Notices

Newbie...feedback welcome!

Old 12-27-2008, 05:07 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 4
Newbie...feedback welcome!

Hello everyone,
I am just beginning a new relationship with someone I truly admire and for whom I want to be a better person. I feel like my drinking is going to have to be the first problem solved before I can deal with my intimacy issues!

I have kicked around the idea of quitting alcohol for years...depending on how effective my rationalization powers were at the moment. I think I drink for the following reasons: I am shy and have social anxiety, plus suffer all the lovely irrational self-criticism that goes along with that. I also have been drawn to relationships with other alcoholics who share my fear of being "found out" through intimacy. I am terrified that my significant other will see that I am a disgusting individual - by the way, in my rational mind I know I am intelligent, talented, caring, intuitive and attractive, but I can say that to myself all I want and my overriding belief is the exact opposite. Booze makes me feel relaxed, cool, numb...you guys know.

Anyway, I really want to quit but I am bored/self-loathing/depressed when I don't have a drink in my hand and a steady supply at my disposal. BUT, I feel like I've met someone who could actually be a great compliment for me- not a savior, I might add, but a person I can't lose because of addiction. I've screwed up so many opportunities because of it. I need your support!! I am a "ninja" drinker, so I don't feel comfortable talking to people face to face about this.
Thank you in advance!!!
S
Resolute14 is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:30 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Hello, Resolute! Welcome to SR! Keep reading and posting.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:33 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
 
flutter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Welcome, read what other people have experienced here, there's a lot of great success stories! Keep posting!
flutter is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:36 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
getting there
 
colagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Welcome, resolute! Sounds like you are ready to quit drinking. There is lots of great support here - keep posting and reading!
colagirl is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
Hi and Welcome,

I was also very harsh with myself and my self-esteem was extremely low, in spirite of the fact, that on the outside, everything looked great. But, I didn't like myself at all. That was part of the reason why I couldn't stop drinking. I didn't care enough about myself.

I am glad that you are choosing to live a sober life. Be sure to do it for yourself first, and for the relationship, second.
Anna is online now  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:46 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Looking For Myself...Sober
 
Aysha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Welcome Resolute..Lots of support here.
Aysha is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:48 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 4
thanks

Thanks, that is good advice. I certainly wouldn't do for a man what I wouldn't do for myself- I just feel like I've missed too many good things at this point. I guess I needed some inspiration. Yeah, the self loathing is so ridiculous, but I can't seem to train myself out of it. Did sobriety help you with that? I feel like I am just covering the voices with alcohol, but the next morning i am in even deeper because I am ashamed and embarrassed for being a sloppy drunk loser. ERRRRGGG!!!
Resolute14 is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:55 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
getting there
 
colagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
I don't have enough sober time to comment on how it changes the view of yourself, but I definitely relate to the covering things up with the alcohol. I didn't even realize I was doing that... being sober for even a little while I actually felt much more optimistic about a lot of things that I considered hopeless.
colagirl is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:55 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
The thing is, addiction is a viscious circle. You drink because you feel bad, then you feel worse and so you drink again. At some point, I needed to take a leap of faith and step out of the cycle. That meant taking a very hard look at myself and to begin to heal. I needed to face the shame and guilt and get through it without drinking. It's hard to do, but you can do it. And, it makes you stronger and it makes you like yourself, just a little bit. And, it's a beginning.
Anna is online now  
Old 12-27-2008, 06:29 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Welcome to a great place for support and suggestions. I am finding sobriety is making me into a much better person. I also have some social anxiety but not too bad sometimes, and I'm glad I'm sober to be able to do anything and not risk danger by being drunk.

Welcome!
least is offline  
Old 12-27-2008, 08:17 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Changes...for me sobriety was all about changes.
I worked very hard to make positive changes.

There was a large sign over the podium in my first AA group

"Keep Coming Back...It works"

I did and it has....

Welcome to SR!
CarolD is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:03 PM.