I left and have my older son with me at work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I left and have my older son with me at work
I was leaving for work this morning and AH came in and started to shriek at me about moving my accounts and blaming me for us not be able to refinance out house (because I had moved my money to another bank). He started to call me a stupid B, was screaming at the top of his lungs and OK I am just shaking now. I was afraid. My older son was with him when they got home--he had just taken our younger son to daycare. I told my son to get dressed (he had just put his snowpants and coat over his jammies)--grabbed a breakfast bar and juice for him and told him to get some toys together--he was coming to work with me. During the screaming AH started telling me he was not going to pay for anything anymore because of my stupid decision to move my money and that he would just move out and get a $350 room. I told him calmly I thought that would be a good idea and left with my son.
I am now at work. I have just called my sister at work and she said that we could stay with her. She asked if he had hit me and I told her not yet--but that he had almost done it in the past and I did not want to stick around to see if he would or if his violence would escalate. She told me to come to her house (she was a vicitim for 2 years of domestic abuse-physical and emotional about 18 years ago). She told me she has not forgotten what it feels like.
I do not know if I should call the police or not. I do not know if I should call the daycare and let them know not to let him take my (well our)--I keep saying my--other son.
I want to file now and don't have the $^&*%%^&U money.
At least I have a place to stay.
I am now at work. I have just called my sister at work and she said that we could stay with her. She asked if he had hit me and I told her not yet--but that he had almost done it in the past and I did not want to stick around to see if he would or if his violence would escalate. She told me to come to her house (she was a vicitim for 2 years of domestic abuse-physical and emotional about 18 years ago). She told me she has not forgotten what it feels like.
I do not know if I should call the police or not. I do not know if I should call the daycare and let them know not to let him take my (well our)--I keep saying my--other son.
I want to file now and don't have the $^&*%%^&U money.
At least I have a place to stay.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I am glad you have a place to stay for now. I would definitely call the daycare and not allow him to pick your other child up. That is frightening. I am a survivor of domestic abuse, and my oldest daughter witnessed many horrible fights between EXAH and me.
You hang in there, and take it 5 minutes at a time if you have to, okay? I'll be praying for you and your children! :ghug :ghug
You hang in there, and take it 5 minutes at a time if you have to, okay? I'll be praying for you and your children! :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I too recommend calling a domestic violence hotline to find out what options you have. You may not be able to stop your AH from picking up you child from daycare without a court order of some sort.
JTinStLouis
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 115
Hello,
Yes I am glad you are OK and have a place to stay as well. Be careful and stick to your decisions. There is too much at stake here and that is yourself and your children. We all know this is hard and the timing is never good that is for sure. Do go stay with your friend whom understands well what you are going though and will help you understand the dangers of what you could face emotionally and physically. Please do take care of yourself and like freedom has said do it minutes at a time if need be. You know your situation better than all of us, however I will say be careful of the persuasion of the using AH as they can be very cunning themselves.
I will have you in my thoughts and wish you the best.
JT
Yes I am glad you are OK and have a place to stay as well. Be careful and stick to your decisions. There is too much at stake here and that is yourself and your children. We all know this is hard and the timing is never good that is for sure. Do go stay with your friend whom understands well what you are going though and will help you understand the dangers of what you could face emotionally and physically. Please do take care of yourself and like freedom has said do it minutes at a time if need be. You know your situation better than all of us, however I will say be careful of the persuasion of the using AH as they can be very cunning themselves.
I will have you in my thoughts and wish you the best.
JT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
If it were me, I would talk to my employer, explain the situation, and ask for the rest of the day off. Then I would go pick up my other child and take them both to a safe place. Then call the domestic violence people and make a plan. So sorry you are going through this.
(((())))
L
(((())))
L
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Dear Wife
I am sorry I got to your thread late. How are you and the boys tonight? please check in when you are able. I am praying for strength, and clarity and peace to carry you all through this challenging time. The other side holds a good life for you!
I am sorry I got to your thread late. How are you and the boys tonight? please check in when you are able. I am praying for strength, and clarity and peace to carry you all through this challenging time. The other side holds a good life for you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
wife, you have given yourself and your children the greatest christmas gift of all. that took guts.....congratulations.
it may not feel so good right now, but just give it time and good things will begin to happen for you.
much love and prayers.
it may not feel so good right now, but just give it time and good things will begin to happen for you.
much love and prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Sorry I did not reply to this--lots going on.
We did go home for Christmas and he white knuckled it. My family came over so he had no choice but to hold it together--they know what is going on.
He is still drinking and I assume getting high. I am not staying up at night to check on him since I am done and just need to wait to start the legal proceedings. I do make sure he is not around the kids when he is drinking.
I have contacted a lawyer and she has all she needs to file. She told me not to call the police because I would look like a hysterical woman if I called to say my husband was yelling at me and my kids.
I have clothes packed in the back of my car to last 3 or 4 days so when he is going to be served I can pick up the kids and go somewhere besides home. I have a friend who sells Body Shop stuff who has put together a "leaving" toiletry kit for me and the kids. Her dad is an alcoholic so she knows what I am going through. She has even made arrangements for me to use her mom and step-dad's apartment if we leave while they are still in Florida. Her mom said having been in the same situation she is more than happy to help.
I have found many other very sympathetic people who have offered help. One will take my dog as long as I need her to. Another said although her apartment is small we could stay as long as we like. My sister said the same.
His behavior is still crap and he is still drinking. I almost have the rest of the money for the retainer. I have a call in to our Employee Assistance Program--they have attorneys who will provide a 25% discount so I may have enough now--waiting to hear back from them.
If not, I have made an appt. with the accountant so we can get out taxes done--that will give me the money for a retainer and a guardian ad litem if he decides he is going to fight custody.
I have started a room by room spreadsheet of what we have so it can be divided. I have taken important papers and photos and have given them to a friend.
I have asked him to call the kids' psychiatrist because he has been complaining about our older son's behavior (he has RAD/PTSD and is on medication and he thinks the medication is making him worse and wants me to stop giving it to him--of course because he won't get help and take any medication because he is just fine) and the psychiatrist has told me he has never called. The kids' therapist has asked that he come in so she can tell him he needs treatment now for alcohol, drugs and anger management--that way if he refuses it will be on record and not just my say so.
I made a copy of the Leaving List and have been working on it. I cannot afford to pay the mortgage and for an apartment for the kids. Attorney said she will put in the order that he should leave and why (alcohol, drugs, anger management problems).
Sorry I did not write back--there was a lot going on and I was trying to do many things all at the same time and was hardly ever on the computer except at work--and work of course has been busier than usual.
Thanks again for your support. I will update as things happen.
We did go home for Christmas and he white knuckled it. My family came over so he had no choice but to hold it together--they know what is going on.
He is still drinking and I assume getting high. I am not staying up at night to check on him since I am done and just need to wait to start the legal proceedings. I do make sure he is not around the kids when he is drinking.
I have contacted a lawyer and she has all she needs to file. She told me not to call the police because I would look like a hysterical woman if I called to say my husband was yelling at me and my kids.
I have clothes packed in the back of my car to last 3 or 4 days so when he is going to be served I can pick up the kids and go somewhere besides home. I have a friend who sells Body Shop stuff who has put together a "leaving" toiletry kit for me and the kids. Her dad is an alcoholic so she knows what I am going through. She has even made arrangements for me to use her mom and step-dad's apartment if we leave while they are still in Florida. Her mom said having been in the same situation she is more than happy to help.
I have found many other very sympathetic people who have offered help. One will take my dog as long as I need her to. Another said although her apartment is small we could stay as long as we like. My sister said the same.
His behavior is still crap and he is still drinking. I almost have the rest of the money for the retainer. I have a call in to our Employee Assistance Program--they have attorneys who will provide a 25% discount so I may have enough now--waiting to hear back from them.
If not, I have made an appt. with the accountant so we can get out taxes done--that will give me the money for a retainer and a guardian ad litem if he decides he is going to fight custody.
I have started a room by room spreadsheet of what we have so it can be divided. I have taken important papers and photos and have given them to a friend.
I have asked him to call the kids' psychiatrist because he has been complaining about our older son's behavior (he has RAD/PTSD and is on medication and he thinks the medication is making him worse and wants me to stop giving it to him--of course because he won't get help and take any medication because he is just fine) and the psychiatrist has told me he has never called. The kids' therapist has asked that he come in so she can tell him he needs treatment now for alcohol, drugs and anger management--that way if he refuses it will be on record and not just my say so.
I made a copy of the Leaving List and have been working on it. I cannot afford to pay the mortgage and for an apartment for the kids. Attorney said she will put in the order that he should leave and why (alcohol, drugs, anger management problems).
Sorry I did not write back--there was a lot going on and I was trying to do many things all at the same time and was hardly ever on the computer except at work--and work of course has been busier than usual.
Thanks again for your support. I will update as things happen.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I am telling you--ever day he does more and more to make it all just too easy (I know it won't be). Over the weekend we went to an adoption family reunion and I told one of the families we are close to what is going on. He got trashed 2 nights in a row--and they saw it all. At one point he was holding their 4 year old son and I just took him away and handed him to them and told them not to let AH anywhere near him--he might drop him. They were very supportive and were very happy I found thins place and have learned to disengage. So, others who have seen him.
He got some goofy 2 day job delivering flowers to a city 3 hours away from us and he calls me at work while there. Some guy pulled out and smashed into the side of his van. The guy go out and was smashed drunk and wanted to give him money--so AH would not call the police obviously. Well moron that he is--he took the money, did not call the police because "he did not want to get the guy in trouble--he was an older guy. . ." Great, now he can get back in his car and kill someone you idiot!! I called him and idiot--asked him how he intended to pay for the damage repair and he started coming up with all sortsof creative things--I hung up. He called me back 15 minutes later telling me he called our insurance agent and told her his car got wrecked by a hit and run. So now he is lying to the insurance agent and she is going to file a claim.
My thoughts--he was drunk or high and did not want to call the police because then he would get in trouble, honor among theives (or drunks) is what made him not call the police on the drunk guy who hit him, he has now lied to the insurance agent--and I am thinking that is illegal.
I don't want to clean up after him--but now he made me part of his lie to the insurance co. by telling me about it. Do I call the insurance agent and tell her he lied and that he was hit by some drunk who paid him $350 on the street. Later he called me all excited because the deductible is only $250 so now I would not have to cook dinner--we could order out Chinese with the left over $100:wtf2 His stupidity seems to have no bounds--of course I know that.
He got some goofy 2 day job delivering flowers to a city 3 hours away from us and he calls me at work while there. Some guy pulled out and smashed into the side of his van. The guy go out and was smashed drunk and wanted to give him money--so AH would not call the police obviously. Well moron that he is--he took the money, did not call the police because "he did not want to get the guy in trouble--he was an older guy. . ." Great, now he can get back in his car and kill someone you idiot!! I called him and idiot--asked him how he intended to pay for the damage repair and he started coming up with all sortsof creative things--I hung up. He called me back 15 minutes later telling me he called our insurance agent and told her his car got wrecked by a hit and run. So now he is lying to the insurance agent and she is going to file a claim.
My thoughts--he was drunk or high and did not want to call the police because then he would get in trouble, honor among theives (or drunks) is what made him not call the police on the drunk guy who hit him, he has now lied to the insurance agent--and I am thinking that is illegal.
I don't want to clean up after him--but now he made me part of his lie to the insurance co. by telling me about it. Do I call the insurance agent and tell her he lied and that he was hit by some drunk who paid him $350 on the street. Later he called me all excited because the deductible is only $250 so now I would not have to cook dinner--we could order out Chinese with the left over $100:wtf2 His stupidity seems to have no bounds--of course I know that.
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