whereami

Well I received a box in the mail today addressed to me by my ab's sister and it was a few outfits for my little girl and 2 little toys for her. He told me she would be sending us a box for xmas and that they are really excited about me getting it. I had just spoken with her before she sent it and explained how much I missed him and hoped he would get help and get things back on track. She said she knew what I was going through and felt so bad her bro had put me through so much this year. She knew I turned down plane tx to see them because I couldn't leave my mom's house where I am leaving to go spend x,as when he still isn't in recovery. She must have been mad at me or something because she didn't send me a card a bottle of lotion-nothing. The only thing with my name was the box it was delivered in. That HURT...last year when I was pregnant she got me a robe, lotion, purse, book and a gift card. This year after all the hell I have been through and not even a xmas card saying she missed us and wanted us there? I am so hurt because she is our age and the only one I really respected in his family and now I realize she is being fake with me and is loyal to her family and my little girl and that is it. She wouldn't care if I suffered through missing xmas with my family to be there for a day and then for me to come back to pissed off parents who are the only ones supporting us right now. Not even a card? What is her problem is this her way of punishing me for not going out to see him and them?According to him they all want us there-by action it seems all they want is my baby? I am so sad...I feel taken for granted and not cared for at all. Am I sad for no reason? Help me understand...this is my first xmas with y lil girl and I don't know how to deal with this please help?

marle

You say that your parents are the only ones supporting you right now. It sounds like you deciding to stay at home with them for Christmas was a good idea. Put your loyalties where they belong and right now they belong with your family. I know it hurts not to have your boyfriend with you and clean, but that is not possible right now. Just because his sister did not send you a gift does not mean she does not care about you. Maybe all she could afford was to send your daughter something. Hugs, Marle

whereami

It definitely isn't a money issue...they just got back from vacation and are planning to go on another trip in January ...they do extremely well and my ab is getting some nice clothes and shoes and cologne from them as well as some money and resteraunt gift cards. I am not being mean about what I didnt get Im just upset I didnt even get a card. I am sorry it is just something that makes me sad.

Freedom1990

I try real hard not to 'read' into why other people do what they do.

It sounds to me like you are very blessed to have your immediate family there for you, and perhaps focusing on the gratitude of having them in your life would help.

There are a lot of people in this world who have no one. I just watched the news the other night and how the homeless shelters were filling up fast because of another cold snap, and it made me grateful for what I have.

outtolunch

Writing her off because she did not personally acknowledge you seems a bit unreasonable, under the circumstances. She is not responsible for her brother's addiction or this baby. That she acknowledged the baby's first Christmas is a nice gesture.

whereami

I'm sorry I guess I am not supposed to feel this way I apologize.

Impurrfect

sweetie, don't apologize for the way you are feeling. We feel what we feel. We are simply pointing out that maybe you can get PAST those feelings by looking at it another way. I've gotten my feelings hurt, but when someone points out other ways to look at the situation, then I can move past it.

I know you're hurting, and this is a hard time of the year for you. I have to remind myself that I don't know what is going on in someone else's life. They may be upset with me, they may not...they may not even realize that what they did upset me. They may have so much going on in THEIR life that what they did was simply an oversight. Who knows? I just know that if I focus on what they did to me, it will eat me up. The faster I can let it go, the better off I am.

Be gentle with yourself. What helps me, is when I start thinking of negative or things that hurt me, I force myself to think of something GOOD in my life each time. It took effort, when I felt like I was drowning in grief, but before long, it became automatic. Sometimes it was something very simple, like "I have a roof over my head"...believe me, when I was homeless, that was a pretty big deal.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

rose

Hi WhereamI,

I know how you are feeling, my husband is the addict. Sadly his side of the family and I have all pulled away from each other, the addiction has caused so much damage.
Take care and stay close to your family.

Rose