Horselover

My in laws visit was very stressful. I'm not the kind of parent they would like their grandson to have. I don't discipline correctly. I let my son sleep with us while they're here. I give my son too much attention.

The only way I have been able to get through these visits in the past is by joining in with them in the evening and having a very tall, full glass of wine and then sneaking a bit more when they weren't looking. The bottle of wine was there for 7 days and it was screaming my name and I was listening this time.

My son was sick today and I mean VERY sick! I had the in laws that decided they wouldn't leave today, but stay until tomorrow. They later changed their minds and did leave after all. I wanted to hide that bottle of wine that they had not finished in hopes they would forget about it and leave it. I mean I really wanted it and still want some.

I am so contemplating a drink, but I won't tonight. I REALLY want to test the stupid water and I know I shouldn't. I am very frustrated with pretty much this whole, stupid mess and the holidays.

Also, inlaws, sick son, and monthly visit all at the same frickin time!!! Had to post for myself as much as anything else. Sorry people.

I cannot believe how weak I feel and I am sick and tired of even wasting my thought process on this stuff. I mean it! Sick of it!!!

CarolD

Ok...it was a horrid day and yet you once again won over alcohol.

Yes you did and Yes you can continue to improve.

hope you son feels better soon.

Horselover

Thanks Carol and I know I should feel stronger because I did win, but the point is I don't. I feel like its only a matter of time and that's the first time I have felt that way since I stopped.

Mark75

Don't drink, just for today. Say that to yourself now and again tomorrow and again...

You will feel stronger in the morning. Don't be defeatist with "it's only a matter of time". You can get through tonight !

Mark

Latte

You got through it without drinking. What a huge deal! Give yourself big pats on the back. I would take a nice long trip to the gym and then enjoy a good cup of coffee or a nice piece of my gormet dark chocolate.

It's time to do a big dance..you.made.it!

Sugah

I have a friend with whom I discuss that list of things we now know we can get through sober. Something comes up, and we tell each other, "There's one more for the list."

Accidents, sickness and disease, deaths of ones we love... the list is getting pretty long.

So is yours. You did it.

As a side note, I refuse to be criticized in my own home unless that criticism is delivered with love. Have you considered asking your husband to set ground rules for your in-law's visits?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Anna

Oh Horselover,

You're not weak. You're doing great!

And, the thoughts of wanting to drink will lessen. I can remember eyeing a bottle of wine, just the way you did. You did great getting through that tough situation. Now, hopefully your son will feel better, and you can relax.

Horselover

You know what - you are all right. I am being honest though and I mostly know these feelings will pass, but I truly needed to use SR for all its worth tonight. I usually pm people, but I didn't even feel like doing that. Its as though I want to be talked out of this and I don't. Crazy, but that's how my head is working.

If I can Latte, I will get on my tread mill tomorrow. Son will definitely be home tomorrow. His school is set to be opened 2 hours later as it is because of a snow storm and husband is on the road and has been for over 1 1/2 hours due to the storm. Thanks everyone.

Rowan

I'm glad you didn't drink, Sarah, and I'm proud of you for getting through a difficult time without alcohol. Be as kind to yourself as you are to your sick son.
My daughter is sick too, and she's in bed with me right now - and she's 13! Never mind what anyone else thinks.

Latte

Isn't it nice to be able to post with people who "get it?" I love that! When I'm struggling and about ready to lose my mind I can come here and find something useful. Every time I've come here I've read something that I can use!

Horselover

Amen! Going to crawl into bed with my son. Nite Rowan and thanks to you and everyone else. I'll be back - sober.

TTOSBT

Hi Horsie!
Come on now, today was a HUGE success! You did it!
And you don't want to leave me and Fizzy all alone do you?
I luv ya girl.
Just for today.

HideorSeek

Hey Sarah! Congratulations. You've had a tough day and, when I'm stressed, those thoughts of "just one" start lurking. The problem is now I accept the fact that I'll never stop at JUST one and therein lies my problem. So, I can't start. You go, girl...you should be very, very, proud of yourself!

doorknob

Awesome job, HL! Hope you feel better soon.

Dee74

I'm glad you found your way through this HL

D

Hevyn

I feel so bad that you had those frightening thoughts. I completely understand, because the same basic thing happened to me last holiday season. Too many triggers all around me, but I wasn't strong and determined not to pick up like you were. Be proud of yourself for what you accomplished - that is huge. We know how difficult this season is, with all the sights and sounds. As soon as the first Christmas music began to be played in the stores I started to get tears in my eyes and panicky feelings. This will be my first sober Christmas in many years, and I don't completely trust myself. I appreciate so much you telling us what you went through - it'll make me even more on guard.

We all know grabbing a drink to calm our nerves doesn't really work for us anymore. It always backfires. It can never again work it's old magic. That's not to say this isn't damned hard work.

I am proud of you - well done, Sarah.

Horselover

Thanks again everyone. I so badly needed this tonight. You all have no idea how close I was to thinking I should give it one last try. I really needed the SR wisdom tonight and once again, it didn't disappoint and saved my sober self! Thanks for taking the time to help me. You'll never know the Christmas present you gave me tonight.

TryingSoHard

Big hugs for ya, Horsey.

Jules62

I SO get it, honey-you know I do.I've had the roughest last 4 weeks but I just KNOW it's not worth it to drink.And you know it too-but it's damn hard sometimes.It bites.

I'm so proud of you for posting and for hanging in there.

Oh-and btw-I know for a FACT you're a wonderful mom to Nate.No kid beams a smile like he does if they're not aware of how well they are loved and cared for.You're a great Mom-don't ever doubt that.

Much love,

Julesxox

Latte

For me it only sounds good for about a second and then I remember what a pain it was to get sober and all those icky feelings. Blech, I'll just post here and grace you all with me.