ellima01

well, this is ah second day laying out of work, puked in the garage several times last nite-did he clean it-no he just got this job and is making prevailing wagw (33$ hour), more $ than he's ever made- and he is going to get fired- what a selfish ass he is (sorry) but he is. I cant pay our bills alone- does he care? no. Im sick of his crap.

ToughChoices

Ugh.
That sucks.

I remember how I would often feel "morning after" anxiety when he drank.

Taking steps to recover my independence (financial and emotional) from my husband so that his drinking bouts wouldn't threaten me in such a direct way any longer was really helpful for me.

I had painted myself into a corner, relying on an unreliable man to take care of me. What can you do to take some power back? He's not doing doing a good job with it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this - I've been there - I know the crazy-making anger.

Hugs to you today.
-TC

ellima01

im just mad- I make good money- but not enough to pay for our "dream" house we bought in may - not much of a dream anymore. The economy the way it is- not much chance of selling it right now. I owned a little house (free and clear) when AH and I met, I lost my first husband to cancer and spent all my life insurance on a house for me and my son- well,we sold that house and put all the $ toward this new house- so if we divorce and I sell- I loose 1/2 the equity I put in this house- how about that for painting yourself in a corner. Another thing is AH and I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and as sick as this is- if he's here I have more control over hisdealings with her than I would if the courts let him have her (ALONE) every other weekend to drive drunk with her in the car or whatever he pleases. Here, I don't let him take her anywhere and I try to shield her from his craziness- If she were alone with the drunk - I would go nuts.
He hasn't had any legal trouble in quite a while- so the courts Im pretty sure would gie him unsupervised visits - can't handle that- stuck is what i am

ToughChoices

An opportunity for new dreams?

I have a small child, too, so I know the uncertainty of the alcoholic parenting situation.

Have you spoken to a lawyer? I walked away from my legal meeting with a very clear sense of what I could expect in the way of visitation. She gave me some excellent advice for separation preparation to ensure that my child was in responsible hands.

I was scared - knowing the facts actually relieved a lot of my fear.

This can be done. It is challenging, but rewarding.
Good luck to you.
-TC

JustMeInWI

(((ellima)))

One thing that made me crazy was assuming how things would go if I did this or that. I agree with ToughChoices - legal advise is free. Call around and meet with a lawyer (or a few) to get your questions answered from a legal standpoint. You'd might be pleasantly surprised to find out that your little girl and you could be much better off than you think. Don't give up without even asking questions first - that's what got all of us into the messes we're now trying to figure our way out of.

You know what they say about assumptions

(((ellima)))
- "JustMe"

Barbara52

Talking to an attorney will give you the facts of your situation, not yor fears as to what may happen. The facts will allow you to make decisions and plan from a position of strength. I know it looks dark right now but arm yourself with knowledge and it can improve.