Do any of your AH/W's ever say you love the dog more than me?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
Do any of your AH/W's ever say you love the dog more than me?
BTW, this all happened after I told him one of my favorite residents passed away last night and I'd just found out.
I got told I love my dogs more than him and that's a big part of our problem. I think my jaw dropped, felt like it anyway. I got the speech about how it's HIS chair and the dog shouldn't be there anyway, about how it's a MAN's house and that the dog doesn't even have to live in here...Get the picture, about 10 minutes worth of crap related to me loving the dogs more than him.
The somewhat comical part of it all is the fact that I used to show dogs and at one time had 12. I had a blast showing, traveling, making friends, etc... At that time I was getting the you love the dogs more than me speech a lot more, was a little longer and a little louder. So I quit showing and placed most of my dogs. I now have 2 inside the house and one outside. Quitting was heartwrenching for me as it was something that I truly loved doing, even if it cost more than what it was worth.
So tonight, when I go the same speech I just felt like OMG and was at a total loss for words. Two housedogs, that's it. I even try to keep my 4lb fuzzball away from AH so he doesn't have to deal with him. He hates my 4lbs of fuzzy, to much hair, to hyper, too long to potty train, etc...
I got told I love my dogs more than him and that's a big part of our problem. I think my jaw dropped, felt like it anyway. I got the speech about how it's HIS chair and the dog shouldn't be there anyway, about how it's a MAN's house and that the dog doesn't even have to live in here...Get the picture, about 10 minutes worth of crap related to me loving the dogs more than him.
The somewhat comical part of it all is the fact that I used to show dogs and at one time had 12. I had a blast showing, traveling, making friends, etc... At that time I was getting the you love the dogs more than me speech a lot more, was a little longer and a little louder. So I quit showing and placed most of my dogs. I now have 2 inside the house and one outside. Quitting was heartwrenching for me as it was something that I truly loved doing, even if it cost more than what it was worth.
So tonight, when I go the same speech I just felt like OMG and was at a total loss for words. Two housedogs, that's it. I even try to keep my 4lb fuzzball away from AH so he doesn't have to deal with him. He hates my 4lbs of fuzzy, to much hair, to hyper, too long to potty train, etc...
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Never got that one, haze. My AH loves HIS dog more than anything. Actually, I think his love for booze and the dog are equal ...
Regardless, I'm fortunate that AH is an animal lover - drunk or sober. The advantages of being in a drunken stupor most of the time is that he doesn't care how many animals are running around here. Heck, I could have the San Diego Zoo in my house, and he probably wouldn't even notice the jumbo elephant turds!
Please protect your furkids from him. I know how they can take out their anger on an innocent animal. My exAH kicked one of the cats several times and almost killed my parakeet in a drunken rage.
Regardless, I'm fortunate that AH is an animal lover - drunk or sober. The advantages of being in a drunken stupor most of the time is that he doesn't care how many animals are running around here. Heck, I could have the San Diego Zoo in my house, and he probably wouldn't even notice the jumbo elephant turds!
Please protect your furkids from him. I know how they can take out their anger on an innocent animal. My exAH kicked one of the cats several times and almost killed my parakeet in a drunken rage.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I remember some doozy conversations over stupid stuff akin to "you love the dog more than me." Boy am I glad I no longer have insane conversations with someone who isn't rational.
So how's this working for you?
So how's this working for you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
The dogs would win out over him today. My eldest is almost 6 now, I can't imagine getting rid of that dog. My children are the only thing that would come before the dogs.
It doesn't work well, never has. My oldest dog will take scratches from him, but he kinda lurks/sulks whenever AH is here.
It doesn't work well, never has. My oldest dog will take scratches from him, but he kinda lurks/sulks whenever AH is here.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Well, I've never asked a dog to leave my home....But then they're not alcoholics, they don't lie to me, they don't cheat on me, they don't make comments about my appearance, and they're fully housebroken.
So when the time came for someone to leave, guess who got the boot? And, yes, my ex-boyfriend did say I loved the dogs more than him on occasion.
So when the time came for someone to leave, guess who got the boot? And, yes, my ex-boyfriend did say I loved the dogs more than him on occasion.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
The last year that Xaw and I "lived" together (ya call THAT living, Ha), her drinking was off the chart and I'd sobered up. BTW if any one decides to live with an active alcoholic, I would advise AGAINST sobriety! Damn, that was one LONG year. :wtf2
The cat and I were both scared of her. Any way, I remember every night he would come to bed 20 or so minutes after me and curl up between my legs....aw would still be up drinking/calling people etc. Every night after he settled in, I'd pat his head and say,"you're a good boy, I love you sir". I still do that.
By then I DID love him and no longer loved my wife. I think she knew better that to ask me that.
Thanks and God bless us all, :praying
Coyote
The cat and I were both scared of her. Any way, I remember every night he would come to bed 20 or so minutes after me and curl up between my legs....aw would still be up drinking/calling people etc. Every night after he settled in, I'd pat his head and say,"you're a good boy, I love you sir". I still do that.
By then I DID love him and no longer loved my wife. I think she knew better that to ask me that.
Thanks and God bless us all, :praying
Coyote
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Amen to that, FD. I'd give my AH the boot long before I'd ever consider letting one of my felines go. Animals are truly the innocent victims of this world. They can't tell other people when their masters abuse or hurt them ... instead, they will cower in a corner and nip at people in an attempt to protect themselves from further harm. They give us love in return for food, shelter and playing fetch with them or a them for a long walk in the woods.
Nope. Animals have never betrayed me, lied to me, or manipulated me. I vote for keeping the furbabies and telling the addict to hit the road.
Nope. Animals have never betrayed me, lied to me, or manipulated me. I vote for keeping the furbabies and telling the addict to hit the road.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Someplace USA
Posts: 415
I'm told I love the cats and the kids more and blah blah blah... Of course I say I don't and at one point I didn't; but truthfully I really don't love or even like my AH so after all this time he's finally right! Go figure!!! LOL...
I'm so sorry you gave up showing your little fuzz balls. I'm glad you at least have two to keep you company!
HUGS!!!!
I'm so sorry you gave up showing your little fuzz balls. I'm glad you at least have two to keep you company!
HUGS!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
Here's an interesting take on this:
As I've said elsewhere, I had a very controlled and limited (by me) relationship with my dad from my early 20's on. Also, while I certainly supervised his contact with my kids, I tried, insofar as possible, to let them have their own relationships with him and not to try to smooth things out or cover things up or gloss things over.
When my oldest son (E) was about 3, my kids and I were staying in with my family in Pittsburgh while my hisband was traveling out of the country on business for several weeks. One day, I was sitting in the living room nursing my youngest, and my dad came into the dining room where E was having a snack and playing with the family dog, Mandy. My dad (who was not an active alcoholic at the time, but a severe dry-drunk) started in trying to get E to do something for him that he should have been doing for himself and that E did not want to do. E said "no." My dad began to engage in all kinds of silly, manipulative "guilting-out" behaviors to get E to do what he wanted. E stood his ground. Finally, when it became clear that E was not going to be manipulated, my dad turns around and starts talking to the dog: "Oh, Mandy, you're such a good dog; you're the only one around here who loves and respects this poor old man..." and on-and-on, blah...blah....blah.....
E stands there for a few seconds, watching and listening to this, then he looks back and forth several times from me to his grandfother -- I guess probably to see if I'm going to intervene in any way, which I didn't because he was obviously taking care of himself just fine -- and finally, he says, very decisively, to my dad: "Grampa, you're crazy!" and calmly leaves the room.
From the mouths of Babes!!!!
Non-recovering alcoholics do and say crazy things because non-recovering alcoholics are crazy people. We do not need to entertain their craziness and we most certainly do not need to take it on and move into it with them. When alcoholic craziness comes my way, the best thing for me to do is simply recognize it, call it for what it is, and move on (and out of its way).
freya
As I've said elsewhere, I had a very controlled and limited (by me) relationship with my dad from my early 20's on. Also, while I certainly supervised his contact with my kids, I tried, insofar as possible, to let them have their own relationships with him and not to try to smooth things out or cover things up or gloss things over.
When my oldest son (E) was about 3, my kids and I were staying in with my family in Pittsburgh while my hisband was traveling out of the country on business for several weeks. One day, I was sitting in the living room nursing my youngest, and my dad came into the dining room where E was having a snack and playing with the family dog, Mandy. My dad (who was not an active alcoholic at the time, but a severe dry-drunk) started in trying to get E to do something for him that he should have been doing for himself and that E did not want to do. E said "no." My dad began to engage in all kinds of silly, manipulative "guilting-out" behaviors to get E to do what he wanted. E stood his ground. Finally, when it became clear that E was not going to be manipulated, my dad turns around and starts talking to the dog: "Oh, Mandy, you're such a good dog; you're the only one around here who loves and respects this poor old man..." and on-and-on, blah...blah....blah.....
E stands there for a few seconds, watching and listening to this, then he looks back and forth several times from me to his grandfother -- I guess probably to see if I'm going to intervene in any way, which I didn't because he was obviously taking care of himself just fine -- and finally, he says, very decisively, to my dad: "Grampa, you're crazy!" and calmly leaves the room.
From the mouths of Babes!!!!
Non-recovering alcoholics do and say crazy things because non-recovering alcoholics are crazy people. We do not need to entertain their craziness and we most certainly do not need to take it on and move into it with them. When alcoholic craziness comes my way, the best thing for me to do is simply recognize it, call it for what it is, and move on (and out of its way).
freya
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 110
I got told I love my dogs more than him and that's a big part of our problem.
Now, that he's 4 years into recovery, and we have a new dog (actually 3 with a 4th on the way this weekend) I find myself wanting to tell him you love your dog more than me...What a funny turn of events.
I know that he doesn't, but as all animal lovers feel they understand you more than any other human can. Their love is unconditional.
Just ignore the quacking.....
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by freya 
Here's an interesting take on this:
As I've said elsewhere, I had a very controlled and limited (by me) relationship with my dad from my early 20's on. Also, while I certainly supervised his contact with my kids, I tried, insofar as possible, to let them have their own relationships with him and not to try to smooth things out or cover things up or gloss things over.
When my oldest son (E) was about 3, my kids and I were staying in with my family in Pittsburgh while my hisband was traveling out of the country on business for several weeks. One day, I was sitting in the living room nursing my youngest, and my dad came into the dining room where E was having a snack and playing with the family dog, Mandy. My dad (who was not an active alcoholic at the time, but a severe dry-drunk) started in trying to get E to do something for him that he should have been doing for himself and that E did not want to do. E said "no." My dad began to engage in all kinds of silly, manipulative "guilting-out" behaviors to get E to do what he wanted. E stood his ground. Finally, when it became clear that E was not going to be manipulated, my dad turns around and starts talking to the dog: "Oh, Mandy, you're such a good dog; you're the only one around here who loves and respects this poor old man..." and on-and-on, blah...blah....blah.....
E stands there for a few seconds, watching and listening to this, then he looks back and forth several times from me to his grandfother -- I guess probably to see if I'm going to intervene in any way, which I didn't because he was obviously taking care of himself just fine -- and finally, he says, very decisively, to my dad: "Grampa, you're crazy!" and calmly leaves the room.
From the mouths of Babes!!!!
Non-recovering alcoholics do and say crazy things because non-recovering alcoholics are crazy people. We do not need to entertain their craziness and we most certainly do not need to take it on and move into it with them. When alcoholic craziness comes my way, the best thing for me to do is simply recognize it, call it for what it is, and move on (and out of its way).
freya
As I've said elsewhere, I had a very controlled and limited (by me) relationship with my dad from my early 20's on. Also, while I certainly supervised his contact with my kids, I tried, insofar as possible, to let them have their own relationships with him and not to try to smooth things out or cover things up or gloss things over.
When my oldest son (E) was about 3, my kids and I were staying in with my family in Pittsburgh while my hisband was traveling out of the country on business for several weeks. One day, I was sitting in the living room nursing my youngest, and my dad came into the dining room where E was having a snack and playing with the family dog, Mandy. My dad (who was not an active alcoholic at the time, but a severe dry-drunk) started in trying to get E to do something for him that he should have been doing for himself and that E did not want to do. E said "no." My dad began to engage in all kinds of silly, manipulative "guilting-out" behaviors to get E to do what he wanted. E stood his ground. Finally, when it became clear that E was not going to be manipulated, my dad turns around and starts talking to the dog: "Oh, Mandy, you're such a good dog; you're the only one around here who loves and respects this poor old man..." and on-and-on, blah...blah....blah.....
E stands there for a few seconds, watching and listening to this, then he looks back and forth several times from me to his grandfother -- I guess probably to see if I'm going to intervene in any way, which I didn't because he was obviously taking care of himself just fine -- and finally, he says, very decisively, to my dad: "Grampa, you're crazy!" and calmly leaves the room.
From the mouths of Babes!!!!
Non-recovering alcoholics do and say crazy things because non-recovering alcoholics are crazy people. We do not need to entertain their craziness and we most certainly do not need to take it on and move into it with them. When alcoholic craziness comes my way, the best thing for me to do is simply recognize it, call it for what it is, and move on (and out of its way).
freya
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 68
Yep, I've been there, too - accused of caring for the dogs & cats more than him. One of the kickers that pushed me over the edge to moving out was when he was drunk & mad at me (I was practicing detachment I had learned through Al-Anon) & tried to make me feel bad by accusing me of neglecting the pets b/c I wasn't around enough. I told him to never try to use my kids against me. When I told him I was moving out, he told me to take them with me (like I wouldn't have done so anyway ... It's true - I do love my pets more than just about anything.) Fortunately, he's never come close to hurting them and does care about them very much. I think it's about the only thing that holds our relationship together. Pretty sad when you think about it...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
I've also been told I'm more involved with my PC than him.
That my mother has to much influence over me(that might be a little true in regards to our relationship, but considering our past that she knows about I'd be a little pissy about him as well if it were my daughter)
I'm sure there's more I've loved more than him, just can't think of it now.
Funny thing is he used to be a hunting fanatic, I mean bow hunting/gun hunting any time he was off work. The only time I'd see him was when he came in to eat and get ready for bed. Then there was his car obsession. The 4-wheelers. Cars again. Catfishing, tournaments, fun-fishing and what-not.
Never ONCE did I ever accuse him of loving those things more than me. The thought never, ever crossed my mind.
That my mother has to much influence over me(that might be a little true in regards to our relationship, but considering our past that she knows about I'd be a little pissy about him as well if it were my daughter)
I'm sure there's more I've loved more than him, just can't think of it now.
Funny thing is he used to be a hunting fanatic, I mean bow hunting/gun hunting any time he was off work. The only time I'd see him was when he came in to eat and get ready for bed. Then there was his car obsession. The 4-wheelers. Cars again. Catfishing, tournaments, fun-fishing and what-not.
Never ONCE did I ever accuse him of loving those things more than me. The thought never, ever crossed my mind.
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
Yuppers, he told me I loved my dog more than him, I loved guitar lessons more than him, I loved my friends more than him. If I expressed an outside interest in something it was very threatening to XABF. I did tell him that I would have and keep any friends I wanted, my dog did come first and music is something that I have to have in my life - if he didn't like it he was free to pursue someone else.
He never pushed that again - he pushed on other things in other ways.
When he threw me out I was utterly crushed and hurt so bad I wanted to die...then about a year later my dog died. The loss I felt for my best friend and companion of 12 years was so utterly painful it put the pain from XABF's exit to shame.
Yeah, I did love my dog more and still do.
He never pushed that again - he pushed on other things in other ways.
When he threw me out I was utterly crushed and hurt so bad I wanted to die...then about a year later my dog died. The loss I felt for my best friend and companion of 12 years was so utterly painful it put the pain from XABF's exit to shame.
Yeah, I did love my dog more and still do.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I used to tell abf he loved the dog more than me. Well yeah sure he did, the dog would still cuddle up to him and give him the attention and love he wanted no matter what state he was in, and although he was nearly crushing her. The dog would forgive him no matter how many times he nearly fell on her from stumbling around, or no matter how many days she went without food!
I used to be jealous of the attention he would bestow on her, he would say things like ''YOU still love me don't you?'' to her - pathetic now I look back!
Doggie is still with me, he is gone. She is now fed often and is a lot less anxious.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I used to be jealous of the attention he would bestow on her, he would say things like ''YOU still love me don't you?'' to her - pathetic now I look back!
Doggie is still with me, he is gone. She is now fed often and is a lot less anxious.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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