My 1st Christmas with out my son
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Westland, Pennsylvania
Posts: 247
My 1st Christmas with out my son
This will be the 1 st. Christmas with out my boy. My husband and I have been talking about him all day. We went for food today all we could say Jason liked this Jason liked that, he really could be eating if he were here. We give and get our Christmas Presents on Christmas eve we could hear him saying can I have mine now since he was grown we gave him clothes and money. He also got money from my mum (She died last year) and he got money from my sister. I hope to God he wasn't buying drugs with it. Last year I think he was clean. On Christmas day he and his son would allways go to my sister's with his gram for dinner.
Don't get me wrong I went through all the bad stuff to the stealing, lieing and all that goes with addiction. But he was my heart and I miss him so much I just pray that God picked death for him because things were not going to get any better to save him from himself. He loved his gram and pap so he is spending Christmas with them in heaven. I am trying to get my act together I have to live without him and I am trying.
I am not a drinker and I hate beer but a couple of days ago their was nothing to drink so I drank a beer the nexted day I drank another one everyday I drank 1 untill they were gone I know this has to stop reading how things can go from their. Since they are gone have no need for one I just needed a cold drink I will keep the soda in the frig.
I am not going to have a Happy Christmas this year but I hope everyone here does so Happy Holidays all!!!!
God Bless you
Maggie
Don't get me wrong I went through all the bad stuff to the stealing, lieing and all that goes with addiction. But he was my heart and I miss him so much I just pray that God picked death for him because things were not going to get any better to save him from himself. He loved his gram and pap so he is spending Christmas with them in heaven. I am trying to get my act together I have to live without him and I am trying.
I am not a drinker and I hate beer but a couple of days ago their was nothing to drink so I drank a beer the nexted day I drank another one everyday I drank 1 untill they were gone I know this has to stop reading how things can go from their. Since they are gone have no need for one I just needed a cold drink I will keep the soda in the frig.
I am not going to have a Happy Christmas this year but I hope everyone here does so Happy Holidays all!!!!
God Bless you
Maggie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Aww, Maggie, it's been such a short time since he died so this may be a tough Christmas for you. Maybe just keep yourself busy enough to enjoy what you can without exhausting yourself.
My son has been missing for over 4 years and I still think of Christmas's past and wish things were different. But I have learned to give him to God's care and then find beauty in the day anyway.
It gets better with time, we heal some and can move on, and my prayers go out that you can too and that as Christmas's go by, one day you will find the joy and peace again.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.
My son has been missing for over 4 years and I still think of Christmas's past and wish things were different. But I have learned to give him to God's care and then find beauty in the day anyway.
It gets better with time, we heal some and can move on, and my prayers go out that you can too and that as Christmas's go by, one day you will find the joy and peace again.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Maggie)))
I can only imagine how hard this holiday season is for you. Just remember not to expect yourself to be "over" Jason in any set amount of time. We all grieve in our own time.
When my mom died, the first year was so hard..all the "firsts" were just hard..first Christmas, birthday, mother's day, etc. It never gets what I would call easy, but the good memories do win out over the pain, eventually.
When my 18-year-old stepsister died in a car wreck, it was a different kind of pain. My mom had been sick, my stepsister was a very healthy young mother. My dad, stepmom and I are raising her daughter, who is the spitting image of her mom.
In both these situations, I thought the pain would kill me, that I could never find joy again in my life. But, in large part because of my mom, I know that life goes on and part of honoring those that we have lost is to live our lives to the fullest. My mom knew she would not live to be an old lady, so she took full advantage of every day.
I know that, right now, it is a struggle just to get through each day. It took me 6 months for my mind and heart to actually accept that my mom was gone, even though I knew it, if that makes any sense. I hope you can continue to come here, share what you're feeling and "talk" it out.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I can only imagine how hard this holiday season is for you. Just remember not to expect yourself to be "over" Jason in any set amount of time. We all grieve in our own time.
When my mom died, the first year was so hard..all the "firsts" were just hard..first Christmas, birthday, mother's day, etc. It never gets what I would call easy, but the good memories do win out over the pain, eventually.
When my 18-year-old stepsister died in a car wreck, it was a different kind of pain. My mom had been sick, my stepsister was a very healthy young mother. My dad, stepmom and I are raising her daughter, who is the spitting image of her mom.
In both these situations, I thought the pain would kill me, that I could never find joy again in my life. But, in large part because of my mom, I know that life goes on and part of honoring those that we have lost is to live our lives to the fullest. My mom knew she would not live to be an old lady, so she took full advantage of every day.
I know that, right now, it is a struggle just to get through each day. It took me 6 months for my mind and heart to actually accept that my mom was gone, even though I knew it, if that makes any sense. I hope you can continue to come here, share what you're feeling and "talk" it out.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Maggie I don't know what to say. I'm praying that, if they'll bring you comfort, when you sleep you are blessed with the most pleasant dreams of your son. All the good times including from way back when he was a baby.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Huggs Maggie. And prayers for you and your husband. The good memories aren't a bad thing there is healing in those too. Mom passed 14 yrs ago, and I thought of her this night, and just cried. She brought many good Christmas memories, even though alcohol was always there, she made it special for family and many. I've lost 2, not to death, but to addiction the past 2 yrs, and we are a smaller family here this year, just son and I. I wonder how my older AS is doing tonight, he's never been without us on Christmas til this year. I'm trying to make the best of it, happy memories, and sad....we will get through. And so will you.
With Love,
NH7
With Love,
NH7
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Maggie))
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I believe in angels Maggie, I really do. I believe there are special people that become special angels. Just as you are thinking of Jason, I believe he is thinking of you, sending you love and comfort.
Bless you hon.
B
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I believe in angels Maggie, I really do. I believe there are special people that become special angels. Just as you are thinking of Jason, I believe he is thinking of you, sending you love and comfort.
Bless you hon.
B
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Maggie
I haven't been around for some time now so I don't know your circumstances; however, I do know that God had a plan for your dear Jason and we have to believe that he is happy and in a much better place than before.
Just think about him being with God and all those angels singing. Who knows maybe he was selected to be in God's own choir.
I know how difficult it must be for you and your husband especially at this time of the year, but maybe if he was here with you he wouldn't be as happy and carefree as he is now.
Take care, stay strong, remember God knows what's best for all of us.
Hugs Devastated
Just think about him being with God and all those angels singing. Who knows maybe he was selected to be in God's own choir.
I know how difficult it must be for you and your husband especially at this time of the year, but maybe if he was here with you he wouldn't be as happy and carefree as he is now.
Take care, stay strong, remember God knows what's best for all of us.
Hugs Devastated
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
****{Maggie}}}
I'm so glad you are here and talking, keep reaching out.
With my grandma and her losing her son, the pain doesn't
go away but it does become much easier to deal with.
She can say his name and smile now, and the talks of him
are of good things and times. But she had to allow herself
to grieve, just like you are. Feeling, I think is one of the
hardest things there is to do, but it's gets us through the
toughest times. Keep talking, and keep reaching out.
You are doing better than you think you are.
We are all here for you..
I'm so glad you are here and talking, keep reaching out.
With my grandma and her losing her son, the pain doesn't
go away but it does become much easier to deal with.
She can say his name and smile now, and the talks of him
are of good things and times. But she had to allow herself
to grieve, just like you are. Feeling, I think is one of the
hardest things there is to do, but it's gets us through the
toughest times. Keep talking, and keep reaching out.
You are doing better than you think you are.
We are all here for you..
watching the clouds roll away
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: bliss
Posts: 87
Maggie - I am sending you wishes for peace and comfort this Christmas night. It is so hard to be without someone we loved every day, but especially at holidays. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry, to hurt, to cry, to NOT have a happy holidays. It's all okay. Because you lost someone so special to you. That pain is real and needs space in your life so that you can work with your feelings and begin to heal.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The universe is so vast and there is so much that we do not know. Perhaps there are reasons for unthinkable things. I am on my own journey of healing right now and I know how hard it is. I wish you much support as you move through this. Happy Holidays Maggie.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The universe is so vast and there is so much that we do not know. Perhaps there are reasons for unthinkable things. I am on my own journey of healing right now and I know how hard it is. I wish you much support as you move through this. Happy Holidays Maggie.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Maggie,
My son is in jail, and I miss him so much. At least I know I will see him, hear his voice, get angry with him. Every day he is alive is a day he might choose to be sober. I know you must hurt so badly. As I read your post, I could see Jason sitting there with you and your husband, smiling at the memories. Don't be afraid to speak his name and remember. It keeps him alive in your heart. sending love and peace your way.
krhea
My son is in jail, and I miss him so much. At least I know I will see him, hear his voice, get angry with him. Every day he is alive is a day he might choose to be sober. I know you must hurt so badly. As I read your post, I could see Jason sitting there with you and your husband, smiling at the memories. Don't be afraid to speak his name and remember. It keeps him alive in your heart. sending love and peace your way.
krhea
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