meesh

Finally went to my first AA meeting after years of denial by myself and friends who tell me I don't have a problem that I just need to cut down on my drinking. The blackouts come unexpectantly and with a lot of remorse, regret and guilt. Changing my drinking habits doesn't help and I never know when I start drinking if I will end up forgetting anything that happens. I'm tired of it. I just spent a whole evening with my sister ( I think) and don't remember anything past the first 5 minutes. Too humiliated to call her either. I have dinner plans all weekend and I don't want to go because I am afraid to drink and afraid to tell people that I don't want to drink for fear that they will call me an alcoholic, which I am. The stigma is just too much...

TryingSoHard

Hi there, and welcome to SR! I'm really glad to see your post.

Don't worry about everyone else. Just worry about you. You can't control them anyway. But you CAN control yourself and what you think and how you react. You don't owe anyone any explanations. A simple, "I don't drink" or "I'll have a Diet Coke" (or whatever) is perfectly sufficient. If they persist or ask further questions, just stand your ground and say you're happy with what you have.

I'm currently feeling exactly the same way - very hesitant to tell people I used to drink with that I don't drink any more because I'm very anxious about what they will say. I'm realizing that it doesn't matter what they say. I'm not going to drink again just because they want me to, and if they care about me AT ALL they won't give a hoot WHAT I drink. So, feck it!

Blackouts suck and are truly scary. I never, ever want to go through one ever again. That is a huge motivation for me to stay sober.

Please keep reading here, and post as much as you feel comfortable. This is a great support resource.

Hevyn

Welcome, Meesh - so glad you're here. I agree with TSH, you need to focus on you and no one else matters right now. You can worry about all that other stuff later. As I've said in other threads, one of my big concerns was what to say, but I decided to just get out there and look people in the eye and say I don't drink anymore - that I felt I was too dependent on it. I was going to make up a lie about being on medication that I couldn't mix with alcohol, etc. - but decided against that. Be kind to yourself, Meesh - give yourself a chance to recover and get your head together. It takes awhile to start feeling human again. Everything will fall into place in it's own good time.

Horselover

Welcome to SR!! Not sure about the stigma and all. You have a disease you didn't ask for. You process alcohol differently then others. You are now trying to get well. Good you!!

least

Welcome to a good place for support and understanding. I agree that you shouldn't worry about anyone but yourself. Get yourself clean and sober and healthy first before thinking about anyone else. I'm glad you found us. STick around, read and post.

Welcome!