Toomutch

Sorry for posting this twice, I wasn't getting any feedback on my other thread.

I really want to help my nephew as he is on a downhill slide. He is locked up now in a correctional facility for the next 45 days. He has finally reach a point where the probation officer has given up on him. After his 45 days he can't go back with his mother (my sister) because she hasn't been there for him since he was 10 years old. She hasn't been home for a few months now. She and her boyfriend bought a bar and she spends all her time there when she is not at her boyfriends.

Trevor (nephew) has never known anything but abandonment. His dad left befor he was born. My sister had an affair with the brother of the man Trevor called Daddy. So at 10 years old he was abandoned by him. The men have come and gone- it makes me so terribly sad.

I had Trevor with me much of the time when he was younger, he stayed with us alot until he reached an age where he was out of control and no longer wanted to come over.

He needs a home when he leaves lock up and my single brother with no children is possibly going to take him in and provide a very stuctured contract for Trevor to follow.

If my brother ends up not taking him, he will go to foster care. I am so guilt ridden wondering what more I could have done to make a difference in his life.

I have 4 teenagers at home now who are all doing well. If I brought Trevor in it would upset the applecart. He steals to by drugs, kicks holes in walls. Not that I blame or judge him - but I dont feel I can take him on with everything else I have on my plate.

Am I being selfish?

Thanks for listening!

least

I don't think you're being selfish. If your circumstances are not such that you could foster him then you can't do it, that's all. You already have a lot on your plate, you don't need to put anymore on you.

flutter

What a difficult situation. You really just need to think about what's best for you, and your family. That would be really hard, as he IS family.

I don't think you're being selfish. Doesn't mean it's easy

Toomutch

Thanks ladies.

I do have alot on my plate, however my superwoman side thinks I can do anything. Then there's that other side that knows I would be bitting off more than I could chew.

coffeenut

Boy do I 'get' this!

No, you aren't being selfish. In fact, if you take him in, you may be sacrificing your own children (not to mention your sobriety).

Best Wishes.

Aysha

NO!! Your not being selfish..I was saying to myself half way through reading that I hope that wasnt what you were getting at.
That may sound messed up from me..But you got a whole lot already going on.
Its nice your concerned and all. But dont try and overwhelm yourself.
Hopefully your brother can handle it..A male in his life may be what he needs.

Toomutch

Thank you coffeenut and Trish. I think if a family member took him in it probably should be my brother. I think he might even be to much for my brother to handle. The lord only knows how this situation unfolds.

notsleepingwell

TM....No advice, just wanted to say...if you wanna post over in friends and family of substance abusers....you'll get a lot of people kinda in the same boat. Hope to see you over there.

Not saying you're wrong to be in this forum....just yer welcome over there as well
NSW

gravity

No, you are not being selfish. You said it in your post, Trevor does not want to be with your family. I know this sounds cold, but he is your sister's responsibility, not yours. She should be the one making the best decision for her son.

Your brother seems to be in the best position to help Trevor. He sounds like a good man.

This is a heartbreaking situation. I have had to accept situations like this in my life - I know it's hard. I pray that the young man can turn his life around.

45 days is a long time. Take it one day at a time and remember the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Toomutch

Thank you Gravity for your post. No you didn't sound cold, you sound reasonable and honest.

My thank you button isn't working, so for those of you I havn't personally thanked, Thank You.