Something that upset me at a meeting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 63
Something that upset me at a meeting
Last night I went to a meeting and it was a meeting I had not been to in a while. There were some new females there and I believe they were brand new to recovery. They were very flirtatious with some of the guys before the meeting started.
One of the females was eyeing me up when I walked in and she said to me..as I sat by myself.."I think I know you from somewhere" and I said "could be" and was polite. The other two females just eyed me up. Not the love I usually feel in meeting. A group of guys came in and she went to sit with them directly across the table from me and continued to whisper to this guy and stare at me. I felt like I was under a microscope so I excused myself to the bathroom and actually got crying. Another member came in and wanted to know if I was ok and she said some people in that group are mandated to be there by the courts and they sit and make comments and watch the clock.
Boy that is some feeling to think you are in a safe room and share your stuff and have the guy next to you judging you or smirking.
Anyway, i called one of my AA numbers and they said "principles b4 personality" and that I was there for me and she was probably there to hook up and was threatened by me. It really got me because this is the first time I have felt bad at a meeting and was like OMG did she see me in a bar way back when and I was drunk?
Not a healing environment there last night. I actually saw her walking there in the freezing cold b4 the meeting and I thought look at her I wonder if she needs a ride. sheesh.
thanks for listening.
I will never go back to that meeting because I am embarrassed. One of the other member
One of the females was eyeing me up when I walked in and she said to me..as I sat by myself.."I think I know you from somewhere" and I said "could be" and was polite. The other two females just eyed me up. Not the love I usually feel in meeting. A group of guys came in and she went to sit with them directly across the table from me and continued to whisper to this guy and stare at me. I felt like I was under a microscope so I excused myself to the bathroom and actually got crying. Another member came in and wanted to know if I was ok and she said some people in that group are mandated to be there by the courts and they sit and make comments and watch the clock.
Boy that is some feeling to think you are in a safe room and share your stuff and have the guy next to you judging you or smirking.
Anyway, i called one of my AA numbers and they said "principles b4 personality" and that I was there for me and she was probably there to hook up and was threatened by me. It really got me because this is the first time I have felt bad at a meeting and was like OMG did she see me in a bar way back when and I was drunk?
Not a healing environment there last night. I actually saw her walking there in the freezing cold b4 the meeting and I thought look at her I wonder if she needs a ride. sheesh.
thanks for listening.
I will never go back to that meeting because I am embarrassed. One of the other member
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too have found some meetings less appealing than others.
Just like bars....I kept going until I found some I liked...
You might want to check out a Womans meeting.
They are also a good place to find a sponsor.
I'm sorry you were upset.
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I understand how you feel. I always feel like someone is watching me or judging me. That is something that I have to work on.
I remember a fight my BF and I had one night. He was feeling sorry for himself (like he does most nights). He was going on and on about this and that, mostly about how he "gave up the bar life" when I came around. He was trying to make me feel bad saying that he is a single man with no responsibilities and if he wanted to pick up and go to a bar right now (it was midnight when he was having this argument with me) that he could. That he didn't have to worry about finding a babysitter (I have three kids) or didn't have to worry about getting up for work in the morning and so on..... Anyway. Finally he stopped and said "don't you just wish you could get up and go do whatever you wanted to".
I thought about it for a split second and I said "you know what, I do. Every day I get up and I go do what I want to do. I love my kids and I take care of them because I love them. I love my job and I want to get up and go to work every morning because I believe in what I do. I do what I want to do.....and the things I want to do are done because I GREW UP!"
He thinks he's "all that" because he can pick up anytime he wants to (which is daily) and go get drunk at a bar and listen to loud, crashing music you can rarely understand the words to. That is his good time. And he thinks I'm stupid because my good time involves taking care of my children and giving my best at my job.
That night he put me down over and over and in his eyes I looked like the childish fool. But I hope someday, God willing, he'll realize the childish fool was him.
The point is, it doesn't matter to me what people think when they look at me. And I won't let their childish smirks or better than you attitudes upset me. I know what I see when I look in the mirror. I knew who I was once upon a time and I know where I am today and I know that I am where I am because of my hard work.
I remember a fight my BF and I had one night. He was feeling sorry for himself (like he does most nights). He was going on and on about this and that, mostly about how he "gave up the bar life" when I came around. He was trying to make me feel bad saying that he is a single man with no responsibilities and if he wanted to pick up and go to a bar right now (it was midnight when he was having this argument with me) that he could. That he didn't have to worry about finding a babysitter (I have three kids) or didn't have to worry about getting up for work in the morning and so on..... Anyway. Finally he stopped and said "don't you just wish you could get up and go do whatever you wanted to".
I thought about it for a split second and I said "you know what, I do. Every day I get up and I go do what I want to do. I love my kids and I take care of them because I love them. I love my job and I want to get up and go to work every morning because I believe in what I do. I do what I want to do.....and the things I want to do are done because I GREW UP!"
He thinks he's "all that" because he can pick up anytime he wants to (which is daily) and go get drunk at a bar and listen to loud, crashing music you can rarely understand the words to. That is his good time. And he thinks I'm stupid because my good time involves taking care of my children and giving my best at my job.
That night he put me down over and over and in his eyes I looked like the childish fool. But I hope someday, God willing, he'll realize the childish fool was him.
The point is, it doesn't matter to me what people think when they look at me. And I won't let their childish smirks or better than you attitudes upset me. I know what I see when I look in the mirror. I knew who I was once upon a time and I know where I am today and I know that I am where I am because of my hard work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 63
TY guys
KV you are strong. My SO picks up and does what he wants but he lies about it. I think I was thinking "OMg does this girl know him? what does she know?" Its like who cares..anyone who knows me in the rooms knows my story and accepts me and cheers for me to do well. I need to start doing it 4 myself. I just know at this early stage when I get those vibes it might be better to just leave it..or I could face it next week. You never know. I never went to a meeting expecting that bs though. Live and learn.
Thanks again!!
KV you are strong. My SO picks up and does what he wants but he lies about it. I think I was thinking "OMg does this girl know him? what does she know?" Its like who cares..anyone who knows me in the rooms knows my story and accepts me and cheers for me to do well. I need to start doing it 4 myself. I just know at this early stage when I get those vibes it might be better to just leave it..or I could face it next week. You never know. I never went to a meeting expecting that bs though. Live and learn.
Thanks again!!
Breathing
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Nola
Posts: 97
Choose, I understand where you're coming from, I have had some similar experiences, and the person at that meeting that told you that they are more than likely there because they have to be to make the courts happy, is probably right. That's not to say that those who start going to meetings because they " Have to" are all like that, alot start out that way, and by the grace of God they keep coming back because they want to.
My home group is relatively small, and mostly men, but the women there are awesome. ( myself included, lol) But I need to find a womens group, I know there are some fairly near me, I just need to go. I may like it, I may hate it.. I've always dealt better w/ men than women for some reason, so we'll see. I'm definitely open to trying anything that's going to be helpful to my recovery.
I wish you luck in finding the right one for you.
My home group is relatively small, and mostly men, but the women there are awesome. ( myself included, lol) But I need to find a womens group, I know there are some fairly near me, I just need to go. I may like it, I may hate it.. I've always dealt better w/ men than women for some reason, so we'll see. I'm definitely open to trying anything that's going to be helpful to my recovery.
I wish you luck in finding the right one for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I was in a meeting when i firt got sober this time, and a woman with over 20 years got totally offended by something the facility we meet at had done....she was "offended"... said she would have to consider not going to this groups meetings anymore. now that woman is a real friend of mine for the last 20 years...but I really chuckled on the inside....
Part of what I have learned in alchoholics anonymous is to deal with the fact that I will be upset by something in a meeting on a regular basis...just as I am upset by life on a regular basis....
doesn't matter who is "right" or "wrong" its just part of living in a world of people and relationships that i never really got right...just dove into the booze and isolated..thought that would work...but it didn't.
I'm sorry that you had this expereince, but I hope you will keep going...try other meetings and maybe try that meeting again too.
If i haven't been offended by someone in a meeting...i figure i haven't been going to enough meetings.
Part of what I have learned in alchoholics anonymous is to deal with the fact that I will be upset by something in a meeting on a regular basis...just as I am upset by life on a regular basis....
doesn't matter who is "right" or "wrong" its just part of living in a world of people and relationships that i never really got right...just dove into the booze and isolated..thought that would work...but it didn't.
I'm sorry that you had this expereince, but I hope you will keep going...try other meetings and maybe try that meeting again too.
If i haven't been offended by someone in a meeting...i figure i haven't been going to enough meetings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 63
I will never give up on meetings. I believe even if you sit in the back and just sip your coffee and listen you will truly leave a little bit better...I believe in the healing energy of a meeting. Each meeting I attend I grow a little more as a person. God knows my addiction allowed me to indulge in emotional immaturity, now I have to face reality.
Sometimes I have problems when I meet other females at first...but once someone gets to know me I develop a kind of sisterly bond..something I long for...but I have been so hurt in the past when I was actively using...
We all know those people we drank and drugged with are not and were not friends. I have trust issues I guess.
Sometimes I have problems when I meet other females at first...but once someone gets to know me I develop a kind of sisterly bond..something I long for...but I have been so hurt in the past when I was actively using...
We all know those people we drank and drugged with are not and were not friends. I have trust issues I guess.
Helping Others, Helps Me
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
When I go to meetings I always have that faint anxiety, but it is the same feeling I used to get before I would give a speech in front of a group of people, kind of a rush when you actually start. Good luck with finding a meeting that works, don't let someone else affect your sobriety, its pretty precious stuff!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I moved my answer over from the duplicate post where you removed the question.
I'm so sorry you went through that. A couple thoughts came to mind while reading your post. One, not everyone in a meeting is there for recovery. Sad, but true. Also, I have heard in the rooms that people stop maturing at whatever age they start using which means that it CAN at times feel like your in school with some of the same dynamics that went along with it. Our group has the same things. You just have to overlook it and focus on why YOU are there. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Also, what you said is so true. There are people who come in there who are so desperate for help and hope and they certainly do not need to be treated badly. What they need is someone to make them feel welcome. Good news! You can be that someone. Let the "children" have their games while the "grown ups" focus on saving lives.
Hope you feel better. It is never fun to be excluded or made to feel like an outcast. I think too many of us have had that experience in our lives prior to sobriety. I'm glad you made it through and that you shared!
Hugs,
Kellye
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I'm so sorry you went through that. A couple thoughts came to mind while reading your post. One, not everyone in a meeting is there for recovery. Sad, but true. Also, I have heard in the rooms that people stop maturing at whatever age they start using which means that it CAN at times feel like your in school with some of the same dynamics that went along with it. Our group has the same things. You just have to overlook it and focus on why YOU are there. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Also, what you said is so true. There are people who come in there who are so desperate for help and hope and they certainly do not need to be treated badly. What they need is someone to make them feel welcome. Good news! You can be that someone. Let the "children" have their games while the "grown ups" focus on saving lives.
Hope you feel better. It is never fun to be excluded or made to feel like an outcast. I think too many of us have had that experience in our lives prior to sobriety. I'm glad you made it through and that you shared!
Hugs,
Kellye
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