lolobug3

My daughter is losing trust in me because each time my A/H goes out drinking and doesn't tell us where he is and stays out all night or whatever and then fights with me, I tell her this is the last time - I am kicking him out. And then I do, but always let him back. This has been going on forever it seems. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I could talk with her about to let her know what I am going through with this? I know I need to let him go but I am just having trouble with this right now. Thanks everyone! Lolobug

lifelovelaffter

Lolobug,
Gosh, I wish I had some GREAT advice to give you, but unfortunately, I didn't listen to my own advice, when in the same situation! My kids had to put up with a stepdad for 6 yrs, that drank.. GRrrr.. I look back now, and think, "OMG.. how stupid was I, or how desperate for a man, or how lonely?". Good luck to you, I know you are going to need it, that, and our prayers for you.

EndOfRoadWife

I am going thruogh the same thing where my 9 year old daughter asks "Is Daddy coming home" or "Where is Daddy?" and I have to always tell her that I don't know..."You know your dad has a drinking problem and lies".....I am sick of living like this but I did call and I have my first appointment for counseling on Monday August 11th....I think you should make one also..It is a hard life to live...My grandmother tells me the story over and over of how she kicked my grandfather out with only 25 cents in her pocket..She had 6 kids and he was an alcoholic and would disappear for days..I get mad at myself because I keep threatening over and over, but not leaving..I kick him out, but he comes home! He won't leave. Unfortunately, this is going to mean that I have to sell our house that we worked SO hard to fix up and that I've always dreamed of owning...I am so sick of my own threats that I cry for myself for my own self allowing this to happen....I know what you are going through and I hope both of us find some kind've strength...I didn't know about Al-Anon,,,but now today that I've heard about it on here, I am going to join because I need the help........We will all have to be strong together.......

EyesOpen

One of the things that motivated me to finally end it with my AH was realizing that I was becomming a problem for other people.

For a while, I would talk to friends about what was going on with him and how it upset me so. No one said anything to me, but after a while, I wondered if I was sounding like a broken record. Always complaining about things upsetting me, but never doing anything to change my circumstances.

True, your husband is causing problems for your daughter. He is creating a unhealthy environment for her to live in. But, I think that your daughter is trying to tell you that you are also (unintentionally) contributing to the unhealthy environment by your undecision.

It is understandable that you are torn by the choices in front of you.... we've all been there.

But, there comes a time when those of us living with an A have to take responsibility for our actions. Responsible people follow through with what they say they will do. If you are unsure of your long term plan, tell your daughter that you are unsure, and leave it at that.

Don't say anything to your AH or daughter that you are not willing to back up with action.

countrygirl

As you are seeing it now, tell her. I think truth is the best support you can give her. Tell her you really mean it when you say it but then later you rethink it ... Then when it happens again, if it does, she has some reality basis to fall back on. Oh, it is that thing again ...

In the end, she will probably believe it when she sees it. But an explanation will help her maintain until that happens.

About kids

I had a rough time growing up and now, looking back, one thing I think would have made a difference for me - if anyone has said, "I'm sorry" out loud. Even if nothing else had changed, those words would have helped me be stronger in believing in my own goodness.