new here but do I really want it bad enough?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8
new here but do I really want it bad enough?
Hi everyone,
I've been reading posts on here for quite some time, but finally decided to join today. Ok, so I have a question. What if you know you need to stop drinking, you realize it's a problem, but you're not quite at the point of wanting it enough to stop?? That's where I'm at right now. I know I'm an alcoholic. No one is really hurt by it except me. I usually just drink at home. My husband's job has moved us 1000's of miles away from both of our families, so no one knows the extent of my drinking. We have no children, & my husband travels a lot for his job. Right now he's been away from home for a couple weeks & won't be home for a few more days. We both drink, but he has no idea how much I drink when he's not around. I've read it many times on here before that you have to want to stop more than you want to continue drinking, but I don't think I'm there yet. I don't want to be judged on this website. I just need people to talk to to help get me to that point. I want to be honest that I'm still drinking. I guess I just want to know, how do you get to the point where you REALLY want to stop??? I really just want to be able to talk to people & post until I get to that point, so please don't judge me that I haven't stopped yet. Thanks for listening.
I've been reading posts on here for quite some time, but finally decided to join today. Ok, so I have a question. What if you know you need to stop drinking, you realize it's a problem, but you're not quite at the point of wanting it enough to stop?? That's where I'm at right now. I know I'm an alcoholic. No one is really hurt by it except me. I usually just drink at home. My husband's job has moved us 1000's of miles away from both of our families, so no one knows the extent of my drinking. We have no children, & my husband travels a lot for his job. Right now he's been away from home for a couple weeks & won't be home for a few more days. We both drink, but he has no idea how much I drink when he's not around. I've read it many times on here before that you have to want to stop more than you want to continue drinking, but I don't think I'm there yet. I don't want to be judged on this website. I just need people to talk to to help get me to that point. I want to be honest that I'm still drinking. I guess I just want to know, how do you get to the point where you REALLY want to stop??? I really just want to be able to talk to people & post until I get to that point, so please don't judge me that I haven't stopped yet. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Sunnyday (like your name) and by the sounds of it you do want to stop drinking. You've been lurking around here and have decided to join a forum for alcoholics. I would say you want to, but maybe are unsure of how to live without the alcohol. Its understandable and many of us felt like that. We decided to not drink for the next 24 hours and there was no exception to that rule. Give it try and just see what happens. Its 24 hours after all.
There are many people here who have no one outside of themselves to stop for and ultimately, that's the only one you can stop for. If you stop for your mate or the rest of your family you will find a reason to start again. You have to surrender to the fact that you are out of control and your life is when you continue to drink or at least, I mean I had to surrender to that fact. Its different for people. My son is the reason I started sobriety, but in the end he can't hold me to it. I am doing it for myself.
Good luck and you have come to a great place to learn how to live without the alcohol in your life. Many have succeeded here and you can to.
There are many people here who have no one outside of themselves to stop for and ultimately, that's the only one you can stop for. If you stop for your mate or the rest of your family you will find a reason to start again. You have to surrender to the fact that you are out of control and your life is when you continue to drink or at least, I mean I had to surrender to that fact. Its different for people. My son is the reason I started sobriety, but in the end he can't hold me to it. I am doing it for myself.
Good luck and you have come to a great place to learn how to live without the alcohol in your life. Many have succeeded here and you can to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8
Thank you Horselover. You're right. I don't know how to live without alcohol. It's become such a part of my life, & it's scary to think about a life without it. I commend all of you for even having a couple weeks sober. I know how tough it can be, but I also know how rewarding. A year ago, I had a little sober time & I felt amazing. It's just this viscious cycle that just pulls you in, & it's so hard to escape from it. Thank you for letting me vent & post what I'm feeling.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
You are welcome Sunnyday and I am sure more will by to post on this. We have ALL been there. When you drink every day it is, of course, hard to imagine life without it. I totally understand that and was there 7 months ago. I am 42 years old and I drank for 20 plus years. Believe me I get when you're coming from.
I will just tell you what I did, but of course you may find someone else's approach better suited for you. I drank every day starting around 4 pm until I went to bed. In order to stop I did the 24 hour method and I mean I said to myself, "I will try this thing for 24 hours and see how I feel." I also had to change my routine so I wouldn't be near the kitchen at that time for awhile after I stopped. I walked, I played outside with my son and my dogs, I would go to the store or library, and I was on SR often. I kept lots of juice and clear soda in my fridge (still do) and would mix that for a refreshing drink.
Basically I changed everything on the exterior until the interior followed suit. I KNOW you can do it when you're ready. Again, glad you decided to post.
I will just tell you what I did, but of course you may find someone else's approach better suited for you. I drank every day starting around 4 pm until I went to bed. In order to stop I did the 24 hour method and I mean I said to myself, "I will try this thing for 24 hours and see how I feel." I also had to change my routine so I wouldn't be near the kitchen at that time for awhile after I stopped. I walked, I played outside with my son and my dogs, I would go to the store or library, and I was on SR often. I kept lots of juice and clear soda in my fridge (still do) and would mix that for a refreshing drink.
Basically I changed everything on the exterior until the interior followed suit. I KNOW you can do it when you're ready. Again, glad you decided to post.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
One year ago I knew I had a bad enough problem with alcohol to want to stop. Just knowing I 'should' stop drinking wasn't enough to keep me sober for very long - I agree that you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink, but it took me a while to actually get to that point. Until I did I just kept relapsing.
Another thing that led me to want to quit drinking was fear: fear of driving drunk and hurting or killing someone, losing my license, legal trouble, not to mention losing my self respect and the respect of my kids. I was so afraid of what might happen at any time and the only way to ensure these things didn't happen was to stop drinking completely. It wasn't easy, but it was very much worth the effort.
Try going a day at a time without drinking and see how you feel about it. Just for one day.
Welcome to a great place for support and experience and hope.
:ghug3
Another thing that led me to want to quit drinking was fear: fear of driving drunk and hurting or killing someone, losing my license, legal trouble, not to mention losing my self respect and the respect of my kids. I was so afraid of what might happen at any time and the only way to ensure these things didn't happen was to stop drinking completely. It wasn't easy, but it was very much worth the effort.
Try going a day at a time without drinking and see how you feel about it. Just for one day.
Welcome to a great place for support and experience and hope.
:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8
Thank you both for your replies. It seems you know exactly where I'm coming from. I will try the 24 hour method, & I will try to change my routine. Actually my husband & I are moving again next week to Florida. I am hoping that a change of scenery will help me be able to change my routine also & sort of give me a fresh start. I know it's not that simple, but I'm hoping it will help me get out of old routines & into a new one. I want to be healthy & just to be back to the person that I was years ago. I know I can do it, but I'm just dealing with the typical stuff everyone is. Stress about moving, money, family issues, job issues... blah, blah, blah... I guess it's all the same right?? We all look for a reason to drink when things aren't going right. I guess I need to start looking for reasons to stay sober. Sorry for the rambling & thanks again for your replies.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
There are multiple threads here started over the years (some recent) discussing the reasons alcoholics drink. I'm bored, I'm sad, I have social anxiety, I'm angry, I'm....fill in the blank.
Most alcoholics I know who've sought recovery come to realize that they were filling a void. I sponsor a young woman who had some consequences from her drinking, but not what most would consider severe enough to call a "bottom." She realized she had not fulfilled any of the goals she had for herself when she was in college (her "five year plan"). She didn't have any sense of purpose. So, she drank--then realized she couldn't stop drinking, not on her own, anyway.
I'd ask you: what are you doing with your life? what do you wish you were doing with your life? could you better be able to do those things if you didn't drink?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Most alcoholics I know who've sought recovery come to realize that they were filling a void. I sponsor a young woman who had some consequences from her drinking, but not what most would consider severe enough to call a "bottom." She realized she had not fulfilled any of the goals she had for herself when she was in college (her "five year plan"). She didn't have any sense of purpose. So, she drank--then realized she couldn't stop drinking, not on her own, anyway.
I'd ask you: what are you doing with your life? what do you wish you were doing with your life? could you better be able to do those things if you didn't drink?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8
Thank you Sugah. Basically I'm not doing anything with my life right now, except for drowning in my own pity. There are a million things I would like to do with my life. I blame my husband because his job keeps moving us around, so I use it as an excuse for not being able to do anything for myself. The truth is that my drinking has held me back from a lot of things. I think if I quit drinking, I could achieve a whole lot of goals. I have a college degree which I'm not using, but I want to so badly. I know my drinking is holding me back. I guess it just feels good to admit it out loud. Thanks for the kick in the a**. I need more of that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ireland
Posts: 10
You are in the right place yes. I am not long here but reading the posts really helps. I drank until it nearly killed me. That is always the eventual result if you think about it. I knew I had a problem for years but thought that accepting it would make me feel like a cripple or diseased in some way since society does tend to stigmatize alcoholics, some elements of society anyway. It is scary in the beginning. I say forget the future and live more in the moment. Sobriety is quite a surprise after the first 2 weeks without or so, you see things already in a new light.
The important thing being is to take care of yourself.
J
The important thing being is to take care of yourself.
J
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by sunnyday3 
I guess I just want to know, how do you get to the point where you REALLY want to stop???
I've relaspsed so many times since that revelation. The more time that passes, the more confused I feel.
I'll be honest--I want to drink. I also want to get better. I know the only way I can get better is to stay sober.
Being sober is not fun for me....but I'm not sure I ever gave it enough of a chance. I'm not a very patient person. The longest I've made it sober was 69 days.
I'm tired of being this way. I'm a prisoner in my own mind.
I'm trying sobriety again, especially after my heart farted up over the weekend. I don't want to do this, but I have to. I can only hope that I grow into this.
I'm feeling a bit like a failure, now.
I’m not giving up. I may not be happy, but being sober is the right thing to do. I hope that my feelings will change and that I’ll move beyond all of this.
sunnyday, stick around for a good while. Read and post a lot. SR is a wonderful place to receive support. Many times I have found the strength to go on from the people here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I "wanted" to stop for a while before I actually did. Problem was I had developed such a bad physical addiction to alcohol that I couldn't go more than about 3 hours without a drink or I would go into horrible withdrawals (shaking, panic attacks, vomiting, lower intestinal distress, stomach cramps) It got so bad that I had to keep alcohol either in my purse or in my vehicle or hidden in my room. I did this while trying to hold down a full time job. I had two teenagers that I had hurt horribly watching their mother self destruct before their eyes and putting their needs and welfare on a backburner and alcohol on the front burner. I drove them to school still drunk from the night before, I lived in such a manner that we never knew if we would have utilities on or an eviction notice on the door in the evenings. They would ask me for things like shoes or clothes and there was never any money yet I would write a hot check in a heartbeat for liquor. I hated myself and the person I had become and I wanted to stop but I was terrified of the withdrawals. I lived for the evenings when I could drink a pint and pass out and the weekends when I could finish off a gallon and stay in a blackout. I stayed isolated. I didn't go out and drink in public. I drank to forget my life and became very adept at it but at the expense of my family and my health. At the very end my liver hurt constantly and my kidneys were starting to fail. I was bloated constantly and had a very bad color to my skin and the smell of alcohol came out in my sweat.
Now I was 39 when I got sober and you would probably think that a woman my age in the truly bad shape I was in had been drinking heavy for a very long time wouldn't you? Well, in my case you would be very wrong. My drinking career took me from someone who very rarely had a drink and who had not gotten drunk since her 22nd birthday to the woman I described above in 3.5 years. Yes, you read it right. Three and a half years start to finish.
My suggestion to you since you seem to have a desire to quit is to do some reading on alcoholism and the damage it can do to your body LONG BEFORE it affects your liver. You said in your original post that you really weren't hurting anybody but I bet your body would beg to differ. And if you were to suffer bad physical consequences of the drinking I bet that would hurt you husband and your families even though you are far away. Find any motivation there?
There are some good books called "Under The Influence" and "Beyond The Influence" that I would suggest reading that deal with alcohol's effect on us and on our bodies.
While you make your decision I hope you will continue to post here. You most definitely are welcome here at SR. I wish you well in your decision!
Hugs,
Kellye
Now I was 39 when I got sober and you would probably think that a woman my age in the truly bad shape I was in had been drinking heavy for a very long time wouldn't you? Well, in my case you would be very wrong. My drinking career took me from someone who very rarely had a drink and who had not gotten drunk since her 22nd birthday to the woman I described above in 3.5 years. Yes, you read it right. Three and a half years start to finish.
My suggestion to you since you seem to have a desire to quit is to do some reading on alcoholism and the damage it can do to your body LONG BEFORE it affects your liver. You said in your original post that you really weren't hurting anybody but I bet your body would beg to differ. And if you were to suffer bad physical consequences of the drinking I bet that would hurt you husband and your families even though you are far away. Find any motivation there?
There are some good books called "Under The Influence" and "Beyond The Influence" that I would suggest reading that deal with alcohol's effect on us and on our bodies.
While you make your decision I hope you will continue to post here. You most definitely are welcome here at SR. I wish you well in your decision!
Hugs,
Kellye
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR...
I see this upcoming move as a blessings
a fresh start...new surroundings...people to meet
a new healthy sober life for you to explore.
Please try to get there sober ...leave behind
the lonely...sad....drinking persona.
When I moved to Pensacola...I quickly found an
AA club with many meetings. Got a lead on a job
met new sober friends...and went back to college.
It certainly was a win win situation.
Blessings to you and your husband...
I see this upcoming move as a blessings
a fresh start...new surroundings...people to meet
a new healthy sober life for you to explore.
Please try to get there sober ...leave behind
the lonely...sad....drinking persona.
When I moved to Pensacola...I quickly found an
AA club with many meetings. Got a lead on a job
met new sober friends...and went back to college.
It certainly was a win win situation.
Blessings to you and your husband...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8
Thank you to everyone for being so open & honest with your stories. It really means a lot to me. I know I have a long road ahead of me, so I appreciate all of the support. I need all the encouragement I can get. I have a lot of good advice to take in though. Thank you again. Hugs to everyone who responded. I'll try to stick around for a while.
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