Language of Letting Go - Dec. 29 - Moving On
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Dec. 29 - Moving On
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Moving On
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Moving On
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I believe that God puts us in each other's path for a reason, sometimes for a short time and sometimes for a lifetime, but each relationship brings us lessons and adds significantly to who we are.
Knowing that, respecting that, I am more willing today to let go of relationships that no longer serve any purpose to me or the other person. Sometimes we just fade apart, sometimes we become toxic, but when a relationship is no longer healthy, it's time to put space between us.
I am grateful today that the people in my life are healthy and supportive, as I am to them. My real friends stand by me, and accept me for who I am, warts and all. What a relief that is to a people pleaser like me.
Hugs
Knowing that, respecting that, I am more willing today to let go of relationships that no longer serve any purpose to me or the other person. Sometimes we just fade apart, sometimes we become toxic, but when a relationship is no longer healthy, it's time to put space between us.
I am grateful today that the people in my life are healthy and supportive, as I am to them. My real friends stand by me, and accept me for who I am, warts and all. What a relief that is to a people pleaser like me.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
The quote, "Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships,..." from the end of this one is helpful for me to remember. I've been frustrated lately thinking I'll never learn the lessons I'm on this earth to learn and I needed to hear that about acceptance of where I am.
Also, as we approach the end of '08 and the beginning of '09, it's a reminder of changes, always life changes; sometimes it's easy for me to accept, sometimes it's challenging. My relationship with myself is always growing and changing. My relationship with books is always a fascinating one for me. My relationship with food is life-sustaining and conflicting all at the same time. My relationship with the Ponderosa's outside my window is important to me in a metaphorical way. We're in relationship to everything in this world. Letting go of this year and moving on to the next is a macro take on this text.
Also, as we approach the end of '08 and the beginning of '09, it's a reminder of changes, always life changes; sometimes it's easy for me to accept, sometimes it's challenging. My relationship with myself is always growing and changing. My relationship with books is always a fascinating one for me. My relationship with food is life-sustaining and conflicting all at the same time. My relationship with the Ponderosa's outside my window is important to me in a metaphorical way. We're in relationship to everything in this world. Letting go of this year and moving on to the next is a macro take on this text.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Thank you so much for this post Ann - it brought tears to my eyes. This is exactly where I am right now. Struggling, floundering, back and forth. My head tells me one thing, but my heart hasn't cut those strings. I don't know that they can ever fully be cut, but I know for my sanity something needs done. As 09 is upon us, I promised myself that I would not live another year in agony, chaos and the uncertainty of drug use. I've been trying to muster up the words for an update and will do so soon. I'm so thankful for SR as I've learned so much here.
Thanks again for a great post Ann.
Thanks again for a great post Ann.
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