Bjen

I hadn't been here in so long. I had joined a small group made up of a few gals from this page as well. As we recovered I guess we didn't need so much help anymore and the group closed.

I came back because I feel that I have more to offer now then i need to take from it.

I have become so closed off to negativity in my life.

I have a hard time listening to my friend and sister who have crappy relationships with sober people. I just want to yell at them to shut up. Quit crying and get on with it. They keep beating their heads against the wall and wasting time. They both talk to ugly and hateful it makes my stomach hurt. All their dirty words and vengeful ways really makes me want to run and hide.

But then I remember everything I went through and how I was always consumed with my problems and they were there for me. So I try to help but sometimes it gives me anxiety to listen to them.

Is it selfish to feel that way? When Al-anon taught me boundaries and how to put myself first that was a VERY new way of thinking for me. Now I wonder if I haven't gotten so good at it that I'm selfish?

I will listen and give and help anyone who will help themselves. I have no problem with that. I just get tired of whining but making no improvement for themselves.

I still have bad days but I just accept them and realize that it will pass. As my friend tells me "It is what it is" and just keep going.

Can anyone else relate with me or am I alone here? I know I rambled alot.

Thanks for listening

GiveLove

Bjen,

I can't speak for anybody else, but this is how it went for me:

---The phase where I was heavily leaning on everyone in my life, and I was desperately unhappy

then

---The phase where I was getting help and getting better, and in my efforts to stay strong for ME I had a really hard time being around the neverending negativity

then

---The pendulum swung back to the middle, and I could preserve my own recovery WHILE giving support to people who were still locked in the bad stuff. I had to work on detachment to make this happen...I could be there to listen, to offer thoughts and support, but I couldn't let myself get caught up in any particular outcome.

Maybe you'll follow this progression too. Cut yourself some slack. Your gut may be telling you what you need to do right now to get and stay happy.

Bjen

Thank you!

Thank you also for not taking it personally. I got in the shower after writing that and realized that it could easily be taken wrong. That was not my intention at all. I know I can help here. It doesn't bother me to read posts here. I also know everyone here is here for help and to change.

Just wondered if anyone else had a hard time being patient with friends or family that won't help themselves. Also with negative ugly anything in thier life.

Give Love, it does sound like you get what I'm saying. I isolate myself alot. If I don't have patience I keep to myself. I also make sure that if I am going anywhere that I always have my car so I can leave if I want to.

So this changed for you. That is good. Gives me hope. Thank you!!