Four days, confused and heart-broken
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 381
Four days, confused and heart-broken
Hello all,
I have four days today after a long battle with resisting the first drink. I have been to treatment three times and in and out of A.A. halls for the last two years and in that time have never been able to get more than thirty days together. I don't know what I'm not doing, but it sure feels like something is missing. But then again, I haven't been very diligent in trying to find a sponsor. I have been going to meetings, reading the big book daily and reading tons of wonderful recovery-based blogs but something doesn't feel right. I have managed to stay sober longer on my own without going to meetings than when I do go to meetings. So I wonder if A.A. is right for me, yet I always end up in a meeting after a bender, getting her 24 hour coin for the millionth time.
I'm also having a hard time with some major wreckage that I did during my last binge. I was seeing a very sweet guy earlier this year who put up with alot of my drunken crap, I'm still amazed at how large his reserves of patience were. He saw me go into treatment and was very supportive of that, but then when I drank again and he gave me the boot.
We recently started talking again and agreed to see each other on my birthday last week, but I really screwed that one up too. He never called me for some reason and so I got mad, and used it as an excuse to get all good and wasted and called him twenty-billion times and screamed at him on his voicemail. Needless to say, he wants NOTHING to do with me now. And it breaks my heart. I know that he is the last person I should be thinking of, but I wonder if anyone has any advice or experience on how to get over someone in early recovery because it usually takes me a very long time by myself, and usually I drink over it.
Thanks in advance,
Dita
I have four days today after a long battle with resisting the first drink. I have been to treatment three times and in and out of A.A. halls for the last two years and in that time have never been able to get more than thirty days together. I don't know what I'm not doing, but it sure feels like something is missing. But then again, I haven't been very diligent in trying to find a sponsor. I have been going to meetings, reading the big book daily and reading tons of wonderful recovery-based blogs but something doesn't feel right. I have managed to stay sober longer on my own without going to meetings than when I do go to meetings. So I wonder if A.A. is right for me, yet I always end up in a meeting after a bender, getting her 24 hour coin for the millionth time.
I'm also having a hard time with some major wreckage that I did during my last binge. I was seeing a very sweet guy earlier this year who put up with alot of my drunken crap, I'm still amazed at how large his reserves of patience were. He saw me go into treatment and was very supportive of that, but then when I drank again and he gave me the boot.
We recently started talking again and agreed to see each other on my birthday last week, but I really screwed that one up too. He never called me for some reason and so I got mad, and used it as an excuse to get all good and wasted and called him twenty-billion times and screamed at him on his voicemail. Needless to say, he wants NOTHING to do with me now. And it breaks my heart. I know that he is the last person I should be thinking of, but I wonder if anyone has any advice or experience on how to get over someone in early recovery because it usually takes me a very long time by myself, and usually I drink over it.
Thanks in advance,
Dita
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 150
Hi Dita
I am in early recovery, 8 days and having plenty of struggles. I don't have a lot of advice other than just grit your teeth and let you determination be your best, best friend.
It's hard when we do all these nutso things when we get drunk! A few months back I went to a friends wedding with my partner, "yay open bar" is my first thought. I make sure I get in as much as I can (just in case the waiters stop serving!). I ended up dancing with another guy (not slow dance, but bad enough) right in front of my partner. And yeh there is a million other stories, but just to make you feel better, we have all been there, done that & generally......screwed it up.
It's of little comfort now, but get straight & sorted now, then when Mr.Right comes along you won't screw it up again, you will be sober, beautiful and vibrant and ready to give the best of you. You may even bump into this guy again, or you could give it a month or two, and then if you feel it's appropriate text him and say I have not drunk in "x" amount of time, and I want to apologise for what happened that night, it was not me it was the drink.
Either way getting sober is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I am in early recovery, 8 days and having plenty of struggles. I don't have a lot of advice other than just grit your teeth and let you determination be your best, best friend.
It's hard when we do all these nutso things when we get drunk! A few months back I went to a friends wedding with my partner, "yay open bar" is my first thought. I make sure I get in as much as I can (just in case the waiters stop serving!). I ended up dancing with another guy (not slow dance, but bad enough) right in front of my partner. And yeh there is a million other stories, but just to make you feel better, we have all been there, done that & generally......screwed it up.
It's of little comfort now, but get straight & sorted now, then when Mr.Right comes along you won't screw it up again, you will be sober, beautiful and vibrant and ready to give the best of you. You may even bump into this guy again, or you could give it a month or two, and then if you feel it's appropriate text him and say I have not drunk in "x" amount of time, and I want to apologise for what happened that night, it was not me it was the drink.
Either way getting sober is the best thing you can do for yourself.
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