Update on me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Update on me
I had a week of vacation, Thur. last week through Wed. this week. Alot has happened, I still have a long way to go though.
Thursday nite I drove w/fellow Nar-Anon members to attempt to recover one of my two cars from AS. Car was not in the parking lot of apt. he was staying at. After discussing options w/my group members, I decided to go knock on the door of the apt. My AS was there and said a friend had the car. I made arrangements to meet him Friday at a grocery store stating I needed the car back at that time.
AS did not show on Friday. One of my group members was there and I had a police officer standing by to "keep the peace." (I really thought he would show w/money to pay the title loan owing and beg me to keep the car another 30 days til next payment was due.)
I went home and called the police to report my 2nd car stolen from my apt. parking lot by my son. A man had called woman AS was staying with to ask about getting the title to 2nd car as he claims to have bought it. I was able to give police that man's name & phone number. Police talked to him, explained situation and he delivered car to police. (Car is in my name and I have a loan on it, so couldn't sell it without paying off loan.)
Saturday I learned my AS sold 1st car as well (the one w/the temporary title loan.) A different guy was calling woman AS was staying with looking for that title. I turned that over to police, they talked w/him and he delivered car to police. I have surrendered both cars - one to title loan company on Monday and other one to regular bank today.
Saturday my AS was arrested on unrelated outstanding warrant (Financial Card Fraud) he had inital hearing Monday morning and was released. Has a court date at the end of January. AS did not attempt to contact me at all to bail him out. I did pick up phone call from him today (I know, I know . . . I shouldn't have . . .) I gave him a new toothbrush that I had in my desk drawer and a $10 bus pass (I know I shouldn't even have done that.) You're all thinking how stupid is this woman?!?! After telling of car issues and then I even think of taking his call and then giving him a bus pass. I pray he'll use it to get to the Gospel Mission or MN Teen Challenge or wherever to get help & a place to stay. If not, I'm no longer responsible. I've given all the help I can and don't want to give any more. He has to help himself to have any sort of relationship with me. I am repeating "Thy Will Be Done" because I can't control it, I can only control me from here on out.
My goals are:
Take it easy and thanks for listening!
Joan
Thursday nite I drove w/fellow Nar-Anon members to attempt to recover one of my two cars from AS. Car was not in the parking lot of apt. he was staying at. After discussing options w/my group members, I decided to go knock on the door of the apt. My AS was there and said a friend had the car. I made arrangements to meet him Friday at a grocery store stating I needed the car back at that time.
AS did not show on Friday. One of my group members was there and I had a police officer standing by to "keep the peace." (I really thought he would show w/money to pay the title loan owing and beg me to keep the car another 30 days til next payment was due.)
I went home and called the police to report my 2nd car stolen from my apt. parking lot by my son. A man had called woman AS was staying with to ask about getting the title to 2nd car as he claims to have bought it. I was able to give police that man's name & phone number. Police talked to him, explained situation and he delivered car to police. (Car is in my name and I have a loan on it, so couldn't sell it without paying off loan.)
Saturday I learned my AS sold 1st car as well (the one w/the temporary title loan.) A different guy was calling woman AS was staying with looking for that title. I turned that over to police, they talked w/him and he delivered car to police. I have surrendered both cars - one to title loan company on Monday and other one to regular bank today.
Saturday my AS was arrested on unrelated outstanding warrant (Financial Card Fraud) he had inital hearing Monday morning and was released. Has a court date at the end of January. AS did not attempt to contact me at all to bail him out. I did pick up phone call from him today (I know, I know . . . I shouldn't have . . .) I gave him a new toothbrush that I had in my desk drawer and a $10 bus pass (I know I shouldn't even have done that.) You're all thinking how stupid is this woman?!?! After telling of car issues and then I even think of taking his call and then giving him a bus pass. I pray he'll use it to get to the Gospel Mission or MN Teen Challenge or wherever to get help & a place to stay. If not, I'm no longer responsible. I've given all the help I can and don't want to give any more. He has to help himself to have any sort of relationship with me. I am repeating "Thy Will Be Done" because I can't control it, I can only control me from here on out.
My goals are:
- Give AS NO money
- Get a hard nosed Sponsor
- Pay off Pay Day loans
- Buy pants that fit
- Get a hard nosed therapist
Take it easy and thanks for listening!
Joan
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Buy pants that fit
Get the pants first...do something NICE for yourself...maybe even buy a new sweater or something...you've been thru hell this past week.
I'm sorry about everything your AS has put you through. The fact that you've managed to maintain your sense of humor says alot about you. Your on the right track..sometimes we just gotta get kicked really hard to get us there (Ive got my share of bruises, ya know).
Sending prayers for you and your AS. I hope you have a very peaceful holiday this year in nice fitting pants and a new sweater too !!
Hugs...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Joan)))
Personally, I think you've made HUGE progress! Heck, I'm grinning ear to ear that you got the cars back from him, didn't bail him out of jail, and only got him a bus pass.
Give yourself a big pat on the back, sweetie. Then go get you an outfit that fits
I, too, am glad your sense of humor has held up through all of this.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Personally, I think you've made HUGE progress! Heck, I'm grinning ear to ear that you got the cars back from him, didn't bail him out of jail, and only got him a bus pass.
Give yourself a big pat on the back, sweetie. Then go get you an outfit that fits
I, too, am glad your sense of humor has held up through all of this.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
You have come a long way. Sounds like you have a good plan. One thing to remember is not to beat yourself up if you backslide a bit because we all do that. As long as you keep moving forward, that is what counts. One thing that I found helped me was to not make any rash decisions. Sometimes waiting a bit will help clear things up and help you to make a more informed decision. Your AS will probably be calling and trying to manipulate. The phrase, "Let me think about that and I will get back to you." can really save your butt Hugs, Marle
Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I am in awe of your strength. You had your prioritites straight and are not sweating the small stuff.
Now go out and find a nice pair of slacks that fit you well and toss in a sweater, too. You deserve it.
Now go out and find a nice pair of slacks that fit you well and toss in a sweater, too. You deserve it.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Whew Who!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Way to go Joan!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I think under the circumstances, giving him the bus pass was alright. After what you have done the last few days, WOW, you go girl!!!!!!!!
Absolutely, #1 on that list is "buy pants that fit."
You are doing real good, and I know you won't give him any money and won't take his call. Just think with the vehicles turned in, he no longer can put you in jeopardy, thank you HP.
You will find that sponsor...............................in the meantime, ......................... you just made my heart really really smile. I knew you had it in you, and I just knew you would get fed up enough to stand up for YOU.
WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!
I'll give you a call over the weekend.
Love and hugs,
Way to go Joan!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I think under the circumstances, giving him the bus pass was alright. After what you have done the last few days, WOW, you go girl!!!!!!!!
Absolutely, #1 on that list is "buy pants that fit."
You are doing real good, and I know you won't give him any money and won't take his call. Just think with the vehicles turned in, he no longer can put you in jeopardy, thank you HP.
You will find that sponsor...............................in the meantime, ......................... you just made my heart really really smile. I knew you had it in you, and I just knew you would get fed up enough to stand up for YOU.
WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!
I'll give you a call over the weekend.
Love and hugs,
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
oh wow !!
When they are sliding down, It never ceases to amaze how they will treat others, including
their own parent. This is what addiction does. Usually they don't see their side, but rather will hold resentment about how they've been treated and that just fuels addiction.
At least you've stepped out of the way. Maybe soon he'll see how unmanageable
his life has become.
We see the addiction and we know our son is in there somewhere. That is why we
still do nice things like toothbrush and bus pass.
Good luck finding those perfect pants that make your butt look just right.
When they are sliding down, It never ceases to amaze how they will treat others, including
their own parent. This is what addiction does. Usually they don't see their side, but rather will hold resentment about how they've been treated and that just fuels addiction.
At least you've stepped out of the way. Maybe soon he'll see how unmanageable
his life has become.
We see the addiction and we know our son is in there somewhere. That is why we
still do nice things like toothbrush and bus pass.
Good luck finding those perfect pants that make your butt look just right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
It really just never stops, does it? You done good, and so did the cops IMO. so did the poor people he sold the cars too. Everybody did good except the addict. he just did what addicts do. I' soooo with you in terms of being 'done'. Done, done, done!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I agree a pair of pants that fits perfectly can miraculous change your outlook - so that should move up to number 1
Dont beat yourself up over those little things you did for him. Doesnt sound like anything so big it would add to his problems. especially the toothbrush - as a mom I guess they never get old enough that we dont want them to brush their teeth (if you're like me we have a lot of money invested in those teeth.) I dont think you did anything wrong and i look forward to reading more posts from you becuase you're where i need to be with my AS.
Dont beat yourself up over those little things you did for him. Doesnt sound like anything so big it would add to his problems. especially the toothbrush - as a mom I guess they never get old enough that we dont want them to brush their teeth (if you're like me we have a lot of money invested in those teeth.) I dont think you did anything wrong and i look forward to reading more posts from you becuase you're where i need to be with my AS.
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