EpNy

Well I am looking for opinons on if I should send a text message for tomorrow. Basically I built a friendship wth a woman that was going through a divorce who I didnt know at the time was also having a bout with an adiction. It really had become a friendship though to the point that it seemed at somepoint it could have escalated into something more. She was text messaging me that she got home, to call her later, even that she was going to make dinner for me once she really settled into her place.
Things were going well untill one night she was suposed to meet me someplace and she didnt show. the next day I went looking to see if she was ok since she wasnt answering texts. That freaked her out being that she told me that she was afraid to leave her house at one point over her Ex. She yelled at me on the phone that we cant be friends anymore and that I got too controling. An hour later she called me back saying that she over reacted and we are fine if I could just drop off her picturs of her kids I had in my truck. I did and she kept grabbing my arm telling me that we are fine. A few days later I stop to see her and said I missed my friend, she said she apreciated that and she does too, we will have that again she just needs time. A week later the day before thanksgiving I get a text from her saying that a movie I lent her she was leaving at the resturant that night for me. I replied ok thanks have a good holiday. She replied you too. I get there that night to find out she is only stopping by to repay the money she took 4 nights before and that she had now labled me as a stalker to a few people. They knew different but it was her paranoia that got the best of her on that. She just lost her place since she was partying too much and with that she had to move to a different state to her sisters, hence I got my dvd from her.
I havent heard from her since but from what I understand she was on my door step 2 weeks ago when she came back to town to see her kids. I had no idea how much of an abuser she was. I can only hope she is straightening out at her sisters place.
My question is would I be wrong to send a text message of Merry Christmas?

whereami

The question I think you are really asking is will the text lead to more? There are too many wonderful things out there to keep you busy and focused and not to mention a course to happiness when you avoid drama...so the question is will it lead to more drama in your life and if you are prepared for her then go ahead and text otherwise I would let the sleeping corpse lie...jmo

jerect

NO! Don't send that text!!!!!!!

Leave things alone... the less chaos you have in your life the better... and if you continue to communicate with this women, chaos may be the least of your worries..

Give yourself the greatest Christmas gift of all and cut your losses here..

If you still feel uneasy about your decision, just read the posts here on SR... all the Posts from family and friends of drug addicts... you will certainly be glad that you did not send that text.

Freedom1990

I think the title of your post already gives you the answer.

Ann

Ditto to the "leave it alone" responses. Why would you WANT a relationship of any kind with a woman like that? You don't have to answer but it is a question that you might ask yourself.

How drawn we codies can get to the drama of addiction, like moths to a flame...but you know what happens when the moth gets too close to the flame...and at that point it's not the flame's fault.

Hope you find a happier way of living.

Hugs

In a Tailspin

Seriously? Why are you even contemplating this? You should be glad that there is no contact at this point. No matter what her reason, her behavior is unacceptable. Come on man, you gotta care about yourself more than to keep playing into her drama!! There is nothing there for you but pain and heartache. MOVE ON!!

notsleepingwell

Just something for you to consider....Women take the simplist things and build something outta them. So take care of everything you do, because we tend to interpret things that perhaps you don't intend. I would think you will be playing with fire...
Just something to think about, IMHO


NSW

EpNy

I know I have to leave it alone. Its the best course of action. Early on she was telling me that she knows she needs to grow up. Not that these are excuses for her behavior but her mother died 6 years ago her mother inlaw died 4 years ago and then the divorce is going on for the last 2 years. Her only real famiy left is 4 states away and its her sister. One of the reasons I got involved was that a high school friend of hers that I know pushed me at her. Now he is singing a different tune but he also told me that id never have a real relationship with her while he was still in the picture so I dont know what his motives are either. If she gets her act together she will contact me. Sometimes its good to have some support behind the decision and you people gave it to me.

EpNy

My buddy also said to me basically put her on the back burner. If she comes back then the rules change but other then that she said she needs time then give it to her

jerect

Even if she does contact you again and she most likely will... PLEASE leave it alone.. The rules only change if you allow them too..

No one has just a "bout" with addiction.. It's not like the common cold that goes away after the holiday season.. It progressivly gets worse and worse and worse. From what you have described not only is she an addict but she also has some borderline personality problems. Unless she gets help for herself, this is a never ending merry-go-round of insanity for anyone that involves themselves in her life.

I can assure you that this is something that you want NO part of... whether it be a friendship or love relationship. She has already accused you of stalking her... there is no telling what else she will accuse you of if you continue to stay in this friendship with her.. Ask yourself... is she worth it?

If she calls or texts again, ignore her..

In the meantime, pick up and read the book codependent no more... I think that book might have a lot of the answers you are looking for..

EpNy

Her problem did not just develop for the holidays. The picture Im getting its been a spiral for years and now she is at one of her last avenues with her sister. I just am hoping that she gets some help at her sisters place.

laurie6781

Ep WELCOME to SR. You have found a really GREAT place with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) to help you get through this.

I am glad you are here, but sorry that it had to be an addict in your life that brought you here.

Please understand that when one suffers from the disease of addiction, we don't seem to get sober and/or clean at the hope, wish and desire of our loved ones and dear friends. Each of us has our own bottom, and unfortunately not all of us find Recovery.

That being said, say a prayer or two for your friend, and allow her HP (Higher Power) to watch over her.

In the meantime, you might want to read some of the 'stickys' at the top of this forum to give you an idea of what is involved.

I think as part of 'being human' we all want to help our fellow man, however, with those of us with an alkie and/or addict in our lives that 'wanting to help' can become an obsession of it's own and we can and many of us do become co-dependent and without realize it start enabling the addict.

Maybe checking out some Alanon or Naranon meeting for YOU would be a good idea as a 'preventative measure' to help you NOT become Co-dependent.

Good to see you here. Hope you have a Happy, Peaceful and Serene Christmas!

Love and hugs,

EpNy

I know that there is no amount of hope/wishes that I can have for her that will help her. She actually has hope faith and love as a tattoo that she said she believes in. the Codependent thing i can see where most would believe that I could fall right into that. I am a very laid back person who will put up with alot, but I have to be honest I was growing weary of her antics. If I hadn't freaked her out I'm sure it would have come to a head within the next couple of weeks anyway. She would have lost her place anyway and there was no way she was moving in with me.... she would have had to go to her sisters. The reason I wanted to send the Text was 2 fold. I wanted to let her know that she could still talk to me. The other was a self esteem thing for me yes because of how quickly everything just collapsed around the friendship that seemed so mutual. It simply confused me. I didn't text her today, nor in the future. I do continue to wonder if everyone else is right and that she will try and contact me when she gets back to the area after she spends some time at her sisters place. Only time will tell. I cant linger on that thought though

hope213

welcome to S.R. you can send her a text but if i was you i would run for the hills. read around. it is hard to deal with an addict. it is stressful & we get nothing out of it but stress. prayers,