bluebelle

I started my new job today. I'll have to admit some anxiety--not just because it's a new job, but because I worry about ABF being on his own. His relapse started after I went to work full time/started taking classes full time. I've been off work for a couple of weeks, and he's been clean during that time. He has a lot of work ahead of him. He still doesn't have full time work, so he has to keep himself busy without going back to the pills. I don't know if he'll ever get himself together, get a full-time job, etc. However, I, of course, am not spending my life staying at home to watch over him. That's a no-brainer. It's important to me that I have my own life and this new job is part of some changes that I'm making. I hope he makes some changes himself, and that he can stay in recovery. I know that I have no control over what he does. I know that I need to take care of myself, and trust that God will take care of him. I will admit that I did think about him a couple of times today. I'd switch to worrying about him, and then have to remind myself to focus on me. I know that I need all my focus on me and my job. Worrying or obsessing over his actions will do me no good.

This is all scary, but exciting at the same time. Worrying is a big problem for me. When I'm at home, I worry about work, and vice versa. I come from a long line of worriers, and it's something I'm trying to work on.

Ann

You are already half way there with good thinking like this. I can't tell you how many times I set my life aside because I didn't want to take my eyes off my addict son. Of course it never made any difference, but my anxiety level was always running on high.

I hope this new job brings you great opportunity, and I really hope he stays clean too. But if he doesn't, at least you are able to take care of yourself financially.

Hugs