Once again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: GSO, NC
Posts: 4
Once again...
Well I made my first post the other day after being sober for 7 days.I felt absolutely great. I went around bragging how i would never drink again. I went 10 days and figured I would be okay to just have ONE porter. Here I am 3 days after that and i've drank everyday since. Not enough to get drunk, but thats how it always is. I'll control it for a month or so and then before i know it I will be blacking out again. I don't really know if I will ever be able to kick it for good. How can you deal with the thought of never drinking again? I just feel like a total dirtbag for once again going around talking about how i wouldn't drink anymore and then everyone sees me drinking. I've got to find something else, but it pretty much seems impossible. I know that no one can give me a solution, but maybe examples of what really drove them to not pick up a drink no matter what. Not even the memory of all the horrible things i've done can curb it...
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Avalanche,
It sucks that we can't drink. I hate it. And I fought off the surrender to that fact for so fricking long. I totally know how you feel. I want to be someone who can drink. It was a big part of my life. I loved really good wine. And, frankly, I didn't really know how to be me without alcohol.
It took an enormous amount of suffering for me to finally get it. And, truthfully, my family suffered more than me. That's what finally got to me. One night, I saw the contempt in my husband's face.
Each of us has to reach that place on our own. No one can do it for you. You have to finally get to the place where the suffering that you experience (either directly or indirectly) from alcohol is greater than the pleasure you experience. And then, from there, you're basically home free. I've said this before but I'll say it again. I would no more pick up now than I would take out a pencil and gouge my own eyes out. It would be the equivolent action. That's how clear my understanding of what alcohol did to my life is.
I think taking it one day at a time is really helpful. Sometimes essential. But I don't think I could've done it without totally and completely reaching that place where I understood how harmful it is for me.
Anyway, I don't know if that helps you at all. Just know that I support your efforts. I'm glad you're here. And I hope you have success in your goals.
It sucks that we can't drink. I hate it. And I fought off the surrender to that fact for so fricking long. I totally know how you feel. I want to be someone who can drink. It was a big part of my life. I loved really good wine. And, frankly, I didn't really know how to be me without alcohol.
It took an enormous amount of suffering for me to finally get it. And, truthfully, my family suffered more than me. That's what finally got to me. One night, I saw the contempt in my husband's face.
Each of us has to reach that place on our own. No one can do it for you. You have to finally get to the place where the suffering that you experience (either directly or indirectly) from alcohol is greater than the pleasure you experience. And then, from there, you're basically home free. I've said this before but I'll say it again. I would no more pick up now than I would take out a pencil and gouge my own eyes out. It would be the equivolent action. That's how clear my understanding of what alcohol did to my life is.
I think taking it one day at a time is really helpful. Sometimes essential. But I don't think I could've done it without totally and completely reaching that place where I understood how harmful it is for me.
Anyway, I don't know if that helps you at all. Just know that I support your efforts. I'm glad you're here. And I hope you have success in your goals.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Originally Posted by Avalanche9645 
How can you deal with the thought of never drinking again?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
One day at a time is really the best way to do it. Never say 'never' cause that's too long and impossible to imagine. Just stay sober for TODAY. And when tomorrow becomes today, then stay sober just for today.
It helped me too to have a list of all the things I hated about drinking. I could get it out and re-read it when I felt the urge to drink. I also had to do a lot of 'self talk', and remind myself of what I was trying to accomplish.
Remember too that the disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling, powerful, and PATIENT. It will wait til you've got some sober time under your belt and start whispering lies in your ear.
Come here often and let your feelings out. Read lots of posts and learn from the experiences of others. And if you get the urge to drink, come here and post it and we'll do our best to talk you out of it.
Welcome to a great place!
It helped me too to have a list of all the things I hated about drinking. I could get it out and re-read it when I felt the urge to drink. I also had to do a lot of 'self talk', and remind myself of what I was trying to accomplish.
Remember too that the disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling, powerful, and PATIENT. It will wait til you've got some sober time under your belt and start whispering lies in your ear.
Come here often and let your feelings out. Read lots of posts and learn from the experiences of others. And if you get the urge to drink, come here and post it and we'll do our best to talk you out of it.
Welcome to a great place!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
As MLE said:
Each of us has to reach that place on our own. No one can do it for you. You have to finally get to the place where the suffering that you experience (either directly or indirectly) from alcohol is greater than the pleasure you experience. And then, from there, you're basically home free. I've said this before but I'll say it again. I would no more pick up now than I would take out a pencil and gouge my own eyes out. It would be the equivolent action. That's how clear my understanding of what alcohol did to my life is.
I, too, had to reach that place on my own. I have battled with this for a long time, but I think in my mind, that I never REALLY accepted that I was powerless over the stuff. At the end, I felt like I was splitting apart at the seams and that if I did not do something RIGHT THEN, I would be lost. Truly gone. It was a horrible feeling of panic, but necessary for me. The other thing that comes to mind is that, in early sobriety I had to rely on FAITH that things would get better. Now that I KNOW that they do, it is easier to resist the impulse to drink. For so long it was my habitual REACTION to swings in my emotions (happy, sad, angry...didn't matter). Now, I MAKE myself pause and respond, and think about the consequences of drinking which were never pretty. I NEVER, EVER woke up the morning after and thought "GEE, that was a good idea!"
Best of luck to you. Everyone here is behind you!
Each of us has to reach that place on our own. No one can do it for you. You have to finally get to the place where the suffering that you experience (either directly or indirectly) from alcohol is greater than the pleasure you experience. And then, from there, you're basically home free. I've said this before but I'll say it again. I would no more pick up now than I would take out a pencil and gouge my own eyes out. It would be the equivolent action. That's how clear my understanding of what alcohol did to my life is.
I, too, had to reach that place on my own. I have battled with this for a long time, but I think in my mind, that I never REALLY accepted that I was powerless over the stuff. At the end, I felt like I was splitting apart at the seams and that if I did not do something RIGHT THEN, I would be lost. Truly gone. It was a horrible feeling of panic, but necessary for me. The other thing that comes to mind is that, in early sobriety I had to rely on FAITH that things would get better. Now that I KNOW that they do, it is easier to resist the impulse to drink. For so long it was my habitual REACTION to swings in my emotions (happy, sad, angry...didn't matter). Now, I MAKE myself pause and respond, and think about the consequences of drinking which were never pretty. I NEVER, EVER woke up the morning after and thought "GEE, that was a good idea!"
Best of luck to you. Everyone here is behind you!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 157
I hear ya, you seem to have the exact pattern I did. I would be super hungover, regretting a night of a blackout out and swear I would not drink again. Only to start with one here and there and no sooner I would be back to my binge drinker blacked out self. For some reason, this last time hit harder for me. Hey, sometimes it takes more than a few attempts, but you seem determined and headed in the right direction. Its hard! Be strong! We are all here, this place is awesome.
Just starting out...
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by anvilhead
One Day at a Time.
just for today i choose not to drink. i cannot guarantee what tomorrow may hold, but i can certainly hedge my bets by choosing to stay clean and sober NOW. if i start to falter, i will focus on the smallest manageable timeframe i can....just for another six hours, just for the next ten minutes. and i will use all the recovery tools available to me, just for today. i will reach out to others, i'll get to a meeting if that's my inclination, i will do something meaningful and productive with my time, or take a nice long nap if that helps.
i'll remember never to get too
Hungry
Angry
Lonely or
Tired (HALT).
i will think before i act. i was ask myself What is the next WISE thing to do? i will believe in myself and my ability to stay sober. just for today.
just for today i choose not to drink. i cannot guarantee what tomorrow may hold, but i can certainly hedge my bets by choosing to stay clean and sober NOW. if i start to falter, i will focus on the smallest manageable timeframe i can....just for another six hours, just for the next ten minutes. and i will use all the recovery tools available to me, just for today. i will reach out to others, i'll get to a meeting if that's my inclination, i will do something meaningful and productive with my time, or take a nice long nap if that helps.
i'll remember never to get too
Hungry
Angry
Lonely or
Tired (HALT).
i will think before i act. i was ask myself What is the next WISE thing to do? i will believe in myself and my ability to stay sober. just for today.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 16
Avalanche - don't feel bad. I did the same thing during my first true attempt to quite (also here on SR). I made it about two weeks before going out with the fellas. I had 2-3 beers and that was all it took. The next day I had none but the following day I had 2... and so the cycle begun all over.
I also have a VERY hard time thinking about never drinking again. I love beer. I drank all kinds and have even brewed my own. I love cigars while drinking beer. But the fact is that these indulgences of ours are [B]killing us[B]. We enjoy them now but will pay the price for them later. We need to instead, you and I and other alcoholics, need to find other guilty pleasures to fill our minds with. I love model airplanes and helos but have not been able to find the money to spend on them in years. If I did the math --- over the past 6 years I've drank about 6500 beers (roughly 2-3 per day). That's 541-ish 12 packs --- at about $10.00 each --- that's $5,410. PLENTY OF MONEY to fund a hobby that I really have a passion for... and that DOESN'T kill me.
So it's time to dig into your life my friend and find what you really love. I bet you everything I have that alcohol isn't it. I know it's not for me.
I also have a VERY hard time thinking about never drinking again. I love beer. I drank all kinds and have even brewed my own. I love cigars while drinking beer. But the fact is that these indulgences of ours are [B]killing us[B]. We enjoy them now but will pay the price for them later. We need to instead, you and I and other alcoholics, need to find other guilty pleasures to fill our minds with. I love model airplanes and helos but have not been able to find the money to spend on them in years. If I did the math --- over the past 6 years I've drank about 6500 beers (roughly 2-3 per day). That's 541-ish 12 packs --- at about $10.00 each --- that's $5,410. PLENTY OF MONEY to fund a hobby that I really have a passion for... and that DOESN'T kill me.
So it's time to dig into your life my friend and find what you really love. I bet you everything I have that alcohol isn't it. I know it's not for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: GSO, NC
Posts: 4
I can't tell you how much i appreciate the help guys! I think that this place is gonna be a lot help to me when i get that urge. So, i'll just start over again, and won't drink TODAY. Once again, thanks a million to everyone that took the time to respond.
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