arthur

Hi Guys,
I'm 23 months sober and tonight i am having an impossable time. It's been a real long time since I thought about drinking but tonight is just one of those nights. I v'e been married for 15 years and I have 5 great kids a wife that doesn't understand me and now is telling me that she wants a divorce. Her reasons are that I lied to her all these years about my drinking so whats not stopping me about lying about anything else. I accept the drinking issue but to lie about everything else? That's not me. I have put so much work and energy into my marrage it is very hard to see it fizzle away. I guess the only good thing is that i am going through this sober now so i guess that is why i am feeling all this pain. I have a successful business alot of great friends I'm good at most things i put my mind to. I guess i just cant get my marrage right.Sorry for rambling on I just had to get this off my chest. Its better then picking up a drink. Thanks for reading.

Stubborn1

Glad you came here first. Ok here is my experience. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and there are times I flip. I don't know why. I have triggers too. He will do something that sets me off and I will doubt him.
I feel I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.
So my advice is to ask her to sit down and talk to you. Ask her "do you want to tell me what you are really thinking and why?"......."did I do something to make you feel this way and how can I change this so you feel better?" "Do we need to set aside some time for ourselves like a date so you know I still care about you?"
Sometimes we just need validated.
You CAN get your marriage right. In fact, by coming here you are doing a hell of a lot better then most men.
Please tell her how YOU feel as well. Hopefully she will hear you.Let her know you feel your marriage is fizzeling away. She may not realize you feel that way. Decide if you both want to hold the marriage together and figure out what it is that you both need.

A marriage is work. You both have to grow together even if it's in seperate ways in your own path. You have to meet in the middle. Let her know you are feeling critisized and not good enough and you are really upset about this.
You are entitled to voice your opinion. Just because you screwed up before doesn't mean you are a doormat. You don't deserve to feel unappreciated.
I hope you have a good heart to heart. I'll say a prayer for ya'll.

Ananda

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Never been exactly where you are, but I do know that it can be tough to go through the hard stuff sober.

Yeah...ultimately a drink would make it worse...but sometimes feels like it would.

Take a deep breath and keep on posting.

I do believe that if I stay sober through that hard stuff I actually go through it and come out on the other side. When I drank it seemed like whatever the bad feelings were like pain and sorrow....because i drank through them they just stayed with me and colored my life over and over and over again.

I was told to stay sober no matter what, cause no matter what sometimes happens.....and also to remember...the best is ALWAYS yet to come.

Hang in their friend!:ghug

least

I am sorry you're going thru this pain. Drinking would only make it worse, as you know, but it's hard to have to go thru such misery.

:ghug3

Pelican

Congratulations on 23 months sober!

That is awesome.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. The news from your wife must have hit like a brick.

I don't have any words of wisdom. I'm early into my sobriety and I am married to my drinking partner of 14 years. I'm 106 days sober and doing this alone. Just wanted you to know that we care about you!

Jakey

Thanks for sharing arthur! Don't give up hope, stay positive and maybe things will turn around.

Anna

Hi Arthur,

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time.

Is it possible that your wife would consider marriage counselling?

I am sending positive throughts and prayers your way.

Tryingto

Best wishes Arthur. It's really hard. Have you tried counseling? It's helped my relationship.

coffeenut

Arthur, you can't control what your wife is thinking. Marriage is a two way street, it's not just you that isn't getting it. Someone else suggested counseling, will she go?

Welcome to SR. Keep reading. Try the friends and family forum, too.

Awesome job on 23 months sober! That is HUGE!

nickishine

My prayers are with you, friend!

So sorry that you're having to deal with this! Please keep reaching out and posting. I know you know the solution isn't in the bottle. There's hope!

Hugs,
Nicki:sorry

sicilia1414

Hi arthur, I am so sorry about your situation. I am new to this whole recovery thing, I'm only 9 days sober, and I went to my first AA meeting the other day. A man in AA was talking to me and he was telling me his situation. he said - "nicole, I am proud that you have decided to get sober. I do not want you to pity me, but I just want to tell you this. My wife and I have lost our jobs and will be homeless tomorrow living in our car if we don't find the money to pay our rent."

he said he was telling me this so I realized that just because you get sober your problems don't go away, in fact they sometimes seem worse because we are sober.

I am learning that life will probably be harder now that I don't have alcohol to turn to, but at the end of the day I will be stronger.

You can and will get thru this. Please continue to post on here, it really does help.

CarolD

Mega

arthur

sicilia,
Congrats on 9 days sober!!!! That's huge my friend. Believe me the first few months are the hardest but as time goes on it gets a little easier. I just take one day at a time. You are right though, posting does help. What happens to my marrage I don't know but atleast i know that whatever happens I will be sober through it and deal with it.Thank you for your support.