I am not crazy . . .
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I am not crazy . . .
Had a weird thing happen yesterday - was about to leave my house to go to old house to get grandkids stuff (cause soon to be ex AH said he needed it out of the way asap) well AH called and said - why are you coming to get stuff today? I said you wanted it out of the way. He said "I never told you to get it out of the way - never said I was going to throw it out - blah, blah, blah"
It was insane. I just hung up the phone.
I was so angry for a few moments - I stepped out side and walked up & down my street - repeating to myself - I'm not crazy - I'm not crazy. This man IS the one who said he was going to throw the grandkids toys away - he is the one who said - get this stuff out of his way by Sunday - HE IS THE ONE WHO WANTED IT OUT OF THE WAY.
Just because he is so messed up & in the depths of his disease - does not mean I have to be there with him.
I AM NOT CRAZY. So after calming down & walking the street like a Powerwalker for about 10 mins. - I calmed down & realized a beautiful thing. . .
I am Free.
Free from the chaos - free from the insanity - free from the disease -
FREE.
I did a cartwheel in my front yard and laughed. I laughed so hard I almost cried.
I am NOT crazy. I am a sane healthy woman who has worked long and hard to be in this beautiful place of serenity, joy and freedom. My HP has blessed me beyond my wildest imagination with an inner contentment.
I will only be affected by that insanity if I allow myself to be.
Free - Free -
what a beautiful gift.
So many of us are on this path - surrounded by the insanity and chaos of this disease - I pray that the light for the road to freedom will be shown to you - whatever that direction will be for you - that you will embrace your Higher Power's guidance and know that inner contentment, peace and joy.
We are not crazy. We have just been affected by a disease and we can know sanity, peace, love and freedom.
HUGS to each of you,
Rita
It was insane. I just hung up the phone.
I was so angry for a few moments - I stepped out side and walked up & down my street - repeating to myself - I'm not crazy - I'm not crazy. This man IS the one who said he was going to throw the grandkids toys away - he is the one who said - get this stuff out of his way by Sunday - HE IS THE ONE WHO WANTED IT OUT OF THE WAY.
Just because he is so messed up & in the depths of his disease - does not mean I have to be there with him.
I AM NOT CRAZY. So after calming down & walking the street like a Powerwalker for about 10 mins. - I calmed down & realized a beautiful thing. . .
I am Free.
Free from the chaos - free from the insanity - free from the disease -
FREE.
I did a cartwheel in my front yard and laughed. I laughed so hard I almost cried.
I am NOT crazy. I am a sane healthy woman who has worked long and hard to be in this beautiful place of serenity, joy and freedom. My HP has blessed me beyond my wildest imagination with an inner contentment.
I will only be affected by that insanity if I allow myself to be.
Free - Free -
what a beautiful gift.
So many of us are on this path - surrounded by the insanity and chaos of this disease - I pray that the light for the road to freedom will be shown to you - whatever that direction will be for you - that you will embrace your Higher Power's guidance and know that inner contentment, peace and joy.
We are not crazy. We have just been affected by a disease and we can know sanity, peace, love and freedom.
HUGS to each of you,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: on to bigger & better things
Posts: 4,122
I am so glad to see that you are doing so well Rita. I know exactly how you feel. When I got out of my last (more than one, I'll interject here, LOL) mess....it was wonderful even though it drug out way too long. With the calls, the messages, the "stalking"....I was still so relieved to not have to "be" in that anymore. And today it is nice, he still sends an occasional email and I can just SEE the insanity in his words....so codie, so sick, so.....BLECH just makes me want to throw up. The xah, his letters from prison....well on & on I could go.
I am grateful to be a part of all of this cuz I have seen you grow and use your recovery in a way that I admire. "I WANNA BE LIKE YOU WHEN I GROW UP".
You've helped me sooooo very much and I want to THANK YOU!!
And......I've got these too.....
I am grateful to be a part of all of this cuz I have seen you grow and use your recovery in a way that I admire. "I WANNA BE LIKE YOU WHEN I GROW UP".
You've helped me sooooo very much and I want to THANK YOU!!
And......I've got these too.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Yay for you!
I remember that feeling too - in fact, I still gve myself a little pat and feel so proud inside, when I don't try to wrap my around someone else's false "reality"!
Wish I knew how to do a cartwheel, that sounds great!
(((hugs)))
I remember that feeling too - in fact, I still gve myself a little pat and feel so proud inside, when I don't try to wrap my around someone else's false "reality"!
Wish I knew how to do a cartwheel, that sounds great!
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
LOL.... good for you, and as far as what outtolunch said, "did you really do a cartwheel"-
I acutually looked at your location- cause I thought to myself "it must not be snowing where she is from, doing cartwheels in the snow would be most difficult!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Love cessy
I acutually looked at your location- cause I thought to myself "it must not be snowing where she is from, doing cartwheels in the snow would be most difficult!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Love cessy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Rita))))
Good for you!!! You are definitely NOT crazy....he is, and so is HIS world...you just aren't a part of it any more.
I'm like Connie...so grateful to be walking along with you...and so very proud of you. You inspire me, and always remind me what true recovery is all about.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Good for you!!! You are definitely NOT crazy....he is, and so is HIS world...you just aren't a part of it any more.
I'm like Connie...so grateful to be walking along with you...and so very proud of you. You inspire me, and always remind me what true recovery is all about.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
As impressed as I am about your attitude (and i'm very impressed) - I'm even more impressed that you can do a cartwheel. Last time I tried i threw my back out for a week. All I can say is any grandmother who can do a cartwheel is a force to be reckoned with - I pity the fool standing in your way (yes i did just use my Mr T voice when i typed that)
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
yes - my friends I DID DO A CARTWHEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stood there and thought - I am so free I can do anything!! I felt so overwhelmed with joy, happiness -
you know how you are when you are a kid and you just wanna skip, jump and do a cartwheel - so i did one in my front yard!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't know about the Olympic Judges but I would give me a 9.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks so much for the love & support - it has been a long hard battle for me - I so wanted this relationship to be the "recovery relationship" I knew that I had to give it my very all before I could walk away. I gave all that I had and he was unable to give the same - so now I can step out into a new place - at peace in my soul.
Never would I have made it without my recovery family, Al-Anon and my wonderful HP - this team helps me to keep the focus on:
God
Serenity
Courage
Wisdom
May each of you have the same
HUGS,
Rita
I stood there and thought - I am so free I can do anything!! I felt so overwhelmed with joy, happiness -
you know how you are when you are a kid and you just wanna skip, jump and do a cartwheel - so i did one in my front yard!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't know about the Olympic Judges but I would give me a 9.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks so much for the love & support - it has been a long hard battle for me - I so wanted this relationship to be the "recovery relationship" I knew that I had to give it my very all before I could walk away. I gave all that I had and he was unable to give the same - so now I can step out into a new place - at peace in my soul.
Never would I have made it without my recovery family, Al-Anon and my wonderful HP - this team helps me to keep the focus on:
God
Serenity
Courage
Wisdom
May each of you have the same
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
I am Free.
Free from the chaos - free from the insanity - free from the disease -
FREE.
I did a cartwheel in my front yard and laughed. I laughed so hard I almost cried.
Free from the chaos - free from the insanity - free from the disease -
FREE.
I did a cartwheel in my front yard and laughed. I laughed so hard I almost cried.
Thankyou for making me smile. & Thankyou for sharing your ES&H with us.
Blessings,
NH7
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
As impressed as I am about your attitude (and i'm very impressed) - I'm even more impressed that you can do a cartwheel. All I can say is any grandmother who can do a cartwheel is a force to be reckoned with - I pity the fool standing in your way
Me too!!! I'm not so sure I can do the cartwheel on frozen ground, but I'm on my way out to the trampoline to do a couple of joyful flips! Happy Holidays Rita...You've received a wonderful gift!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Even tho Southwest Louisiana had snow in December (which set all kinds of records)- this past weekend the temperatures were in the upper 60's.
So don't be that impressed with me - it was a beautiful sunny crisp day. We probably won't have snow here for the next 15 yrs!
Thanks again for all the encouragement. It does help so very much.
Every day has it's ups and downs - today seems to be a teary day - filled with more layers of grief of lost dreams of my home and holiday plans - sad that the disease stole that from my life - but also still holding on to my God's promise that all will be restore in His timing and in His way.
Probably won't be back on until after the holidays - so Merry Christmas to all,
Love & HUGS,
Rita
So don't be that impressed with me - it was a beautiful sunny crisp day. We probably won't have snow here for the next 15 yrs!
Thanks again for all the encouragement. It does help so very much.
Every day has it's ups and downs - today seems to be a teary day - filled with more layers of grief of lost dreams of my home and holiday plans - sad that the disease stole that from my life - but also still holding on to my God's promise that all will be restore in His timing and in His way.
Probably won't be back on until after the holidays - so Merry Christmas to all,
Love & HUGS,
Rita
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