GrowingPains

I took the next step and filed for divorce this week.

I started lurking here off and on last summer, as I was at the end of my rope trying to figure out how to make my marriage to a binge drinker work. It turned out not only to be impossible, but damaging to both of us as well. Although I'd thought our situation was unique, this site made it crystal clear that it was anything but. I've seen too many posts that could have been pulled from my journal to entertain any reasonable doubt.

I asked him to choose between me and drinking last September after a crappy Labor Day weekend. He moved out mid-month, by far the most painful experience of my life.

Living separately, although uncomfortable at first, gave me the perspective to see what was really happening with us. I found myself relieved when I came home and realized I wasn't waiting for the other shoe to drop. My anger subsided with him in a couple of weeks, although I must admit I was able to channel much of it into a series of paintings that are currently in a gallery -- : ).

We dated each other casually for a bit until it became obvious how different our lives were becoming. Although it was strange and sad, it lead me to feel that divorce made sense as a next step. Because we remain cordial, we negotiated the divorce together and signed the papers together. He's a good man and I love him, but he's also an addict and toxic to both of us. He admitted to me yesterday that he didn't know if he could stop drinking if he wanted to. Although I hope he does (and I believe he can if HE wants it bad enough), it is out of my hands and I'm glad not to be in a position of going down with the ship.

Through all this I feel lucky. This was a huge life challenge and I gave it my best. This place made me realize there are some problems I can't solve and there are times when I need to protect myself and move on. I was also lucky enough to meet some adult children of As, recovering As and former spouses of As who cheered me on.

I also got some interesting closure last week, although it may not be compatible with some of your beliefs. I did a channeling session and was told that I owed him a karmic debt from something I'd done to him in a previous life. According to the resource, I'm paid up and free to go now. Although I wasn't told exactly what horrors I'd put him through, it gave me peace.

So thanks again to everyone who posts here. I feel like I'm finally finding my way and I hope the same for the rest of you.

GiveLove

GrowingPains, I am so proud of everything you've done. You are such a great example of where one can get if they work a recovery program and "accept what is".

Hugs to you
GL

prairiegirl

GrowingPains, you are truly an inspiration. I needed to hear your message as you sound so strong. You recognized the problem and took action.

And by the way....I saw a channeller twice in the past few months, after my spouse and I separated when I still felt that the only thing that was going to relieve my pain was having him come back. It gave me clarifcation that the lesson was about working on myself and that there would be no benefit to me in having him back in my life.

The separation has been one of the most painful things I've experienced also, but I feel so grateful to everyone who posts on this forum because like you, I realize my situation was not unique and anyone here could be talking about my A; the stories are so similar. It's really helped me in realizing I am not alone and you've helped me to see if you can get through this, so can I. Thanks for your post!

FormerDoormat

Maybe your channeler is on to something. Your debt to your AH, whatever you felt it was, has been repaid and you're moving on to even greater things. The older I get the more I learn not to discount things that seem foreign to me. If a channeler means someone who offers words of wisdom, I think he or she is a fine example.