starting1over

Well I used to be on 6 years ago and going through the beginning motions. My ex AH stole everything he could get his hands on, treated me like crap, hooked up with every girl he could find, which was always weird because he's not cute or slender. He's real big. Well I finally told him to leave and this time I met it. It happened on May 26, 2008. Which at first was fine. But he was always in my life. I could never get over him or find out my true feelings. He hooked up now with the second girl since I told him to leave. even though he keeps telling me he wants to come back. And start fresh. He has stopped smoking crack. I don't believe him. And I know he's just using these girls. I don't know why this makes me jealous. I don't know why I even care. But I do and it hurts so much. I finally told him he has to stay out of my life for at least 6 months. But that was after his new girlfriend started a bunch of ****. And told me they were getting married. A part of me wanted to do this to him first, and I thought that I had find the guy, but rejected by him to. So now I'm just working on me. Getting me where I need to be. I am so glad to be back here.

Ann

Welcome home, it sounds like it's been quite a journey for you but this last line tells me you have found the better path, the path that is yours alone.

We can't control anyone else but ourselves. When we try to control another person, we give THEM all the power because if they do what we want, we are fine, and if they do not, we are devastated...what THEY do affects who we are....and that is so wrong.

It takes us all a while to find the path that is truly ours, sometimes we have to walk through the maze just to be sure. But once we find our own path of recovery, we can walk together sharing the journey and knowing we will never be alone again.

Hugs

marle

Welcome back and good for you that you have decided that you are the person who wants to change. Hugs, Marle

greeteachday

Welcome back! I am glad you are deciding to put the focus on you. I found I couldn't change until I made that move.
I hope you will keep reading and posting and focus some of that energy on doing fun things for yourself and reading about codependency and finding a meeting or 10

Blackrose56

Sounds like you and are walking the same road. I was on here before too. And I threw my ex out as well. And had not heard from him in a little over a year. He contacted me 7 months ago now because he was having trouble dealing with the death of his daughter (at 19 she died of a crack overdose last Thanksgiving) We have talked off and on since then and I was hopeful that maybe he'd finally decided he had enough. The last woman he hooked up with to teach me a lesson and to give him a roof over his head when I threw him out, threw HIM out. And he was living over a bar. Two months ago he called to tell me he met the woman of his dreams. And it hurt. Every few weeks after he called and it finally came out he met her in a bar and he had NO place to go and she offered him a place with her. She is also an addict and has severe mental problems. 2 months ago he called again and said he was done, and wanted to start over and get clean and sober and move out here. And I was excited and hoped that he meant it. And then two weeks later I read where he applied for a marriage license with this woman. Like you...I know he's using them. He admitted he was. He also told me since I left he's progressed to drinking/drugging 24/7. And his life is a mess. But it still hurts. And I wonder what do these "women" have that I don't.

And then I realize I need to move on with my life and in just the last year I have come SO far. I now have a great job, my own apartment, a new car and money in the bank. (All things I would NOT have if he were here.)

We take little steps. One step forward, and sometimes 2 backward. And sometimes for me it helps to stay in my "rational" mind.

Yes, it still hurts. You loved this man. You did not go into the relationship expecting this to happen. And you hurt because they would rather have that life than the one they could have with us.

Just my opinion.