i confronted; drugs and libido; hair test

Old 12-08-2008, 01:36 PM
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i confronted; drugs and libido; hair test

I brought up the drugs with my gf and i got the same story i expected to get. She said she hasn't used in a long time (heroin, crack, coke), that people are blowing it way out of proportion, she woudn't hide anything from me, she is not an addict. but she does need to use weed as a crutch now because of her living situation and that she felt it was like i was hoping to find something.

i had to go out for a few hours and picked her up about 10 or so. she said she had just smoked some really good weed and was realy high. that was all believable. by about 12 she was really turned on. i rarely see her get this way and we basically stayed up till 5:30. it was a great night, but on and off i was thinking how coke really gets the libido going. i thought she miht have seemed too high for it to be just weed. then i thought maybe i am looking for things, but something still didnt feel right. i think i need to tell her i need to know what its like to hang out with her not high at at all- including pot. but the thing is i dont know if i can believe her even then. i want to tell her the only way for me to fully believe is to get her hair tested.
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Old 12-08-2008, 01:45 PM
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Yes. This is about you, not your girlfriend. Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you don't/can't trust? How miserable!
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Old 12-08-2008, 02:00 PM
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yes, that is true and i have wondered that at times. i guess right now i just want to know the truth. i want proof of the truth. i am normally a very trusting person, but when it comes to dealing with hard drugs, i know the lies and how they believe their own lies. the truth is so far concealed that the only way to really know is with physical proof. but even then i would just be waiting for the next time she would use.
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Old 12-08-2008, 02:11 PM
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Acceptance is tough Steve. But you seem like a smart guy. I'm thinking you know the truth don't you? Because otherwise, you wouldn't need a drug test to prove that what she is telling you is not a lie.

Q: How can you tell if an addict is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.

Addicts lie. That's what they do. So if she is using hard drugs, she will tell you she isn't (because that's what addicts do). And if she isn't using hard drugs, she will tell you she isn't.

So youre kind of stuck. Try looking at the big picture. Look at her actions. That is where the truth lies.

And in the mean time, I hope you are using lots of protection. Especially if she is using crack or heroin. Addicts aren't the most faithful bunch. And you can catch serious diseases like aids or herpes or hepatitis without giving it much thought. And then when asked, they lie and say that they don't have any diseases. Just like they lie and say that they don't use drugs.
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Old 12-08-2008, 04:00 PM
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I brought up the drugs with my gf and i got the same story i expected to get. She said she hasn't used in a long time (heroin, crack, coke), that people are blowing it way out of proportion, she woudn't hide anything from me, she is not an addict. but she does need to use weed as a crutch now because of her living situation and that she felt it was like i was hoping to find something.
There is your answer ....

Steve.. Weed IS A DRUG!!!!! and her needing to use it as a crutch shows me that she is dependent on it so that she does not have to face reality.. she is not just using weed.. she NEEDS weed.. chances are if she is smoking that much weed she is also using other drugs as well.. weed and recovering addicts or people that are trying to get clean are not a very good mix

i guess right now i just want to know the truth. i want proof of the truth.
You have the truth.. how much more proof do you need.. stop searching for it...the writing is on the wall..
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Old 12-08-2008, 04:15 PM
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She's an addict, no mystery here. I just pray that your "proof" doesn't come in a sexually transmitted disease or worse, some poor innocent baby that is born addicted.

Wake up and smell the coffee, Steve, even the sex part can take you down with her.

Hugs
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Old 12-08-2008, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
She's an addict, no mystery here. I just pray that your "proof" doesn't come in a sexually transmitted disease or worse, some poor innocent baby that is born addicted.

Wake up and smell the coffee, Steve, even the sex part can take you down with her.
I'm glad you brought that up, Ann.

Had I gone home to my still using husband when I got out of rehab, I would have contracted HIV from him. He got it from another female while I was in rehab.

He was buried last year at the age of 47 from complications due to AIDS.

Addiction kills in more ways than one, and you don't even have to be the one using drugs either.
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Old 12-08-2008, 07:44 PM
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Ok, I usually don't say anything that could be construed as "too harsh"... but I'm just going to say what I think when I read this.

A PARENT has the right and OBLIGATION to ask a child (under 18 who resides in their home) to do a drug test, hair test whatever.....

If you are in a relationship and you are at this point - I think you should ask yourself what the heck you are doing- to be frank.

I am not saying close your eyes, what I am saying is that you already know the answer and if you are not sure---- then you still know the answer because there is no trust/stability etc.

I KNOW my bf is useing. I KNOW when he is high, I know when he says "oh i just had a few drinks... " bla bla bla.

Choosing to stay in a relationship with an active addict is like beating your head against a cement wall..... all you are going to do is hurt yourself. I hear in your post that YOU are actually GAINING something from this dysfunction. Question your self esteem, if a strong healthy, sexy, fun, intellegent woman who didn't NEED you or cause you drama was in your life, what would you do?????

It seems that in a twisted way- (regardless if you see it or not) you in fact have to come to terms that you are EQUALLY addicted.... just not to drugs. (drama, need, turmoil).

Respect and trust are the fundamentals in a relationship, you said the other day in an earlier post this relationship is a recycle of the old relationship when you dated her and had issues with her before, and it wasn't a long term committment??? Ask yourself why you are going there.......

Just for the record, I have been in a LONG term relationship that has turned out to be me living with an addict. (I didn't know it for a long while) I'm working on getting out,
HOWEVER at least I know I have an issue asking him to leave.

I TRUELY mean well.... please understand, that sometimes you really need to look at the truth......

I hope you find peace and happiness,
Cessy
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Old 12-08-2008, 11:32 PM
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again, thanks for all the replies. i did get myself tested and fortunately everything is ok.

cessy- i appreciate the frankness in your reply. usually i am drama free, so when you ask "if a strong healthy, sexy, fun, intellegent woman who didn't NEED you or cause you drama was in your life, what would you do????" ...i'd be happy!!! i guess i let her back in my life thinking there could have been a change, but i feel myself being sucked back into something toxic or just not what is right for me. i just really dislike hurting someone and i know this will hurt her.
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Old 12-09-2008, 02:59 AM
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i just really dislike hurting someone
Does this statement include you too?
Or is it ok to continue to hurt yourself?
If so, what's that telling you?

Shalom!
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:18 AM
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Originally Posted by steve137 View Post
i feel myself being sucked back into something toxic or just not what is right for me.
YES you are being sucked into something that is toxic... Now you have to ask yourself the question WHY? Why are you being sucked in? It's not your GF that is sucking you in... the problem lies with you.. For some reason you feel responsible for this person's happiness. For some reason you feel like you have to rescue someone that quite frankly does not want to be rescued.

You need to ask yourself why you have found yourself in a relationship such as this one.. Healthy people do not get into relationships with addicts or otherwise toxic people.. There is always some underlying issue in us that makes us choose someone that we can fix, rescue, take care of or just feel responsible for their happiness...

Steve, I urge you to pick up the book Codependent No More and read every single page... you will find a lot of answers in that book.
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Old 12-09-2008, 01:11 PM
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i have read that before but will take a look at it again. thanks
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