actually had to convince me it was okay because my pride was telling me I was supposed to give to church and not take from church. They explained to me that this was a way that I could allow others to receive the gift of giving and that my situation was exactly what they had funds for - a single mom who got abandoned and was in over her head through no fault of her own. I asked God for help but i didnt want it to come from the ways he was willing to help me I still wanted it to come from my own efforts - I guess so that then i could still take credit for it. I had to learn to accept whatever help my HP brought to me and I found out that it really made people happy to be able to help me - I never thought about the fact that people want to help others and that by allowing them I was actually bringing them joy. Obviously this isnt something to take for granted and I dont ask unless I truly need but I really did help at that time and I'm so thankful that I got it and that I learned this valuable lesson. I look forward to the day that I can give back to someone in need like I was.

imallright

That need to be the "mature responsible one" was what kept me in the mess I was in. I thought it was my "duty" to step up, take care of whatever needed to be cared for, be strong, not let anyone know how much I hurt and keep moving. I made a committment, and so I was supposed to see it through, regardless of what that meant to me and to my happiness or well being. When I finally realized that I could no longer do it myself and that I was slowing dying... I reached out. I found that the world didn't fall apart when I admitted that I was powerless in the situation, those who truly loved me didn't think less of me. Those who truly loved... and there were more of those people than I realized... reached out to help me and support me. Just wish I didn't have to get soooo low before I realized that there was a more sane life to live. BUT... I did accept help and it is getting easier to do that now. I know that I can still offer my love and support to others as well. I am not the only one who needs support and I am not pathetic. I am just in need of love and friends. Thank you for all for helping me. I hope I repay the favor!