Mark75

Last friday while straightening up a shelf on a bookcase I came across a bottle of Ambien that I, apparently, had hidden there before my "intervention" and rehab last September. When I first came home from the treatment center I went on some search and destroy missions, all came up with nothing.

I was not ready for this though. I came home 5 weeks ago and my guard for this scenario was diminished, I hadn't slept well the night before, there were so many of them and nobody was around. I had developed a pretty strong addiction to Ambien after I had finally detoxed myself from benzos and stopped the stimulants last spring/summer.

My first reaction was "Thank God, I didn't think I could have POSSIBLY taken all those tablets..." I knew I had to get rid of them, but... Just for a second, I thought, well, nobody has to know, maybe I'll just tuck them safely back into their hiding spot... maybe I'll need them some day...

I flushed them down the toilet, told my wife, and was really shook up. Pretty much screwed up the rest of the day for me... So close to the insanity. I really believe, especially now, that my disease is trying to kill me.

Whew, close call... still 92 days C&S, thank God

Mark

cmhcali

Excellent work! That must have been hard but you did it!

Horselover

Hey Cubile congratulations and btw I liked your title for this thread "I have a new respect for my disease." I guess that's what you call it - r.e.s.p.e.c.t. A half hour ago I wouldn't have called it that, but because of reading further on SR I have to agree. Its definitely a disease that puts on guard at times. Thanks for posting.

Latte

Oh I so understand.

I had a few members of NA come through my house before I went to rehab. They didn't tell me if they found anything or not but it made me feel better to know they did it.

coffeenut

Cubile. A big congrats on your 92 days, AND flushing the Ambien.

Isn't it almost surreal how we used to think? Or not think, as the case may be? I was getting a sweater out of my closet about a week ago and found 4 cans of beer! Now, what sane person has 4 cans of beer stashed in their closet?!

Again, congrats, and thanks for the 'reminder'!

Missybuns

good job! and telling us is also very important. Have you told anyone else face to face?

mac911

Great story with a perfect ending.

Sounds like a "Why Now" choice moment that you passed with flying colors.

Congrats.....mac911

Mark75

Thanx for all the support. I knew I wanted to share it here and I'm glad I did.

Yes, I told others. I told my wife, people at my small support group and some people I work with. I am blessed to have many people around me who know about my recovery and are supportive. I almost waited for a witness to watch me flush them, but I wanted them out of my hands NOW!!!!

I really feel better with this "rigorous honesty" thing. Sort of like confession.

Yea, coffeenut, I know about the bottles in the sweater drawers... the insanity...