wrvalleygirl

I hit 60 hours sober this morning so in that it is my 4th day (I quit Tuesday) I will start counting in Days and that is a good feeling!!!

I don't crave a drink right now... then again, when I fall off the wagon I never really crave or WANT that drink... it's like I want to prove to myself I can be "normal" when it comes to drinking. My mom can have 2-3 drinks with the girls and not drink for days... so so can I. Right? I watch the same person leave the mall every day with a few bottles of wine just for himself... why can he not have a problem and I do? I need to stop wondering about others and know my own limitations!!!

The anxiety seems to be gone... I took a full ativan before bed... if needed, I will take 1/4 pills today if I get shakey, but I don't think I will I know I am now past the threat of DT's (and I think I knew it all along... but the disease was biting me hard)

My husband is sending mixed signals, which is hard for me. He says everything I say while I am drunk hurts him, and I am 100% sure it does... but back when he drank, he said and DID some horrible things to me, too. He sobered up or face jail. I defended him. Refused to testify against him (he could have faced 15-30 years) and I stood by him... people thought I was nuts... but I loved him and believed in him AND that it was the boose cuasing the actions. He said terrible things about his parents that he nows says were not true at all.... so why cannot he stand by me when I had EVERY reason to leave him back then?

I won't let it get to me... I just need to be strong for ME... I just wish he would be the support system I need right now

Anna

I think the bottom line is, to keep focusing on yourself.

What your husband did or is doing now, is much less important, than what you are doing.

coffeenut

You're driving yourself nuts! Stop. Breathe. The most important thing right now, is to get sober. Nothing else.

Welcome to SR. Please hang around and post. It really does help.

Philly

Yes I agree with all and focus on yourself. It sounds like your husband is not drinking either which is a good thing. My husband was a problem drinker for most of his 50 years of life. I started to be a heavy drinker in my 40's and surpassed his drinking capabilities. Problem now is he still drinks and says very verbal abusive things to me when drunk. I have come to terms that I really just have to worry about myself.

least

THe only thing you can control is your own actions and how you react to people and things. Just focus on your sobriety. And give yourself time to grow into this new sober way of living.