More Lies
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 15
More Lies
Can anyone help me. How do u get over more lies. I keep finding out over and over again what my ex did when we were together. The latest is that when he was coming over here for a piece of tail after we were broken up he was also messing around with hookers....so i am told. Not by him, but by his ex friend. who knowes if it is true or not i have no idea. I always used protection with him but to be sure i am still going to get checked out. But it hurts. My girlfriend told me I did nothing wrong and i said it hurts cause he thought so little of me. She said he is an addict he thinks even less of himself for doing this to himself. She said it has nothing to do with you.
My question is how do you get over the hurt that the past 2 1/2 years of my life are a lie. How do u learn to trust someone again, how do u move on, i feel like such a fool and so dirty.
Help i welcome any help please. last night when i found out all i did was ball my eyes out i was so upset.
My question is how do you get over the hurt that the past 2 1/2 years of my life are a lie. How do u learn to trust someone again, how do u move on, i feel like such a fool and so dirty.
Help i welcome any help please. last night when i found out all i did was ball my eyes out i was so upset.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
First of all, good for you for using protection and getting yourself checked out. The story may or may not be true.......but you can never be too careful.
Second of all, in some areas I'm pretty good at playing mind games with myself. As a codie, this can be very helpful or very devastating, but bear with me. Try not to look at it as wasted time from your life, or living a lie. Think of it as yes, he hurt you......but every day that you spend mired in the hurt and despair is another day that he wins......another day that he has stolen from you. You can't get back the time that you've already given to him, but you can certainly keep him from getting any more pieces of your time, life, and heart.
Don't think of yourself as the victim, as victims have no power. Think of yourself as the one who was strong enough to end the relationship and walk away. Keep working to get yourself healthy, and live the rest of your life FOR YOU. That is, after all, the best way to live.
Oh, and before I forget, tell everyone you know that also knows him that you no longer want to be updated on what he is doing currently or what he did while the two of you were together. It won't help and you've already seen that it can hurt. If they can't respect that boundary, you may need to limit/eliminate your contact with them.
I've been reading your posts here for a while now..............and you are doing well. Don't let his actions cause you to doubt that. Ok.........I'm done now!
Second of all, in some areas I'm pretty good at playing mind games with myself. As a codie, this can be very helpful or very devastating, but bear with me. Try not to look at it as wasted time from your life, or living a lie. Think of it as yes, he hurt you......but every day that you spend mired in the hurt and despair is another day that he wins......another day that he has stolen from you. You can't get back the time that you've already given to him, but you can certainly keep him from getting any more pieces of your time, life, and heart.
Don't think of yourself as the victim, as victims have no power. Think of yourself as the one who was strong enough to end the relationship and walk away. Keep working to get yourself healthy, and live the rest of your life FOR YOU. That is, after all, the best way to live.
Oh, and before I forget, tell everyone you know that also knows him that you no longer want to be updated on what he is doing currently or what he did while the two of you were together. It won't help and you've already seen that it can hurt. If they can't respect that boundary, you may need to limit/eliminate your contact with them.
I've been reading your posts here for a while now..............and you are doing well. Don't let his actions cause you to doubt that. Ok.........I'm done now!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 67
I have to agree with everyone else. The BIGGEST thing you can do is to tell others you don't want to hear. Because half of what they say is a lie. And you say the last thing you were told was by an "ex" friend of his. That tells a tale too. A lot of addicts leave a trail of people they have hurt or used or abused or taken advantage of lied to...men and women. So, what you hear is not always the truth..yet it still hurts. The less I know about what my ex is doing, the better I am.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
The Lies and the trust issue thing... Those are the two things that I struggle with the most.
Now that my AH is trying to stay clean and work a program, the truth of what he did when he was deep in his addiction is starting to come out all over the place... Somethings are by his own obmission, others are things that I already knew... and some things I will probably never know. All and all it is hard to stomach.. To help me deal with things, I'm working on forgivness.. Forgivness does not justify anything my AH has done and really forgiveness is not even for him it's a gift for me from me.. In order to heal and move on with my life without any resentments I have to forgive..
As for the trust... It will be a looooooooooooooong time before I trust my AH again if ever... I'm working on trusting myself. Trusting my judgements and decisions, trusting my gut and my other feelings.. I have been lied to so much that it is hard for me to trust anyone right now and for now that is ok.. As long as I can trust myself, then I feel like I'm in good shape.
The changes really do begin with me...
I think another poster said it best when she said to tell your ex's friends that you don't want to hear anymore about your ex... In fact it might be a good idea to cut your ties with these people period.
Now that my AH is trying to stay clean and work a program, the truth of what he did when he was deep in his addiction is starting to come out all over the place... Somethings are by his own obmission, others are things that I already knew... and some things I will probably never know. All and all it is hard to stomach.. To help me deal with things, I'm working on forgivness.. Forgivness does not justify anything my AH has done and really forgiveness is not even for him it's a gift for me from me.. In order to heal and move on with my life without any resentments I have to forgive..
As for the trust... It will be a looooooooooooooong time before I trust my AH again if ever... I'm working on trusting myself. Trusting my judgements and decisions, trusting my gut and my other feelings.. I have been lied to so much that it is hard for me to trust anyone right now and for now that is ok.. As long as I can trust myself, then I feel like I'm in good shape.
The changes really do begin with me...
I think another poster said it best when she said to tell your ex's friends that you don't want to hear anymore about your ex... In fact it might be a good idea to cut your ties with these people period.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
When my exabf use go on a crack binge, he would close himself in his apartment for three days and just use crack by himself. He was so broke, he couldn't afford to buy crack for a woman. He lived just down the street from me and I would go over there and check on him and he was always alone.
I asked him about crack and sex and he said it make him feel just the opposite. He also knew his mother or sister could show up at this apartment at any time to check on him too.
I asked him about crack and sex and he said it make him feel just the opposite. He also knew his mother or sister could show up at this apartment at any time to check on him too.
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