"discussion of cultural modes of speech"

Old 01-02-2009, 06:49 AM
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"discussion of cultural modes of speech"

How dare you tell me that a discussion of "cultural modes of speech" is not important!

For your information, it is very important! Those who do not view it as important are free to ignore that fact. But do not tell me that my feelings, my point of view is unimportant!

How dare the moderator of this forum tell me my concerns are unimportant!

I happen to agree with everything FD said on that other thread. I was just going to add my two cents only to discover it had been closed because the moderator decided it wasn't important.

I very much resent being referred to as a girl. I am not a "girl" or "chickie" or "broad" or any of the other derogatory terms applied to women. Yes, words and labels are important in many ways!

I find it very interesting that when a discussion doesn't go the way a few don't like the thread gets closed.

What this tells me is that my thinking, my concerns are not viewed as being as valid as others. To which I say BS!

Learning that words are important, that labels do matter has been part of my personal recovery. Learning that words hurt is part of understnding that verbal abuse is important. No being called "girl" is not anything apporaching verbal abuse. Don't think I am saying that. But learning what words hurt me, what the societal menaings behind them, has indeed and will continue to be part of my personal recovery.

We are here because we love someone who is destroying themselves and others as a result of their addiction. That is our "singleness of purpose". Any other purpose belongs in some other forum, of which there are legion.
Any you know that this topic of dicsussion is not related to my recovery how? You know that this subject is relevant how?

6- The various opinions germane to this thread have been made. Additional commentary is making no progress, and is quickly becoming a squabble. Therefore I have close the thread.
Wow! Amazing that you know all relevant comments have been made. Are you going to close all threads where you have made this enlightened decision?

7- There are a number of new people whose children, spouses, or other loved one is dying from addiction. Today. This minute. Their needs are far more pressing than a discussion of cultural modes of speech.
There are women (and men) in here struggling with their recovery. Yes, this an aspect of recovery. No I am not going to die from it but I resent you telling me my recovery isn't important. I thought that was the purpose of this forum?
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:03 AM
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That thread devolved into a huge treatise on cultural modes of speech because one person chose to take one word spoken by one poster (taken out of context, and for which he has long since apologized) and turn it into an argument. It was not sufficient to have her say "I am offended" and a few others say, "I don't find it offensive" and let it go at that. It became abusive, convoluted, and had nothing at all to do with the spirit or intent of the OP.

I agree with Mike that there are better places to argue about the condition of women in the Western World, especially when underneath the semantics we all agree with one another.

There is not a single person on this board who wishes to be demeaning to women. And all would be champions to women who are under the thumb of controlling circumstances.

But again: This was one word, spoken by one person in haste, who had long since apologized, which does NOT represent his views on womankind, and which was taken out of context with the purpose of holding him up as an example - tying him to the fence, so to speak.

If my recovery, or anyone's recovery, depends on that kind of behavior, then heaven help me.
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:10 AM
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Why not just close the thread but leave all the posts here?
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:12 AM
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No, I'm sorry the discussion is not one person's use of one word! No, my issue is not jsut the condition of women in the western world. Wow. I it is amazing to me that what I have said is dismissed as jsut a discussion of social issues in general and not as recovery related. They aren't your concernss. They aren't necessarily anyone else's. Fine. But to tell me my concerns are not important is insulting in the extreme.

If my concerns are to be dismissed, that's the way it is. I certainly accept that no one else has to share my concerns or point of view.
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:32 AM
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I don't read anywhere -- here or in the other thread -- that anyone's concerned are being dismissed as unimportant. Only that the decibels of the previous thread were climbing into the "unhelpful" range, and the conversation was devolving into a squabble. Which I agreed with. That's my only point, poorly made in my first post.

The "unimportant" part appears to be a judgment call you're making. That's your right, just as taking "The Girls" out of context was a right.

I know what you've had to go through in the name of your recovery, Barbara, and I have a metric ton of respect for you. In a business or any in-person setting, if someone were to refer to you as "Girl" I would personally rip their arm off and beat them to death with it.....AFTER I made him go get us both coffee. But that's not what happened here.

Martha Beck tells a story about two women entering a building, and having an older gentleman hold the door open for them. One woman said, "What a nice man." The other woman said, "What a chauvinist pig."

The people on this community are my friends. They can hold the door open for me any time they like, because I choose to read their intent before I read my own personal biases.
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Old 01-02-2009, 07:41 AM
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The thread with the posts you are referring to has been closed.

I am also closing this thread at least until the moderators of this forum can look at it and decide if it should stand or be closed permanently.

Any future thread that continue to debate so rudely will be closed also.

Maybe, just maybe, we could all mind our manners and get back to discussing our own experience, strength and hope.

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