Mark75

My wife and I have a holiday party every year and she invites her relatives that live close enough to attend. She was anxious in the days leading up to it. She even told me so (unusual for her to admit anxiety). She thought that I may not be ready for a party at home. I am about 3.5 months C&S. Having good/not so good days about 50/50 now.

None of the guests are alcoholic, but they certainly enjoy 2 or 3 beers, a glass of wine with dinner, some a martini...

It's the first time beer/wine/gin has been out at my house since rehab. She has a glass of wine every night and I have reconciled that and lost most, if not all, of my resentment over it... she keeps the wine out of sight, has just one...

But WOW !!! Walking by the case of my favorite brand of beer on the way in from the garage, just where I've kept one for 22 years... nice dry red wine on the table... But, even through that I was keeping a "chin up" good attitude.

But, soon after the party started I crashed and burned. Withdrew, not myself. Couldn't click in with the party. Felt like an outcast, like I wasn't really one of them... that sucks, especially in my own house. But THEY didn't make ME feel like that... I made myself feel that way... Shame?!?!

I just went to bed early. My wife was disappointed, not mad, but probably sad that her fears were realized (darn it!!). Maybe felt a little guilty that we had the party at all. We talked a little. She said (in a nice way... appropriately in the flow) "I had a great time, and I don't drink at all during the party". She doesn't understand, and if I start explaining it... blah, blah, blah, shame, guilt, blah, blah, still early in recovery... She knows she can't ever understand and to her I'm over analyzing...

Going to mass this AM and then a meeting. I'll feel better later.... Thanx for letting me share

Mark

StrongBird

I can relate to those emotions too. I'm glad you've got a great plan -- mass + a meeting will certainly help you recenter yourself. You did great though! You're still clean and sober!

It's really helpful for me to read about other people who feel the same types of emotions as me in situations like that. It's also a good reminder that bad feelings alone won't kill anyone. Thanks for sharing your experience!

Anna

Hi,

I remember vividly, being invited to a neighborhood party, when I was early in recovery. I didn't want to admit to my husband how nervous I was. The evening was absolutely miserable for me. I felt so agitated and uncomfortable. I didn't drink, but the next day I went out and bought some wine. For me, I had to stay away from those kinds of situations until I felt stronger and more comfortable.

Good for you, for getting through it.

nolawench

I'm glad you stayed sober, and I understand that feeling of disconnectedness. This too shall pass my friend.

least

I'm so glad you stayed sober, and I'm sorry you were so uncomfortable. THese feelings will pass as your sober time grows.

Pelican

Wow. Thanks for your honest share. I've tried a few social gatherings and felt like Anna described, agitated. I have only had one encounter in my home with someone other than my spouse drinking and I was agitated and cleaned obscure objects like speakers during the whole time. I finally started to relax and danced by myself.

I realized that this was my home, my sanctuary. I have always savored peace and love in my home. Alcohol has also been a part of my home. I just wasn't in love with it anymore. I was not at peace with it anymore. However, the other people here had not changed and were acting the way they always had in my home.

Thanks for your personal experience Mark. It has helped me realize that in my own home, I can still enjoy my peace. I can also allow others to enjoy the peace they have always found here by letting them relax in a manner they are accustomed to.

I hope today will bring you peace as you let yesterdays events become the past and enjoy the familiarity of mass, meeting and family again today.

vegibean

Totally relate Mark. I was able to stay away from the drinking situations but the drinking was still around me. People don't seem to get it. "I won't drink if you come for dinner", but everyone else will be drinking..."I'll tell them they can't drink either", you know I'm not up for everyone else changing to suit me.

I know that had to be rough. Part of me wanted to do nothing but join in on all the drinking and celebrating like everyone else was doing. Bummer.

tommyk

She doesn't understand, and if I start explaining it... blah, blah, blah

Stay on your path. Don't even try to explain it.

Aysha

I know that must a sucked big time. But you made it another day sober. And what a day to do it.
You did a good job. Even tho it doesnt feel like it.
You made it.

littlefish

I can really relate. I have been to a few parties since I quit drinking and the problem hasn't been having a strong desire to drink. My pattern used to be to stay sober or moderate during parties...... and then go home and get blasted, big time. For a few days...or a few weeks. I was so afraid that people would label me as a heavy drinker or an alcoholic that I was careful to give the appearance that I was a light drinker.
Ha, add that to the long list of what crazy things drinkers will do!

What has been bothering me at social events in the last few months is that I can't talk about the most important event in my life recently, quitting drinking and staying sober.
Staying sober is the primary focus of my thoughts and actions right now and because of that, I've been doing a lot of new things: AA, socializing with AA people, seeing an alcohol abuse therapist, reading AA and related literature...etc.

I find it difficult at parties and such because I make fluff conversation and deflect questions about what I've been up to lately.
A few of my friends have noticed this "avoidance" on my part.
But, it doesn't really bother me because it's not really a problem per se.
Soon the holiday season will be over and so will all the parties.
I've been keeping my goals in mind, two sobriety dates, one on the 1st of January and one on the 1st of April, and keeping those goals in mind has helped me through this season.

Mark75

Hi everyone

I had a good day today - some urges, but I ain't gonna have to clean up the empties

Thank you for your heartfelt responses and it feels good to know that people here know exactly how I feel. Also, thanx for the encouragement, nice to know that it does get better. I know it got alot better with my wife's one white wine spritzer at night... but I am not planning on having nightly parties at my house...


Pelican - that's hysterical... I did go out on an errand that I kind of made more urgent than it was, for a break... BTW... yesterday has become the past.

Littlefish - yea, when all you can think about is your recovery, how can you talk about anything else ? I know what you mean.

Thank you all

Mark

coffeenut

Hey, you didn't drink! I'd say it went Very Well!

At a recent dinner everyone was drinking and laughing. Much alcohol was poured, if you wanted it or not. I seriously thought I was gonna beat half the table over the head with a wine bottle. I would have had great pleasure doing it, but then I would have been in jail, so, I guess I'm glad I didn't....but Damn!

I'm glad you are feeling better, today. And thanks for your post. It just helped me put my own dinner experience in perspective.