Now I know she wants to die
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 70
Now I know she wants to die
This will be fairly long, sorry.
I have a girlfriend named A who I have been very close friends with for over 15 years, we grew up together. A is a gifted and talented person. She is beautiful, an incredible artist and writer, a college graduate, a mentally ill alcoholic. Mental illness has haunted her for a decade. She has had 3 suicide attempts (one serious as a teenager). The attempts seem to be linked with a) alcohol abuse and b) relationships with men. A's father was an alcoholic, and while not physically abusive to his children was not the person they needed. I refer to her family as "the who's who in mental illness", not to be funny, but it is apt description of the extremely dysfunctional situation these guys live in.
For several years A did wonderfully, broke the pattern it seemed. Graduated with honors from a great school with a degree in english literature, had a wonderful, stable boyfriend of seven years, trying to decide whether to go for a masters or consider teaching for a bit, or start writing. This was 6 years ago. But something happened, something changed for A. She quit her job without notice and started working at a bar, she quit her meds and attempted suicide again (in hidsight this was more a cry for help cutting incident), she cheated on her boyfriend with her 20 years older boss at the bar, she flipped her car in broad daylight with a BAC of .20. Their relationship ended. Now we know that he had been finding the beer cans hidden under the porch, in the bottom of the trash can, in her trunk for months and never told anyone, nobody.
This beautiful girl became a self-abusive, depressed alcoholic before our eyes.
A met a man one day at work at the bar and was immediately head-over-heels in love. He gave the rest of us the instant creeps. He stares through you when he looks at you, and his sense of humor...disturbing to say the least. Belittling, emotionaly abusive, referred to her once in my presence as "his child". Also an alcoholic, kicked out of the army, floating between a job and ghetto apt in Charlotte and his dad's spare trailor in Salisbury. He took her to Salisbury with no phone, no car. Isolated her. Hates her friends (as we hate him). Bruises start appearing, lots of weird injuries, explained with "well I was drunk and I fell". Third degree burns from "falling into the fireplace WTF???"
Then oddly it seemed to change, she had color again, she didn't shake anymore. Then last weekend happened.
Please don't get me wrong, we try every day. She has been begged, pleaded with, offered a place to stay, offered anything. Just please get help for your alcoholism, get back on your meds, leave this man!!! She can only cry, say she's trying, say she loves him, say her cats will die, say she can't go to her mom, say she had an interview last week...
Last weekend was my annual party.The five of us that went to junior high, high school, into adulthood and husbands and babies together do it every year. Best friends, the ones we need and want our whole lives. A is invited, A is always invited. Husbands, boyfriends, kids, all are welcome. We have great time, but R (the boyfriend) begins getting creepy at some point, making us all uncomfortable with his sick jokes and strange behavior as he drinks more and more and more. At 1:00 it has winded down to my hubby, my sis and her hubby, thier roomate, and A and R, so I head to bed. A and R are staying at sister's around the corner, to get a ride home to Salisbury in the morning. At 5:30 am my dog goes nuts barking. I've never heard her sound like this in the 3 years I've had her, she sounded bloodthirsty and scared. The phone starts ringing, there is someone pounding on the door!!! Phone is closest, it is my sister "do not let him in, DO NOT LET HIM IN!, he's insane!"
Pound pound pound!!!! Mrsmurph!!!!! Pound pound pound ring ring ring!!!!
We head downstairs. At my back door is man with blood on his face, he looks through the glass and snarls at me "Let me in you stupid b!" I scream for them to get away, that I'm calling the cops in 30 seconds if they don't leave. They leave, I go upstairs and look out the window. They are in the yard, A and R. She has a trash bag with her worldly possesions, he a laundry hamper. He pushes her down, I scream to them I am calling the cops. They run, leaving everything in my backyard. I don't know where they went, I have their stuff still. There is puke in the laundry hamper, I put it in the shed.
Long story short, At sis's he lost it, tried to beat everyone up, tried to push A down the stairs, was physically ejected. A chose to leave with him.
My heart cries for her, for all of us. It's over. I guess I will go to her funeral soon...
I have a girlfriend named A who I have been very close friends with for over 15 years, we grew up together. A is a gifted and talented person. She is beautiful, an incredible artist and writer, a college graduate, a mentally ill alcoholic. Mental illness has haunted her for a decade. She has had 3 suicide attempts (one serious as a teenager). The attempts seem to be linked with a) alcohol abuse and b) relationships with men. A's father was an alcoholic, and while not physically abusive to his children was not the person they needed. I refer to her family as "the who's who in mental illness", not to be funny, but it is apt description of the extremely dysfunctional situation these guys live in.
For several years A did wonderfully, broke the pattern it seemed. Graduated with honors from a great school with a degree in english literature, had a wonderful, stable boyfriend of seven years, trying to decide whether to go for a masters or consider teaching for a bit, or start writing. This was 6 years ago. But something happened, something changed for A. She quit her job without notice and started working at a bar, she quit her meds and attempted suicide again (in hidsight this was more a cry for help cutting incident), she cheated on her boyfriend with her 20 years older boss at the bar, she flipped her car in broad daylight with a BAC of .20. Their relationship ended. Now we know that he had been finding the beer cans hidden under the porch, in the bottom of the trash can, in her trunk for months and never told anyone, nobody.
This beautiful girl became a self-abusive, depressed alcoholic before our eyes.
A met a man one day at work at the bar and was immediately head-over-heels in love. He gave the rest of us the instant creeps. He stares through you when he looks at you, and his sense of humor...disturbing to say the least. Belittling, emotionaly abusive, referred to her once in my presence as "his child". Also an alcoholic, kicked out of the army, floating between a job and ghetto apt in Charlotte and his dad's spare trailor in Salisbury. He took her to Salisbury with no phone, no car. Isolated her. Hates her friends (as we hate him). Bruises start appearing, lots of weird injuries, explained with "well I was drunk and I fell". Third degree burns from "falling into the fireplace WTF???"
Then oddly it seemed to change, she had color again, she didn't shake anymore. Then last weekend happened.
Please don't get me wrong, we try every day. She has been begged, pleaded with, offered a place to stay, offered anything. Just please get help for your alcoholism, get back on your meds, leave this man!!! She can only cry, say she's trying, say she loves him, say her cats will die, say she can't go to her mom, say she had an interview last week...
Last weekend was my annual party.The five of us that went to junior high, high school, into adulthood and husbands and babies together do it every year. Best friends, the ones we need and want our whole lives. A is invited, A is always invited. Husbands, boyfriends, kids, all are welcome. We have great time, but R (the boyfriend) begins getting creepy at some point, making us all uncomfortable with his sick jokes and strange behavior as he drinks more and more and more. At 1:00 it has winded down to my hubby, my sis and her hubby, thier roomate, and A and R, so I head to bed. A and R are staying at sister's around the corner, to get a ride home to Salisbury in the morning. At 5:30 am my dog goes nuts barking. I've never heard her sound like this in the 3 years I've had her, she sounded bloodthirsty and scared. The phone starts ringing, there is someone pounding on the door!!! Phone is closest, it is my sister "do not let him in, DO NOT LET HIM IN!, he's insane!"
Pound pound pound!!!! Mrsmurph!!!!! Pound pound pound ring ring ring!!!!
We head downstairs. At my back door is man with blood on his face, he looks through the glass and snarls at me "Let me in you stupid b!" I scream for them to get away, that I'm calling the cops in 30 seconds if they don't leave. They leave, I go upstairs and look out the window. They are in the yard, A and R. She has a trash bag with her worldly possesions, he a laundry hamper. He pushes her down, I scream to them I am calling the cops. They run, leaving everything in my backyard. I don't know where they went, I have their stuff still. There is puke in the laundry hamper, I put it in the shed.
Long story short, At sis's he lost it, tried to beat everyone up, tried to push A down the stairs, was physically ejected. A chose to leave with him.
My heart cries for her, for all of us. It's over. I guess I will go to her funeral soon...
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hiya Murph,
Unfortunately, all I see that can be done for your friend is prayer.
Congratulations on your upcoming baby, and your sobriety.
Sometimes our H.P. is trying to send us
a message if we can just sit still long enoguh to listen.
Please stay away from the dangers.
I feel terribly sorry for your friend that she is lost in the abyss of alcohol.
Hugs...
Unfortunately, all I see that can be done for your friend is prayer.
Congratulations on your upcoming baby, and your sobriety.
Sometimes our H.P. is trying to send us
a message if we can just sit still long enoguh to listen.
Please stay away from the dangers.
I feel terribly sorry for your friend that she is lost in the abyss of alcohol.
Hugs...
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
((mrsmurph))
Congrats on your sobriety and pregnancy.
I was talking on the phone this weekend with a fellow Nar-Anon member and she recalled a quote a family counselor told a seminar "Don't threaten." She said, instead of us threatening to call the cops, we should just pick up the phone and call. Powerful . . .
Keep safe.
Congrats on your sobriety and pregnancy.
I was talking on the phone this weekend with a fellow Nar-Anon member and she recalled a quote a family counselor told a seminar "Don't threaten." She said, instead of us threatening to call the cops, we should just pick up the phone and call. Powerful . . .
Keep safe.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Mrs Murph)))))
As much as this hurts right now, the best thing you can do for YOU and that wonderful BABY is to pray for her and work on your own recovery. What you are witnessing, and just maybe HP wanted you to see this to REINFORCE your own determination to find Recovery, is the Progression of this disease.
Please concentrate on you. We'll say prayers for her.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
As much as this hurts right now, the best thing you can do for YOU and that wonderful BABY is to pray for her and work on your own recovery. What you are witnessing, and just maybe HP wanted you to see this to REINFORCE your own determination to find Recovery, is the Progression of this disease.
Please concentrate on you. We'll say prayers for her.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
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