monkey1

Hi all,

I'm new here but have been reading for a few weeks. Been sober in the past and screwed that up... for the past 14 years. So, now I've got some pretty good medical problems due to my drinking and yet I KEEP DOING IT! I know I have to stop, I've tried to stop, I just can't seem to string the days together like I used to. Oh, yeah... and I really just don't WANT to. My life is not unmanageable (oh, does that sound like denial?) - its not perfect, but I get up, put my shoes on and show up...and actually do my job and function, and smile/laugh have fun too. BUT, it is now about maintaining life not managing it, I guess.

There are mental/trauma/ocd issues that contribute to this, I'm sure, and I am trying to find a counselor to work with.

I went to a dr. appointment tonight and the wait was so long I actually ended up with the shakes by the time I saw the Dr. She was very uncomfortable with this and wanted me to go to the ER. Really, its not that big a deal, it is minor symptoms of withdrawal. She demands to speak with my pdoc tomorrow... geez, I feel like the principal is calling my mom.

So, anyway, I HAVE to quit. I hope I'll have the strength to do something this week because I have to see her again next week for an update. I am a people-pleaser and it kills me to be truthful and let her see what is really going on.

I'm also sincerely embarrassed that I am writing here saying that I am still active. But I hope to not be soon, and to give support as I grow stronger.

Just ever hate yourself? I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.

Thanks for listening.

least

You don't ever have to go thru this again. This can be your last time as a slave to alcohol. Read and post as you need to, and know that the SR family is in your corner.

Welcome!:ghug3

TTOSBT

Yes, I have been there.
Welcome DShea!
You will be glad you came here.
I do have to say though that you need to see your doctor for help to quit. You have physical withdrawal symptoms that are going to be painful if not downright dangerous to quit by yourself. Do not be ashamed to ask for help. You are worth it!
I can guarantee you that if your life is as good as you say it is now, it is going to be AMAZING if you put that energy towards recovery.
We are here to listen and support.

monkey1

Thank you, both, Least and TTOSBT, for the welcome and advice.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community

I did not actually quit until I read a book
"Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham
that convinced me to stop.

We have exceprts ...the 2nd sticky post in our Alcoholism Forum.

Good to see a new member...

TryingSoHard

Welcome to SR!

This part of your post worries me the most. The doc knows what she's talking about. If she got worried, that should be a big red flag to you. Please, please, please remember that there is only one YOU. Do what you need to do to get healthy.

Let that be the least of your worries. This is a support site, it's what we're here for. And I think we're pretty darn good at it. Give us a shot.

Oh, most definitely. I know that feeling all too well. But I have to admit, it's been a lot less intense, and happening a lot less often, since I quit drinking 69 days ago.

Best wishes for you. Please keep us posted, and definitely keep reading.
TSH

Thanks for listening.[/QUOTE]

ericamay

Hey there darlin. As everyone has said, we are here for you. Stop hating yourself. Does that really help you feel better and want to quit? No. I doubt it. Just realize everything in your life has happened for a reason, and now the signs are telling you to change your life, or you may not have much of one to fight for. You are obviously wanting to quit, so let's start now!! We are all here.

monkey1

Thank you all for the warm welcome and advice.

I'm still not good at this interacting thing. I'll try again later. I am considering detox, maybe.

Congrats on 69 days TSH!

dirtyjerz08

Welcome, it is very hard to admit one has a problem. Or even might have a problem. For me having health problems a young guy shouldn't have, and waking up with the shakes every morning were some pretty big signs that I needed to stop. I didn't stop right then unfortunately, it took a lot more horrible things to happen. I hated myself, and cursed God for waking me up every day. The good news is you never have to feel the way you are feeling again, and there are plenty of people here to help. Best of luck and God bless.

monkey1

Thanks man, I really do appreciate your response.

bumble2008123

What are you doing? Taking steps to better your life. You can do this!

Philly

I too had health problems but that did not stop me from drinking either. I was sort of forced into rehab by my employer. My kids were looking into intervention also. I only had alcohol in my system 2 times while at work and on the 2nd time they smelled it. I am a professional so this was so not me. I think I was probably right on the cusp of drinking daily. If I would have continued drinking it would have happened within a year. Anyway I do believe everything happens for a reason. I was in inpatient rehab for 10 days and then out patient for 2 months. The insurance would not pay for more inpatient because I didn't drink everyday. So long story short ( too late ) I would suggest going into rehab if that is an option and at the very least detox. I have seen people in rehab and have heard many stories of detoxing and under medical supervision is the way to go.