New Poster - Please take a moment to read
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 5
New Poster - Please take a moment to read Hi –
I’m new to posting on this form, I’ve been reading for a couple of weeks.
I have been with my ABF for 2.5 years, and he has been using opiates heavily since about this time last year. It started with snorting oxycontin. By last April, it had escalated to injecting heroin, and between May and this last November, he had escalated to injecting fentanyl from the patches, probably mixing it with heroin. When I found the needles in April, I told him either he goes into treatment and started being honest with me about his use, or I would leave him. He started seeing someone and got a prescription for suboxone. He had told me he was taking the suboxone since April, because it was helping him. Since April, there were a few times I confronted him, suspicious that he was injecting again, but he always had an excuse as to why the track marks looked funny. And I truly wanted to believe that he would be honest with me. I recently found out he stopped going to see the doctor and getting the prescriptions for suboxone in early September, and had started again with heroin, fentanyl, and maybe oxycontin.
Also in early September, he started going out at night, hanging out with his new “friends”. I am so hurt by this I think because while he was taking me for granted and expecting me to come over and hang out while he was nodding, as soon as I left, he was going out to hang out and be with these people I don’t even know. I have read that when heroin use starts, it tends to increase promiscuity, and I cannot stop wondering if he was cheating on me while using with these people.
Since around this time last year, he started gambling. I never asked him if he was gambling, it never crossed my mind, but when I’d ask him what he’d been doing that day, he would lie about it, even though his parents knew he was going to the casino. It wasn’t until recently that his parents and I started sharing information – they knew more about the gambling, I knew more about the drug use.
On 11/17, he called me and said that he had “slipped up” and needed to go away for treatment. Part of me was relieved and happy that he had told me up front and I felt like he was being honest with me about his addiction. What really happened was that he had gone to make a cash withdrawl from a credit card of his parents’, and had been denied. His parents had found out earlier that morning that he had run up $5000 on this card, primarily with daily $140 withdrawls that increased to multiple withrawls each day. By 11/24, he had run through $6000 of personal savings, a $5000 personal loan he took out in June, $6000 cash he stole from his parents, plus all of his income except for gas money (he pays no rent or bills, we stopped going out and doing anything). I will never know how much of this was spent on gambling vs. drugs.
At first he was trying to put off going to treatment, but then realized that he had no access to money to feed his habit. It took a week, he left on 11/24 for an inpatient treatment center. Now that I know he was still using during that week, I am afraid to think of how he funded his addiction. It seems like prostitution is usually associated with females, but he had no source of money during this week, and was still using somehow.
Since he has been in treatment, he has only called me twice. Once right after he detoxed and he complained that it was cold and the food was bad, and said that since he had detoxed, he didn’t really need to be there anymore. He has tried to leave the facility twice to my knowledge. On 12/4, his counselor called his parents to let them know that he was trying to leave. Then on 12/6, he called me to ask me to come pick him up. I told him no, and that if he didn’t stay the full 28 days, that were would be no chance that we could work things out. Neither call had any type of remorse or sense that he cared about me or what I am going through here. Finally, he called his mother on 12/8, and did “genuinely” apologize for his behaviors and seemed to have some insight and remorse regarding his lies and the destruction he has caused. He also relayed a message to me through this call (he can’t call me since he already burned through his calling card, presumably talking to more sympathetic ears).
I have been to a Nar-Anon meeting and am going to my second one tonight. I have convinced his mother to come with me.
I am looking for other significant others out there who have had to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild trust with an addict. It seems clear cut what type of rules and expectations that his parents need to set. But as “just the girlfriend”, how do I begin to start? I know the standard advice is to take it one day at a time, but I am really anxious about him coming home and I feel like I need to have a plan of sorts.
Thanks to anyone who gets this far, I know this is long, but it’s been a long time coming.
I’m new to posting on this form, I’ve been reading for a couple of weeks.
I have been with my ABF for 2.5 years, and he has been using opiates heavily since about this time last year. It started with snorting oxycontin. By last April, it had escalated to injecting heroin, and between May and this last November, he had escalated to injecting fentanyl from the patches, probably mixing it with heroin. When I found the needles in April, I told him either he goes into treatment and started being honest with me about his use, or I would leave him. He started seeing someone and got a prescription for suboxone. He had told me he was taking the suboxone since April, because it was helping him. Since April, there were a few times I confronted him, suspicious that he was injecting again, but he always had an excuse as to why the track marks looked funny. And I truly wanted to believe that he would be honest with me. I recently found out he stopped going to see the doctor and getting the prescriptions for suboxone in early September, and had started again with heroin, fentanyl, and maybe oxycontin.
Also in early September, he started going out at night, hanging out with his new “friends”. I am so hurt by this I think because while he was taking me for granted and expecting me to come over and hang out while he was nodding, as soon as I left, he was going out to hang out and be with these people I don’t even know. I have read that when heroin use starts, it tends to increase promiscuity, and I cannot stop wondering if he was cheating on me while using with these people.
Since around this time last year, he started gambling. I never asked him if he was gambling, it never crossed my mind, but when I’d ask him what he’d been doing that day, he would lie about it, even though his parents knew he was going to the casino. It wasn’t until recently that his parents and I started sharing information – they knew more about the gambling, I knew more about the drug use.
On 11/17, he called me and said that he had “slipped up” and needed to go away for treatment. Part of me was relieved and happy that he had told me up front and I felt like he was being honest with me about his addiction. What really happened was that he had gone to make a cash withdrawl from a credit card of his parents’, and had been denied. His parents had found out earlier that morning that he had run up $5000 on this card, primarily with daily $140 withdrawls that increased to multiple withrawls each day. By 11/24, he had run through $6000 of personal savings, a $5000 personal loan he took out in June, $6000 cash he stole from his parents, plus all of his income except for gas money (he pays no rent or bills, we stopped going out and doing anything). I will never know how much of this was spent on gambling vs. drugs.
At first he was trying to put off going to treatment, but then realized that he had no access to money to feed his habit. It took a week, he left on 11/24 for an inpatient treatment center. Now that I know he was still using during that week, I am afraid to think of how he funded his addiction. It seems like prostitution is usually associated with females, but he had no source of money during this week, and was still using somehow.
Since he has been in treatment, he has only called me twice. Once right after he detoxed and he complained that it was cold and the food was bad, and said that since he had detoxed, he didn’t really need to be there anymore. He has tried to leave the facility twice to my knowledge. On 12/4, his counselor called his parents to let them know that he was trying to leave. Then on 12/6, he called me to ask me to come pick him up. I told him no, and that if he didn’t stay the full 28 days, that were would be no chance that we could work things out. Neither call had any type of remorse or sense that he cared about me or what I am going through here. Finally, he called his mother on 12/8, and did “genuinely” apologize for his behaviors and seemed to have some insight and remorse regarding his lies and the destruction he has caused. He also relayed a message to me through this call (he can’t call me since he already burned through his calling card, presumably talking to more sympathetic ears).
I have been to a Nar-Anon meeting and am going to my second one tonight. I have convinced his mother to come with me.
I am looking for other significant others out there who have had to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild trust with an addict. It seems clear cut what type of rules and expectations that his parents need to set. But as “just the girlfriend”, how do I begin to start? I know the standard advice is to take it one day at a time, but I am really anxious about him coming home and I feel like I need to have a plan of sorts.
Thanks to anyone who gets this far, I know this is long, but it’s been a long time coming.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Not springing him from rehab was a good choice.
Every time I read of a BF/soul mate being percieved as " being honest or genuine", it invariably was followed by dishonesty. This is the way it goes with addiction.
28 days in rehab is a drop in the bucket, especially when most of the time is spent in denial and resisting. This is often the way it goes with addiction.
Rehab does not cure addiction. Rehab gives the addict recovery tools, if the addict chooses to use them. Most heroin addicts relapse soon after returning home, from rehab.
A local acquaintence of my AD's got out of rehab, last week. 6 hours later she was dead- an OD. She was 19.
There are only two possible outcomes to heroin addiction, prison or death.
Best thing you can do for yourself is to pay attention to his actions, not his words. Protect your money/credit cards, bank accounts, and your heart. Use extra protection so that you are not exposed to STDs, hepatitus or pregancy.
His addiction has absolutely nothing to do with you. You cannot love him sober or cure this. The rest of his life is up to him.
Every time I read of a BF/soul mate being percieved as " being honest or genuine", it invariably was followed by dishonesty. This is the way it goes with addiction.
28 days in rehab is a drop in the bucket, especially when most of the time is spent in denial and resisting. This is often the way it goes with addiction.
Rehab does not cure addiction. Rehab gives the addict recovery tools, if the addict chooses to use them. Most heroin addicts relapse soon after returning home, from rehab.
A local acquaintence of my AD's got out of rehab, last week. 6 hours later she was dead- an OD. She was 19.
There are only two possible outcomes to heroin addiction, prison or death.
Best thing you can do for yourself is to pay attention to his actions, not his words. Protect your money/credit cards, bank accounts, and your heart. Use extra protection so that you are not exposed to STDs, hepatitus or pregancy.
His addiction has absolutely nothing to do with you. You cannot love him sober or cure this. The rest of his life is up to him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
First of all, welcome to SR. You've made a great start by deciding to attend Naranon. I encourage you to keep attending. Addiction affects everyone it comes into contact with, and 12 step programs help us heal from the effects of addiction.
Continue to educate yourself on the disease of addiction. There are some good books out there too I would recommend that really opened my eyes for me. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is one I recommend, and another one I really enjoyed was Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.
It's important to remember that the drugs are only a symptom of the disease, and once the addict gets help and quits the drugs, that is the bare beginning of recovery. The underlying issues of why an addict uses must be addressed, or long-term recovery won't happen.
Actions will speak louder than words when it comes to true recovery. I know for me, it took a long time to get a firm footing in recovery.
I encourage you to set some boundaries for yourself, not for him. What is/is not acceptable to you, and what are you willing to do if those boundaries are crossed?
My ex-husband never did find recovery, but my oldest daughter is an active addict, and I did set very clear boundaries for the short period of time that I took her in after she did 9 months on felony drug charges. She stepped over every one of them and was out of my house within a month.
Continue to educate yourself on the disease of addiction. There are some good books out there too I would recommend that really opened my eyes for me. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is one I recommend, and another one I really enjoyed was Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.
It's important to remember that the drugs are only a symptom of the disease, and once the addict gets help and quits the drugs, that is the bare beginning of recovery. The underlying issues of why an addict uses must be addressed, or long-term recovery won't happen.
Actions will speak louder than words when it comes to true recovery. I know for me, it took a long time to get a firm footing in recovery.
I encourage you to set some boundaries for yourself, not for him. What is/is not acceptable to you, and what are you willing to do if those boundaries are crossed?
My ex-husband never did find recovery, but my oldest daughter is an active addict, and I did set very clear boundaries for the short period of time that I took her in after she did 9 months on felony drug charges. She stepped over every one of them and was out of my house within a month.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Originally Posted by Freedom1990 
Continue to educate yourself on the disease of addiction. There are some good books out there too I would recommend that really opened my eyes for me. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is one I recommend, and another one I really enjoyed was Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.
It's important to remember that the drugs are only a symptom of the disease, and once the addict gets help and quits the drugs, that is the bare beginning of recovery. The underlying issues of why an addict uses must be addressed, or long-term recovery won't happen.
Actions will speak louder than words when it comes to true recovery. I know for me, it took a long time to get a firm footing in recovery.
Freedom is so right in giving you this advice.
My ex, was addicted to oxy and percs was snorting them, entered into rehab just about a month ago. He is taking suboxone for the w/d's and attending group therapy.
Ok now that you have the backround let me tell you how the actions of the addict will tell the story...
Today even though he is off of the drugs he is still acting like an addict. He lies, is angry, cant hold human converstations that dont involve blaming me for his troubles, has alot of mood swings, and is still very much in denial that he has a problem. A few weeks ago I found out that he was still trying to get his oxy script from his doc. Hello HE IS IN REHAB. Nothing changes is NOTHING CHANGES. He has not addressed the core of his issues so he will continue to have all the pain (if not more because gone is his drugs) that he was masking before.
These are the actions we speak of here. REAL TRUE recovery is very EVIDENT just like ADDICTION. Until they truly face their issues it doesnt matter if they are clean or not. That is probably the hardest thing for me. I go back and forth with myself and say "but he is off the pills so he should be getting better right?" Wrong. When we had converstations before I used to think it was comparable to being on a hamster wheel. I never got ANYWHERE talking with him. About anything. Today that still is the case. In fact when I took away reasons he had to agrue with me he found new ones. Made up ones. Ones that often were surrounded in blaming me.
If he truly is seeking to break the cycle of addiction you will know it without a shadow of a doubt. You wont have to ask anyone you will just know it. From my experience I can tell you that if you chose to "wait" for him educate yourself with all the information you can. You will need it especially so that you can watch out for the manipulation that is so common with addicts still wanting to use.
I love my ex very much. We had a wonderful life together before the drugs. I miss him daily and truly wish that things could be different but they arent. Life is what you know today. Today my ex is still an addict. Our relationship is over. TODAY I can accept that. I had to stop looking for things to get better. There may come a point where he will and maybe when that happens I will be strong enough not to want to him back. I dont know my crystal ball is broke today.
If you want to see how things are gonna shake out with him then you need to develop patience. This is a journey that he has to walk alone. You cant hekp him do this. So for now step into the shadows and see where the dust settles. Dont expect him to come out of rehab and be the old bf you used to know. Its not gonna happen. In fact that person is gone FOREVER. Recovery is a rebirth if it is embraced.
Know that you will have good days and bad days. Yesterday for me was a bad day. Today is a little better. Take care of yourself. Dont let yourself get caught up in what is going on with him. Keep reading here. Keep posting we all share your pain.....
Good luck.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 149
batzmaru,
i feel for you- i really do. i applaud your efforts to go to nar anon.
i sense your anxiety, and from experience, i know having an activeBF, XBF, or in recovery boyfriend it can bring out a lot of obessing and anxiety.
something i remember is that people in recovery often have had or are near a rock bottom. not necesarily sympathy, but ... just as someone told me regarding my active addict/alcoholic xbf, he is sicker than i will ever know.
i cant tell you what to do but i know from experience that reading, posting CONSTANTLY on the boards (even if you say the same thing over and over), and seeing a counselor helped. i also tried to direct some of that negative energy into something positive that was constructive and helped with the anxiety- such as running. and reading, again.
i wish you all the best and were always here for more posts. dont feel bad about the length of your post, either. keep writing. get it all out.
anyway, stay strong. i hope you will stick around the board and nar anon. hopefully between here and there you will find people who have been there and share experience, hope, and strength. good luck and take care.
i feel for you- i really do. i applaud your efforts to go to nar anon.
i sense your anxiety, and from experience, i know having an activeBF, XBF, or in recovery boyfriend it can bring out a lot of obessing and anxiety.
something i remember is that people in recovery often have had or are near a rock bottom. not necesarily sympathy, but ... just as someone told me regarding my active addict/alcoholic xbf, he is sicker than i will ever know.
i cant tell you what to do but i know from experience that reading, posting CONSTANTLY on the boards (even if you say the same thing over and over), and seeing a counselor helped. i also tried to direct some of that negative energy into something positive that was constructive and helped with the anxiety- such as running. and reading, again.
i wish you all the best and were always here for more posts. dont feel bad about the length of your post, either. keep writing. get it all out.
anyway, stay strong. i hope you will stick around the board and nar anon. hopefully between here and there you will find people who have been there and share experience, hope, and strength. good luck and take care.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Good advice above. My husband too is an opiate addict - albeit "functioning"
He has serious issues, the issues do not stem from his opiate abuse, his opiate abuse is a direct symptom from his issues.
In my case, my XAH has no emotional reserves whatsoever. He almost lost his business over a girlfriend once before, and after I left him he was even worse. People who have long marriages/relationships don't react the way he, and others like him, did. Talk about emotional blackmail! His emotional inability to cope with life is screaming, yelling, shouting in bright neon to the world - and yet his family enables him.
Naranon, keep posting and reading, do everything you need to, but mostly, even if it doesn't make sense or "feel" necessary - boundaries that you are able to keep and stick to them. Time takes time - take all the time you need to decide how and if this is something you can live with or not.
(((hugs)))
He has serious issues, the issues do not stem from his opiate abuse, his opiate abuse is a direct symptom from his issues.
In my case, my XAH has no emotional reserves whatsoever. He almost lost his business over a girlfriend once before, and after I left him he was even worse. People who have long marriages/relationships don't react the way he, and others like him, did. Talk about emotional blackmail! His emotional inability to cope with life is screaming, yelling, shouting in bright neon to the world - and yet his family enables him.
Naranon, keep posting and reading, do everything you need to, but mostly, even if it doesn't make sense or "feel" necessary - boundaries that you are able to keep and stick to them. Time takes time - take all the time you need to decide how and if this is something you can live with or not.
(((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 5
Thank you all for your replies. My ABF is coming home today, after only 16 days of detox/inpatient. There was an employee at the center who was selling drugs to the patients there. His parents decided to let him come home - to intensive outpatient treatment, and basically house arrest with constant supervision until the remainder of his 28 days are done. Then they will begin letting him have some freedom and start earning back some of their trust.
It's hard to say if someone is better off in a corrupt treatment center, or at home where he can continue treatment, while starting to re-adjust to his "new" life. He was not happy or comfortable at the treatment center. He is coming home today, neither his parents nor I feel ready yet, and I do not believe that my ABF is either.
But, I know that eventually, it comes down to his choices and whether he will choose to sink or swim. I've read that the best thing to do for both me and him is to have "hands off the addict". This is going to be a true test of my own will as well as my ABF's.
On a side note, does anyone know how an employee would "sell" drugs to patients in a facility, who have at most $50 with them? Does it come down to prostitution? Luckily, my ABF didn't take any, they did test him, so that is a small positive that I am trying to focus on in this crazy situation that is coming too fast.
It's hard to say if someone is better off in a corrupt treatment center, or at home where he can continue treatment, while starting to re-adjust to his "new" life. He was not happy or comfortable at the treatment center. He is coming home today, neither his parents nor I feel ready yet, and I do not believe that my ABF is either.
But, I know that eventually, it comes down to his choices and whether he will choose to sink or swim. I've read that the best thing to do for both me and him is to have "hands off the addict". This is going to be a true test of my own will as well as my ABF's.
On a side note, does anyone know how an employee would "sell" drugs to patients in a facility, who have at most $50 with them? Does it come down to prostitution? Luckily, my ABF didn't take any, they did test him, so that is a small positive that I am trying to focus on in this crazy situation that is coming too fast.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 149
i think most of them are currpt, or have people selling drugs . i dont know how, but i do have friends that work as counselors and nurses, and it just seems theres always some rumor etc. of people selling.
i dont know what theyre getting in return either...
i dont know what theyre getting in return either...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Hello Batz. I'm the wife of a recovering meth addict. He's been sober over a year now, but it's taking longer to heal the damaged trust.
I'm sorry you're in this situation and it IS so hard to rebuild that trust. I still struggle with that every single day. Some days are worse than others. I will say that it's gotten easier for me, though I think more of that has to do with me following the steps myself (for co-dependency and nar-anon.)
It's a vicious cycle. In a sense, I would be happy he was starting recovery. Part of me was even glad to have him out of the house and have peace in my sanctuary. Another part would start to hope, then feel foolish for hoping, then beat myself up for hoping, then on and on. I realized that it's ok to hope, but you have to balance that hope with the possibility that he may relapse.
What I can offer you insofar as advice is to keep the lines of communication open. I had to learn how to relay my feelings, hurt, bitterness and anger to him w/o being on the offense. We stumbled a few times. I messed up. He messed up, but we always came back together and talked it out. Now, I can tell him, "Hey, I had a dream last night you were using and it was terrible. I still get so afraid," and he'll listen and not let it get to him (his biggest issue lately is the guilt.)
We aren't perfect, but this has helped.
We have to set boundaries as well. What are we willing to accept in the other person? What is "crossing the line?"
You have a good audience here and a good support system. Keep us updated and let us know how the meeting went.
:ghug
I'm sorry you're in this situation and it IS so hard to rebuild that trust. I still struggle with that every single day. Some days are worse than others. I will say that it's gotten easier for me, though I think more of that has to do with me following the steps myself (for co-dependency and nar-anon.)
It's a vicious cycle. In a sense, I would be happy he was starting recovery. Part of me was even glad to have him out of the house and have peace in my sanctuary. Another part would start to hope, then feel foolish for hoping, then beat myself up for hoping, then on and on. I realized that it's ok to hope, but you have to balance that hope with the possibility that he may relapse.
What I can offer you insofar as advice is to keep the lines of communication open. I had to learn how to relay my feelings, hurt, bitterness and anger to him w/o being on the offense. We stumbled a few times. I messed up. He messed up, but we always came back together and talked it out. Now, I can tell him, "Hey, I had a dream last night you were using and it was terrible. I still get so afraid," and he'll listen and not let it get to him (his biggest issue lately is the guilt.)
We aren't perfect, but this has helped.
We have to set boundaries as well. What are we willing to accept in the other person? What is "crossing the line?"
You have a good audience here and a good support system. Keep us updated and let us know how the meeting went.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am glad you are going to a meeting. i am glad his mom is going. it is tough loving an addict. work on your recovery. there is nothing u can do for him. he alone has got to do it. keep coming back. prayers,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Bartz...
Welcome to SR. This place saved my life when I stumbled upon it almost 4 years ago. Lots of good advice before me.
The addict in my life is my exhusband. He wasn't an addict when I married him. He decided it might be cool to give heroin a try when he was 38 years old and our son was just 2 years old.
I remember the first time he went into rehab...I remember my stomach was in knots when his time to get out drew near. I was so ANGRY at him and so scared that he would relapse and such a wreck. I tried to be so supportive although what I really wanted to do was strangle him to death for all of the lies, hurt, betrayal and financial ruin he brought down upon our marriage. I was so caught up in helping him that I neglected myself in the process. I put up with things I should have never put up with...all in the name of being a 'loving' and 'supportive' wife. I didn't realize how truly powerless I was over the situation.
Getting the drugs out of his system is step one...he has a long way to go towards recovery. Learning to live without the drugs is the biggest part of the battle. My best advice to you is to let him figure things out on his own...put up boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate from him...and try to put all of your love and energy into yourself. YOu've got a lot of healing to do. All the lies and betrayal leave some pretty deep scars and it takes time for them to heal.
As someone who had a child with an addict and had to divorce him...my best advice is to think long and hard about whether you really want to build a life with someone like your bf. I'm sure he's a great guy when he's straight...All of our addicts have some really great qualities...but addiction is a life long battle and the possiblity of relapse will ALWAYS lurk in the background. Only you can decide if your bf and this relationship is worth taking on this kind of a risk.
Welcome again to SR...I hope you stick around and share this journey of recovery with us.
Welcome to SR. This place saved my life when I stumbled upon it almost 4 years ago. Lots of good advice before me.
The addict in my life is my exhusband. He wasn't an addict when I married him. He decided it might be cool to give heroin a try when he was 38 years old and our son was just 2 years old.
I remember the first time he went into rehab...I remember my stomach was in knots when his time to get out drew near. I was so ANGRY at him and so scared that he would relapse and such a wreck. I tried to be so supportive although what I really wanted to do was strangle him to death for all of the lies, hurt, betrayal and financial ruin he brought down upon our marriage. I was so caught up in helping him that I neglected myself in the process. I put up with things I should have never put up with...all in the name of being a 'loving' and 'supportive' wife. I didn't realize how truly powerless I was over the situation.
Getting the drugs out of his system is step one...he has a long way to go towards recovery. Learning to live without the drugs is the biggest part of the battle. My best advice to you is to let him figure things out on his own...put up boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate from him...and try to put all of your love and energy into yourself. YOu've got a lot of healing to do. All the lies and betrayal leave some pretty deep scars and it takes time for them to heal.
As someone who had a child with an addict and had to divorce him...my best advice is to think long and hard about whether you really want to build a life with someone like your bf. I'm sure he's a great guy when he's straight...All of our addicts have some really great qualities...but addiction is a life long battle and the possiblity of relapse will ALWAYS lurk in the background. Only you can decide if your bf and this relationship is worth taking on this kind of a risk.
Welcome again to SR...I hope you stick around and share this journey of recovery with us.
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