I have a couple friends who I met in the program........
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
I have a couple friends who I met in the program........
I have a couple friends who I met in the program........
One just keeps going out and wonders why their life is so insane. They only hang out with people who just dont seem to want to get sober. I just got finished helping them get their things in order to get their liscense back. After about an hour we discovered that she had just recieved a letter from the RMV last October that said her liscense was revolked for 4 additional years. I felt like my best intentions were just crap. Her life seems so insane ! Was I really like that - even at the end ????
Im not even sure that she will remember the steps she needs to follow to find out if she is still unable to get a restricted liscense. I ended up sending an email to the RMV myself !
I have another friend who was around when I started going to meetings who now refuses to go to meetings, is taking ALOT of pain medication every day and is just as scattered as the other one. I was trying to help her w her computer and she refuses to pay attention, even attempt to learn anything whatsoever about what is needed to upgrade and keeps asking more and more people for advice. Every time I have what I think is the right solution or a place to buy the hardware/software she needs; she comes up w a statement like, "Well, so and so said that it could be done this way or that; but I cant do any of it myself because I dont understand all of this." They cannot figure out how to work the cable remote or even how to use voicemail on their home phone !
We had aggreed that I was going to help her and she was not going to ask the same person that screwed up her system originally. She keeps forgetting that she needs to upgrade her MAC operating system just to get her printer (that she just blindly went out and bought) working in any other manner other than an overpriced copier. I nearly snapped today and basically referred her to some place that would charge her $80/ hour rather than $20. I have spent hours looking into an operating system and hardware which is new to some degree -basically, teaching myself about it. I dont mind helping a friend and she does give me alot of rides - I dont drive at the moment either.
Is this what they mean about active alcoholics and addicts and the insanity ?
Was I like this ??
It has been mentioned to both people that they may want to consider a little thinking about what they are doing. It gets to be an uncomfortable situation every time.
They keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. They get extremely defensive. I find it so difficult to hang around them because it drives me crazy !!
I have been told that in some degrees that is a little bit of active addiction and that it is some degree of sobriety (rarely) and absolutely NO recovery.
:wtf2
One just keeps going out and wonders why their life is so insane. They only hang out with people who just dont seem to want to get sober. I just got finished helping them get their things in order to get their liscense back. After about an hour we discovered that she had just recieved a letter from the RMV last October that said her liscense was revolked for 4 additional years. I felt like my best intentions were just crap. Her life seems so insane ! Was I really like that - even at the end ????
Im not even sure that she will remember the steps she needs to follow to find out if she is still unable to get a restricted liscense. I ended up sending an email to the RMV myself !
I have another friend who was around when I started going to meetings who now refuses to go to meetings, is taking ALOT of pain medication every day and is just as scattered as the other one. I was trying to help her w her computer and she refuses to pay attention, even attempt to learn anything whatsoever about what is needed to upgrade and keeps asking more and more people for advice. Every time I have what I think is the right solution or a place to buy the hardware/software she needs; she comes up w a statement like, "Well, so and so said that it could be done this way or that; but I cant do any of it myself because I dont understand all of this." They cannot figure out how to work the cable remote or even how to use voicemail on their home phone !
We had aggreed that I was going to help her and she was not going to ask the same person that screwed up her system originally. She keeps forgetting that she needs to upgrade her MAC operating system just to get her printer (that she just blindly went out and bought) working in any other manner other than an overpriced copier. I nearly snapped today and basically referred her to some place that would charge her $80/ hour rather than $20. I have spent hours looking into an operating system and hardware which is new to some degree -basically, teaching myself about it. I dont mind helping a friend and she does give me alot of rides - I dont drive at the moment either.
Is this what they mean about active alcoholics and addicts and the insanity ?
Was I like this ??
It has been mentioned to both people that they may want to consider a little thinking about what they are doing. It gets to be an uncomfortable situation every time.
They keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. They get extremely defensive. I find it so difficult to hang around them because it drives me crazy !!
I have been told that in some degrees that is a little bit of active addiction and that it is some degree of sobriety (rarely) and absolutely NO recovery.
:wtf2
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by frstnm 
It has been mentioned to both people that they may want to consider a little thinking about what they are doing. It gets to be an uncomfortable situation every time.
They keep doing the same thing and expecting different results....I find it so difficult to hang around them because it drives me crazy !!
They keep doing the same thing and expecting different results....I find it so difficult to hang around them because it drives me crazy !!
I'm sitting here smiling, though I know I shouldn't be. THEY should be thinking about what they're doing? THEY keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results?
Maybe it's time to put all of that TLC into yourself, rather than people who don't listen, don't care, and keep doing the same stuff over and over?
Sometimes I've had to stop hanging out with people who raised my blood pressure, took me for granted, and made me crazy. Even if we did have something in common, being around sick people made me feel sick, and being around healthy people made me feel healthy. I didn't need any more help being sick and damaged, I was doing a perfectly good job on my own!!
Hugs and strength and peace of mind!
GL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
I'm really struggling to add to what GL wrote but she nailed it.
The only crazy people I have in my life any more are newcomers and sponsees, and we reserve a block of time once a week for them to read and go to a meeting and we smile and nod a lot and don't get sucked into the drama, and among the many things we learn from them is why we don't live like that any more and how to detach with love.
crashed your car?
Smile and nod....ask how's that drinking thing working for you? Go to jail? rinse and repeat. Oh noes!!!! lost your girlfriend???!?!??! that's terrible.
I am a firm believer in a concept I had all but forgotten
It's SEP*
*Somebody else's problem
I can't save the world, my Girlfriend, or even my family and when I tried I ended up needing "rescuing" my own self.
I'm over that shyte lemme tell ya, I'll take a double serving of healthy people...can i get that to go please?
The only crazy people I have in my life any more are newcomers and sponsees, and we reserve a block of time once a week for them to read and go to a meeting and we smile and nod a lot and don't get sucked into the drama, and among the many things we learn from them is why we don't live like that any more and how to detach with love.
crashed your car?
Smile and nod....ask how's that drinking thing working for you? Go to jail? rinse and repeat. Oh noes!!!! lost your girlfriend???!?!??! that's terrible.
I am a firm believer in a concept I had all but forgotten
It's SEP*
*Somebody else's problem
I can't save the world, my Girlfriend, or even my family and when I tried I ended up needing "rescuing" my own self.
I'm over that shyte lemme tell ya, I'll take a double serving of healthy people...can i get that to go please?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
"They keep doing the same thing and expecting different results....I find it so difficult to hang around them because it drives me crazy" !!
Dear frstnm, You have gone out of your way time after time to help these people, and have got the same results each time. They have taken no notice of what you have told them, have ignored your advice and you keep on "helping" them.
To me, it seems "They aren't alone in keeping on doing the same things and expecting different results", because you are keeping on "helping" and expecting different results from them.
No wonder it is difficult to hang around them, and it drives you crazy.
Sorry my dear, but if I had given as much as you have, and all I got from it was just frustration and being sent crazy, I would tell them I couldn't help any further and bolt out the door. I think you are wasting your time and just upsetting yourself with them.
As my Gran used to say. Save your breath to cool your porridge.
Take your life back, and let them dither if that is what they want to do.
God bless
Dear frstnm, You have gone out of your way time after time to help these people, and have got the same results each time. They have taken no notice of what you have told them, have ignored your advice and you keep on "helping" them.
To me, it seems "They aren't alone in keeping on doing the same things and expecting different results", because you are keeping on "helping" and expecting different results from them.
No wonder it is difficult to hang around them, and it drives you crazy.
Sorry my dear, but if I had given as much as you have, and all I got from it was just frustration and being sent crazy, I would tell them I couldn't help any further and bolt out the door. I think you are wasting your time and just upsetting yourself with them.
As my Gran used to say. Save your breath to cool your porridge.
Take your life back, and let them dither if that is what they want to do.
God bless
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
I have pretty much resolved to not helping them in the future. I am rather in debt to at least one of them for all the rides they give me.
You folks are right.
Thanks
You folks are right.
Thanks
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