Stuck Here
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 381
Stuck Here
Someone at an A.A. meeting once told me that regardless of whether I'm 'in' or 'out', I am in A.A. for life. I think maybe what he meant was, that the moment I went to my first meeting and admitted that I am powerless over alcohol is that I am by default, an A.A.-er.
I was frightened by that prospect, until I found myself with one foot in A.A. halls and one foot out over the last two years for what seemed like no end.
Then it started to hit home as soon as I began regularly running into people that I had seen at meetings out in public and sometimes it was not such a welcome encounter.
Coincidentally, just before I started to go to meetings on my own accord (and not being dragged in by a friend who was in the program) I started seeing this guy jogging in my neighborhood. He had this big smile and always said hi. There was something about him that made me feel inspired.
Then, sure enough, I went to a meeting in the neighborhood and he was the treasurer there. He didn't bat an eye when he saw me.
Since then, he has seen me at meetings, he has seen me hanging outside of bars, walking out of a liquor store, he has seen me remorsefully hung-over and he has seen me beaming with my head held high after leaving a meeting. I can't say it is not a very awkward experience and association to have with a person who the only thing you only know is their first name.
When I was beginning to go to meetings, I held a fear that I would run into more of my drinking friends and have awkward encounters with them and I wanted to keep up a front that I was still their drinking buddy (I would just not return their calls when they called me later to ask me if I wanted to go out with them).
The interesting (or maybe not-so-interesting) thing about this is, is that my old drinking buddies are never to be found, or not until I look for them.
But an A.A.-er will pop up at any time at the most unexpected places. And I will admit, it does get annoying (because their getting in the way of my addiction!)
I guess it is to serve as a reminder. I have always been incredibly afraid of running into a drinking buddy while I was having coffee with someone in A.A. and having to explain who this person was and where I knew them. But the funny thing is, is that that has happened maybe once, but the times I've encountered people in A.A. while I was out with a drinking buddy are numerous.
I guess my point is, that whether I like it or not, I am stuck in recovery. It will follow me and rear it's head just as much those enticing neon signs from the corner bars do. I guess it is my choice which path I really want to take.
Besides, I think the Neighborhood guy has probably had enough of these awkward encounters as I have.
I was frightened by that prospect, until I found myself with one foot in A.A. halls and one foot out over the last two years for what seemed like no end.
Then it started to hit home as soon as I began regularly running into people that I had seen at meetings out in public and sometimes it was not such a welcome encounter.
Coincidentally, just before I started to go to meetings on my own accord (and not being dragged in by a friend who was in the program) I started seeing this guy jogging in my neighborhood. He had this big smile and always said hi. There was something about him that made me feel inspired.
Then, sure enough, I went to a meeting in the neighborhood and he was the treasurer there. He didn't bat an eye when he saw me.
Since then, he has seen me at meetings, he has seen me hanging outside of bars, walking out of a liquor store, he has seen me remorsefully hung-over and he has seen me beaming with my head held high after leaving a meeting. I can't say it is not a very awkward experience and association to have with a person who the only thing you only know is their first name.
When I was beginning to go to meetings, I held a fear that I would run into more of my drinking friends and have awkward encounters with them and I wanted to keep up a front that I was still their drinking buddy (I would just not return their calls when they called me later to ask me if I wanted to go out with them).
The interesting (or maybe not-so-interesting) thing about this is, is that my old drinking buddies are never to be found, or not until I look for them.
But an A.A.-er will pop up at any time at the most unexpected places. And I will admit, it does get annoying (because their getting in the way of my addiction!)
I guess it is to serve as a reminder. I have always been incredibly afraid of running into a drinking buddy while I was having coffee with someone in A.A. and having to explain who this person was and where I knew them. But the funny thing is, is that that has happened maybe once, but the times I've encountered people in A.A. while I was out with a drinking buddy are numerous.
I guess my point is, that whether I like it or not, I am stuck in recovery. It will follow me and rear it's head just as much those enticing neon signs from the corner bars do. I guess it is my choice which path I really want to take.
Besides, I think the Neighborhood guy has probably had enough of these awkward encounters as I have.
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