cmhcali

to drink... I have been sitting here for a half hour having a mental fight on how I should be allowed to drink and I really want to drive to the bar and drink. I am fighting it. But the truth is I want to drink and hate that I will not. I would be happy if I had one big drink I am scared.

Mark75

Hi

You are also allowed NOT to drink. You have free will. Use it to not drink today. Forget about tomorrow. Get some sleep. Hang in there, I'm pullin' for ya !

Oh, and be afraid of alcohol, it's OK.

Mark

AW2486

What will be the end result if you take that drink?

Horselover

OMG CMH - You are speaking my language. We want it, but we know there's no good to come from it. Listen to everyone else and I will benefit from your thread as well. We must be on the same cycle here. Fight it minute by minute if you have to. That's what I have been doing for the past week. I'm tired, but I'm still fighting the *******. Join me!

Dee74

cmh - judging by your posts, you've been - if not unhappy, a little discontent - for a while now...

I don't think you want to drink - I think you want to feel happy, or feel good.

Thats a perfectly understandable desire - but drinking won't get you there - if you're like me, and I know a little of your story - drinking stopped making you happy a long time ago.

Find out what you want to be - happy, content, not afraid, whatever - and then find other better, non harmful ways to get there C.

There's no answers in drinking.

D

cmhcali

This is the first time since I have been sober that I can taste it. I am not going to do it tonight. I am going to go to bed. I feel like I am loosing my mind.

Steam - thanks for your support and I read your other post so complicated. Isnt that what life is complication.

Horsey - I am here with you please fight the fight with me because I am just looking for one excuse "to have fun". I am so sad lately...

The end result if I take that drink is I will get drunk. I will not feel at that moment and I will be free until the next morning when the consequences set in.

cmhcali

Dee you hit it exactly. And I know as bad as this sounds I was happy when I drank. But my life was out of control and I would have lost more than the happiness gave me.

TryingSoHard

cmh... *hugs*

I feel it, too. It's been on my mind a lot lately. From the sounds of your post, my thoughts and feelings have been very similar to yours. I'd like to join you and Horsey in the fight, if I may.

I hope you sleep peacefully tonight.

cmhcali

I would like you to join in. I will check in tomorrow. I need to stay close to here or I will loose.

LouLou629

Today I wanted to drink too...I know better though...I dont have much to say but dont drink.....If i was never allowed to ear another candy bar again I would probably be dying for one right now even though I rarely eat them..sometimes I think its that forbidden fruit thing goin on..I almost bought a pack of cigarettes the other day- haent smoked in years..I am bored...I need my little fix like everyone else, but I know better than to really drink. As bored and un happy as I am now- I still know that the day afetr a " fun" night drinking...wait ket me re phrase that.. I know that the days, weeks and months after a " fun" night drinking would be way way worse than how I feel at my worst soer...Hang in there

coffeenut

Hang tough, cmh. Hang tough.

I thank you for your thread and will reread every word of it. I'll hit 6 months Saturday. The next day we're going on an extended family (read drinking) vacation.

Please let us know how you are feeling.

Hope

I know how you feel.

Hang in there and don't drink. It won't make anything better. It will take you immediately back to where you left off.

You won't be able to stop once you start. Don't let it mess with your head. One of the things about sobriety success is that it sometimes begins to mess with your head and tries to get you to think that you can handle it again. It's all lies!

Hang in there.... you can emerge from this strong!

jh1

wow-great posts-lots of thoughtful people in here. Good job getting as far as you have, thats a great accomplishment and I hope to get there someday. I guess if I was in your shoes I might think about how I would feel the next day-not the hangover-but the depression, pitiful,self-hating feeling you'll get if you just throw out all the hard, tough, courageous time you've spent getting there out the window. Don't make it all for nothing just because of some boredom which you probably have beaten many times before. GL to you and kick the urge in its ass!! You alcohol

CarolD

I wonder if PAWS could be a factor?

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

Glad you are continuing to move forward
Yes! you can!

FizzyWater

Hardly a day goes past I don't think about either drinking or more not drinking CM.

Guess thats why I spend time on here though eh !!!!!!!!!

I'm learning to live with the fact that this journey isn't an overnight thing, not like the flu or something when you know that you'll be better in a week or so.

I thought that I'd do 6 months and everything would be fine, its not, won't be better if I drink again though, I believe it does get easier with time but its still a fight that has to be fought on a daily basis.

I'm on here virtually every day reminding myself what I need to do.

least

I've been craving alcohol too much also in the last week or so. Not so much "a drink" as wanting to get drunk. I know I must resist, I know I don't really want to throw away my sober time, but I too am having problems with my feelings.

I'll join you in the fight, ok? Stick close to us, we're all cheering you on to stay sober.

:ghug

Taking5

cmh-

Are you going to AA meetings? For me, I found that the craving of a drink, the "fighting" as you put it, went away when I was working a good program.

Let us know how you are doing.

nolawench

CMH... I'm with ya! It's hard, it can suck, but you know you can get past it. I hope when you wake up this morning, you'll be proud of yourself and ready to start a bright and shiny ( or at least tolerable, LOL) new day.

Late yesterday I REALLY wanted a drink ( it's in the house so I easily could have) I was pissed, REALLY pissed. My husbands truck is at the truck hospital, and then we went to leave the restaurant and my car started doing the same damn thing. We " think" someone may have sugared the gas tanks. While our establishment is loved by the majority of the neighborhood, the degenerates of the neighborhood do not take too fondly of the times when we kick them off the bistro tables out front, ask them to leave the place when they are visibly drunk and/or high and obnoxious, etc.... they know what we drive, so it's not a stretch to have something like this happen. So anyway...

I wanted a drink, cause I was mad, and just wanted that feeling to go away. But I wanted to be sober much, much more.

I'm so glad you posted, and kept reading and posting during this period.

We're here to fight the fight with ya.

cmhcali

Thanks everyone for helping me through this. I did not drink yesterday and I am proud of that even though the craving is still there. It is less but still there. I do go to AA Meetings and have a great sponsor. I am writing my 4th step and will be doing so for a while. But I am doing the work and it is not getting easier so I think that is why I am getting discouraged... I just feel lonely and depressed and yes I want the feelings to go away, but I know after I drink I am a big ball of depression as well except I cry and feel sick.

I also have really low self esteem, at bars guys would hit on me and now noone does. I feel like I will be alone forever, and it is so sad....

Feels like it is a no win situation at the moment! BUt I have 183 days.

Horselover

You are such a pretty girl CM. The guys don't know what they're missing. You need to find something to do that sparks your interest. Do you have any hobbies? Book club, gardening, skiing, hiking? You could join a club in one of these areas and meet someone with common interests. We've all done the bar scenes and we know how deep those relationships were. You can do better. You deserve better.

I am sticking close to SR for the next few weeks. It literally saved my butt last night and I believe it will keep me on the straight and narrow until these ridiculous thoughts go away again. Do it with me girl and think about finding a club.