Don't know if it's PAWS or what, but I'm feeling horrible lately
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Don't know if it's PAWS or what, but I'm feeling horrible lately
both mentally and physically. Next Sunday I'll hit six months sober. But I feel awful in too many ways. Woke up out of two horrible scary dreams today and still don't feel 'real' or grounded in reality. Got my gas bill and it was huge - way too big for as low as I keep my furnace, so either there's some horrible error in the last meter reading or the girls who were here while I was gone over Tgiving turned the furnace way up and didn't tell me.
Have errands to do but don't want to leave the house. Can't sleep as I had a two hour nap a while ago (the second scary dream). Feel agitated and upset and sick and don't know why. I've had two cups of chamomile tea and still can't calm down. Feeling alone and disconnected worse than ever. Can't sit still and can't rest. I feel like all this sh!t is being thrown at me and no time to get out of the way.
Am really stressed lately, and now these horrible dreams are intruding on my waking life and this huge bill to pay or argue about with the gas company. Hating my life but can't leave it. Don't know what to say or do or feel anymore. PAWS info says these are normal expected feelings, especially around certain lengths of sobriety. But how do I get past them and feel 'normal' again??
Feeling so alone and afraid and uncertain.:wtf2
Have errands to do but don't want to leave the house. Can't sleep as I had a two hour nap a while ago (the second scary dream). Feel agitated and upset and sick and don't know why. I've had two cups of chamomile tea and still can't calm down. Feeling alone and disconnected worse than ever. Can't sit still and can't rest. I feel like all this sh!t is being thrown at me and no time to get out of the way.
Am really stressed lately, and now these horrible dreams are intruding on my waking life and this huge bill to pay or argue about with the gas company. Hating my life but can't leave it. Don't know what to say or do or feel anymore. PAWS info says these are normal expected feelings, especially around certain lengths of sobriety. But how do I get past them and feel 'normal' again??
Feeling so alone and afraid and uncertain.:wtf2
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I haven't experienced PAWS either.
But, I have had many 'down' times during recovery. I have had times when I feel like I'm not moving forward at all, but just marking time. It's frustrating. But, in the end, it's usually followed by a a small leap forward.
Have you tried keeping a dream journal or trying to figure out what your dreams are trying to tell you about yourself? Maybe there is a message that you might understand.
Hang in there, Least!
But, I have had many 'down' times during recovery. I have had times when I feel like I'm not moving forward at all, but just marking time. It's frustrating. But, in the end, it's usually followed by a a small leap forward.
Have you tried keeping a dream journal or trying to figure out what your dreams are trying to tell you about yourself? Maybe there is a message that you might understand.
Hang in there, Least!
Drunkaholic
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
Least -- it is so weird to come home from discarding my Christmas boxes to see this post.
I am feeling very similar. I am very irritable, can't see to get motivated, my best friend is begging me to come over and hang out, but I really don't want any in-person meaningful conversation.
I had plans to get out for a 9AM Spin Class, then it rolled past and then I said I'd got to the Noon Class - didn't happen. Now let's see if the 5:30 one happens.
I am not craving or anything like that. I just feel tense and like I would be so irritable if I had to carry on any conversation.
I just think the only answer would be to just sleep, but too tense to even do that. Plus, I have been enjoying sleeping through the night since the 3 days after I quit this week.
I am feeling very similar. I am very irritable, can't see to get motivated, my best friend is begging me to come over and hang out, but I really don't want any in-person meaningful conversation.
I had plans to get out for a 9AM Spin Class, then it rolled past and then I said I'd got to the Noon Class - didn't happen. Now let's see if the 5:30 one happens.
I am not craving or anything like that. I just feel tense and like I would be so irritable if I had to carry on any conversation.
I just think the only answer would be to just sleep, but too tense to even do that. Plus, I have been enjoying sleeping through the night since the 3 days after I quit this week.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
The cure depends on the patient.
Things that help are what make you healthy, creative, self-aware and what gets rid of the mental baggage. And, worst of all, is patience.
Something I did that relieved a reoccurring nightmare I had. I had these really horrible dreams where I would be looking down at my arms, and see my wrists being cut as by some invisible knife and I'd start bleeding to death (as you can imagine, it was wonderful waking up to that!)
My solution was to draw a little comic (a minor hobby of mine) where in one panel I drew my arms (normal); in the next they'd be bleeding; then in the last I drew a picture of my whole self, shouting at someone off-panel for being clumsy and spilling ketchup all over me.
Since then I had one dream, but this time it was about ketchup, not suicide.
Things that help are what make you healthy, creative, self-aware and what gets rid of the mental baggage. And, worst of all, is patience.
Something I did that relieved a reoccurring nightmare I had. I had these really horrible dreams where I would be looking down at my arms, and see my wrists being cut as by some invisible knife and I'd start bleeding to death (as you can imagine, it was wonderful waking up to that!)
My solution was to draw a little comic (a minor hobby of mine) where in one panel I drew my arms (normal); in the next they'd be bleeding; then in the last I drew a picture of my whole self, shouting at someone off-panel for being clumsy and spilling ketchup all over me.
Since then I had one dream, but this time it was about ketchup, not suicide.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
It will pass Least just like cravings pass. Our moods come and we notice them more now. It may be PAWS or it may be post holiday stress. I vote for post holiday stress with me. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs to you my dear and to your dogs!
Last edited by Horselover; 12-26-2008 at 01:58 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Well, today is just one day of many - and many days previous to this, you were doing great. I understand how difficult it is when you are feeling stuck and full of fear, though, and how far away those good days seem to be.
So put off the errands, and don't worry about the gas bill for today. Enjoy that chamomile tea, have something to eat, phone a sympathetic friend, and maybe get into bed early. Nurture yourself and allow yourself to come out of it naturally.
You are approaching a huge sobriety milestone, and I am very proud of you.
So put off the errands, and don't worry about the gas bill for today. Enjoy that chamomile tea, have something to eat, phone a sympathetic friend, and maybe get into bed early. Nurture yourself and allow yourself to come out of it naturally.
You are approaching a huge sobriety milestone, and I am very proud of you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Although 6 months is a major achievement it is still early days in the scheme of things, I know I felt weird at 6 months...in fact it is when I relapsed.
Also the excitement of being sober starts to wear off I think and it becomes less of a novelty...also 6 months is a milestone and milestones are hard for some people (me) for some reason.
It could easily be PAWS Least. Weird dreams don't help either!
Also the excitement of being sober starts to wear off I think and it becomes less of a novelty...also 6 months is a milestone and milestones are hard for some people (me) for some reason.
It could easily be PAWS Least. Weird dreams don't help either!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
6 months is a hard milestone I think.It was for me.I felt like I'd come so far-yet still felt so bewildered?
You'll be ok Least.It's times like this we just HAVE to see it as one day at a time.Regardless of the days we've clocked up?Life throws stuff at us.It always will.But just deal with today.I know it sounds trite-but it's all I can do sometimes to remain sober.And I have.You can too.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.The rest will fall into place eventually.Promise
Julesxox
You'll be ok Least.It's times like this we just HAVE to see it as one day at a time.Regardless of the days we've clocked up?Life throws stuff at us.It always will.But just deal with today.I know it sounds trite-but it's all I can do sometimes to remain sober.And I have.You can too.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.The rest will fall into place eventually.Promise
Julesxox
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
THank you all for your love and concern. I will try not to focus on the bad feelings and events, but more on the good things. At least I woke up feeling better today and no bad dreams. It's not raining so I can give the dogs a nice long walk.
I would be lost and alone for sure without the love and caring of everyone here. You all make the difference to me that enables me to keep on keepin' on, especially when it's a hard road to walk. It does help tremendously to know I'm not alone. Thanks to all of you. I love you more than I can say.
I would be lost and alone for sure without the love and caring of everyone here. You all make the difference to me that enables me to keep on keepin' on, especially when it's a hard road to walk. It does help tremendously to know I'm not alone. Thanks to all of you. I love you more than I can say.
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