Reddmax

Hello all...

It's been a while since I've posted, mainly because I know that the consensus view is right. I'm just being stubborn in accepting that life is the way its going to be as long as the AW has an active addiction.

My internal life is going better, though the delusional crap still continues. The primary issue I'm having now is how I should handle my feelings of anger and resentment in dealing with the actions of an alcoholic? I currently have house guests, so its very hard to find someplace other than my bedroom to sleep. This results in me getting woken up at 2 or 3 AM, which irritates the hell out of me.

How did you all handle these types of feelings?

Reddmax

Barbara52

I left because I couldn't handle living with an active alcoholic.

GiveLove

I'm sorry, Redd. I had to "handle" them by respecting myself enough to leave the situation that was an out-of-control, neverending source of anger and frustration. Like you, I tried every angle to make things better, then I set a boundary and stuck to it. It was crossed, and I had to move on. There is no magic button to make the anger go to sleep, or to make the things you have to deal with go away. it's all either okay with you or it isn't, and you either protect yourself or you don't.

I wish you luck!!

Still Waters

Those feelings will make you sick Redd. I don't have any answers on how to get past or over them, I wasn't able to. I had to remove myself from the situation completely.

ToughChoices

I still have some interactions with my AH that leave me feeling angry and irritated. I deal with it by allowing myself to feel angry and irritated.

I don't discuss the anger with the alcoholic (other than saying something simple like, "I'm feeling angry," and promptly excusing myself.)
I breathe and cry and find a quiet place for myself, away from my husband.
I sit with the feelings and let them pass.
I emerge with new resolve, new ways to avoid a similar experience in the future.
I have to ask myself "What can I do to feel better?", and then do it.

Feeling anger and irritation over and over and over was exhausting to me. I had to ask myself why I continued to surround myself with a person that brought these feelings out in me, SO OFTEN.

CatsnDogs4Me

So sorry to hear the holidays have been tough for you. I still battle resentment over things my AH did, but I performed an exercise a few months ago that helped me. I wrote down all of the things I was angry & resentful about & burned them in the fireplace (my therapist later told me that I unwittingly was working on steps 3 & 4 of the 12 steps in doing so.) It didn't alleviate everything, but it did help me let a lot of the anger & resentment go, and I felt so much weight off my shoulders after doing it. Honestly, though, I don't think I would have had the clarity to do this while I was living with my AH. I moved out 9+ months ago & did this exercise about 3-4 months after leaving him.

laurie6781

All I can add is:

NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES

And obviously, you haven't changed YOUR situation yet.

When you get SICK AND TIRED of it all, you will get out. Until then...........................well I will ask HP to watch over you.

Love and hugs,

Freedom1990

I couldn't live with an active alcoholic.

TakingCharge999

Reddmax

I would say write and burn the papers as long as you need to.. it is really therapeutic to see fire turning all those feelings to nothing.

I plan on taking some karate or kick boxing lessons as I feel anger is consuming my heart and stomach.

I try to have faith in God and that everything is going according to a plan...
And I give my feelings and whole situation to God, because to me its not manageable anymore. I am lost and I need his help.

Hope you get it all out of your system... releasing all these feelings has been a rollercoaster but I have faith one day peace will come. For me to find that peace I had to leave the AH and all the insanity.

Hugs to you.

FormerDoormat

I had to get away from my alcoholic boyfriend and all the madness that he brought into my life--as far away as possible. It was impossible to live a normal life or have a normal conversation with an addict.

Ending my relationship and severing all ties and contact with my boyfriend was one of the best moves I've ever made.

Mr B

Max, there are a number of things you can do to help deal with the anger.

• Take out your frustrations, in private, on an inanimate object. I've got an old couch that has taken a bit of a battering on occasion. Don't do this with anyone else around, though, as it can be perceived as threatening behaviour and a sign of impending violence.
• Practise meditation.
• Go for a long walk, try not to think about anything, just concentrate on the rhythm of your steps and observing the world around you. Don't think, just observe.
• Examine what it is that is really driving the anger and resentment, then consider steps you can take to address those triggers.
• Use the anger as a source of energy in taking steps to change your situation.
• In a secluded place, shout and scream.
• Engage in heavy exercise.

All of these work, to a lesser or greater extent, to calm me down so some of them may work for you. You can also try bottling it all up and trying to pretend it's not there but I can't say that's ever worked well for me The thing is, the feelings of anger and resentment you are experiencing are both understandable and to be expected in the situation you are choosing to remain in. Your wife is treating you with disrespect and with no regard for you as a person in your own right. That sucks and it would tick me off, too.

You can try the practical approach, in that if you're being woken in the middle of the night by your AW, get some earplugs. That never worked well for me, either, as my AXGF would turn on all the lights and if that didn't wake me up, she'd "accidentally" fall on top of me while I was lying in bed. Your mileage may vary.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Good luck,
Mr B.

LaTeeDa

Well, I'd say you answered your own question. In my experience, acceptance is the only way to the other side of the pain. Whether you leave or stay, refusing to accept what is will bring on anger and resentment.

L

embraced2000

or life will be as it is as long as you stay in the situation......

i know how hard it is. i often read entries on here that make perfect sense, but i then think......durn, they make it seem so cut and dried, so black or white, so easy to just leave.

but i have since learned that each and every one of us walked the hot coals and had our hearts broken before we were able to get there.