OT Just need to hear something positive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
OT Just need to hear something positive
Hi everyone,
I have been having a really hard time and this feels like the only place I can ever find peace. If you've read my posts you know my story and that I'm In kind of a crappy situation. Recently I had some problems at the pain clinic I go to which resulted in me having to call administration because I am so tired of being kicked around by these so called doctors.
The one nurse I have seen twice treated me like I was a piece of garbage and didn't even care what happened to me. She really should not even be a nurse.
The woman in administration I spoke with was very nice but she did tell me flat out that because i am on medicaid, and they pay for nothing, I won't be able to get any beneficial treatments for my pain. I told her, and she agreed, that even if this is so I should not have to be treated like that.
This has been going on for most of my life and I always knew it was because of medicaid. I just never had a person in a position such as hers (head of nursing practices) Tell me that in such a matter-of-fact way. I thanked her for being honest but I really feel like I don't see any point in trying anymore.
I have exhausted all my possibilities as far as I can see and all of my energy. I'm very low right now and feeling like nothing really matters.
My attempts at starting my own business never get off the ground regardless of how much work I put in. I can hardly function at my job anymore. I can't sleep. The pain is so bad that I want to destroy things...anything...and my shrink is a moron.
I have no idea what to do next. I have already gone to school, got a degree,but It's getting to the point where I can't do that work anymore. I have been playing phone tag with a case worker for two weeks now. I have conflicting letters from disability. One says I am ok, the other says they are cutting me off...there are five of these letters and no reply from the person I was told to call. I had to write a letter to the office asking for them to explain. Sent it last week.. still no reply.
I live in limbo. I would really like to be able to see the positive side of any of this never ending bullcrap!!!!!
I am pretty much the only one in my whole family that didn't turn to drugs and alcohol to cope but I wonder what difference it really makes anymore.
I just needed to vent
Thanks guys
I have been having a really hard time and this feels like the only place I can ever find peace. If you've read my posts you know my story and that I'm In kind of a crappy situation. Recently I had some problems at the pain clinic I go to which resulted in me having to call administration because I am so tired of being kicked around by these so called doctors.
The one nurse I have seen twice treated me like I was a piece of garbage and didn't even care what happened to me. She really should not even be a nurse.
The woman in administration I spoke with was very nice but she did tell me flat out that because i am on medicaid, and they pay for nothing, I won't be able to get any beneficial treatments for my pain. I told her, and she agreed, that even if this is so I should not have to be treated like that.
This has been going on for most of my life and I always knew it was because of medicaid. I just never had a person in a position such as hers (head of nursing practices) Tell me that in such a matter-of-fact way. I thanked her for being honest but I really feel like I don't see any point in trying anymore.
I have exhausted all my possibilities as far as I can see and all of my energy. I'm very low right now and feeling like nothing really matters.
My attempts at starting my own business never get off the ground regardless of how much work I put in. I can hardly function at my job anymore. I can't sleep. The pain is so bad that I want to destroy things...anything...and my shrink is a moron.
I have no idea what to do next. I have already gone to school, got a degree,but It's getting to the point where I can't do that work anymore. I have been playing phone tag with a case worker for two weeks now. I have conflicting letters from disability. One says I am ok, the other says they are cutting me off...there are five of these letters and no reply from the person I was told to call. I had to write a letter to the office asking for them to explain. Sent it last week.. still no reply.
I live in limbo. I would really like to be able to see the positive side of any of this never ending bullcrap!!!!!
I am pretty much the only one in my whole family that didn't turn to drugs and alcohol to cope but I wonder what difference it really makes anymore.
I just needed to vent
Thanks guys
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Thursday, September 18, 2008
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting the Good Stuff Happen
Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!
--Anonymous
I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid it won't be. Sometimes, I'm frightened it might be.
The good stuff can scare us. Change, even good change, can be frightening. In some ways, good changes can be more frightening than the hard times.
The past, particularly before recovery, may have become comfortably familiar. We knew what to expect in our relationships. They were predictable. They were repeats of the same pattern - the same behaviors, the same pain, over and over again. They may not have been what we wanted, but we knew what was going to happen.
This is not so when we change patterns and begins recovering.
We may have been fairly good at predicting events in most areas of our life. Relationships would be painful. We'd be deprived.
Each year would be almost a repeat of the last. Sometimes it got a little worse, sometimes a little better, but the change wasn't drastic. Not until the moment when we began recovery.
Then things changed. And the further we progress in this miraculous program, the more we and or circumstances change. We begin to explore uncharted territory.
Things get good. They do get better all the time. We begin to become successful in love, in work, in life. One day at a time, the good stuff begins to happen and the misery dissipates.
We no longer want to be a victim of life. We've learned to avoid unnecessary crisis and trauma.
Life gets good.
"How do I handle the good stuff?" asked one woman. It's harder and more foreign than the pain and tragedy."
"The same way we handled the difficult and the painful experiences," I replied. "One day at a time."
Today, God, help me let go of my need to be in pain and crisis. Help me move as swiftly as possible through sad feelings and problems. Help me find my base and balance in peace, joy, and gratitude. Help me work as hard at accepting what's good, as I have worked in the past at accepting the painful and the difficult.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting the Good Stuff Happen
Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!
--Anonymous
I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid it won't be. Sometimes, I'm frightened it might be.
The good stuff can scare us. Change, even good change, can be frightening. In some ways, good changes can be more frightening than the hard times.
The past, particularly before recovery, may have become comfortably familiar. We knew what to expect in our relationships. They were predictable. They were repeats of the same pattern - the same behaviors, the same pain, over and over again. They may not have been what we wanted, but we knew what was going to happen.
This is not so when we change patterns and begins recovering.
We may have been fairly good at predicting events in most areas of our life. Relationships would be painful. We'd be deprived.
Each year would be almost a repeat of the last. Sometimes it got a little worse, sometimes a little better, but the change wasn't drastic. Not until the moment when we began recovery.
Then things changed. And the further we progress in this miraculous program, the more we and or circumstances change. We begin to explore uncharted territory.
Things get good. They do get better all the time. We begin to become successful in love, in work, in life. One day at a time, the good stuff begins to happen and the misery dissipates.
We no longer want to be a victim of life. We've learned to avoid unnecessary crisis and trauma.
Life gets good.
"How do I handle the good stuff?" asked one woman. It's harder and more foreign than the pain and tragedy."
"The same way we handled the difficult and the painful experiences," I replied. "One day at a time."
Today, God, help me let go of my need to be in pain and crisis. Help me move as swiftly as possible through sad feelings and problems. Help me find my base and balance in peace, joy, and gratitude. Help me work as hard at accepting what's good, as I have worked in the past at accepting the painful and the difficult.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
P.S. I have a friend who has cfs, and she gave me a copy of this book:
The Chronic Pain Solution: Your Personal Path to Pain Relief (by N. M. D. Dillard)
I'm no doctor and this isn't advice, but my friend Beth claims she found a lot of relief with some of the stuff she found in there. I haven't read it yet but, well, maybe it'll help. Anything to keep you away from those doctors and nurses you describe...
The Chronic Pain Solution: Your Personal Path to Pain Relief (by N. M. D. Dillard)
I'm no doctor and this isn't advice, but my friend Beth claims she found a lot of relief with some of the stuff she found in there. I haven't read it yet but, well, maybe it'll help. Anything to keep you away from those doctors and nurses you describe...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
Astro: I appreciate your reply but I'm kinda confused about it. I'm not sure how to apply this to my situation. I have a chronic illness that is not expected to get better and insurance that does not pay for treatment. The problem is...just wishing it will go away won't make it better. I'm in physical pain. And I don't get one minute where it's not there from the moment I wake up til the time I pass out from exhaustion. Sorry, I'm sure you meant well. I'm not trying to be a jerk I'm just frustrated as all He!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
Givelove:
Thanks for the book suggestion. I can try to get it from the library. I agree with staying away from the doctors but disability forces me to be seen by them even though they do nothing to help. Can't really set any boundaries with the government right?
Thanks for the book suggestion. I can try to get it from the library. I agree with staying away from the doctors but disability forces me to be seen by them even though they do nothing to help. Can't really set any boundaries with the government right?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
:ghug :ghug
I know how you feel. I've been fighting for disability, and recently had to hire a new attorney.
I have MediKan, which is very limited coverage, and you don't even want me to get started on a rant on that.
Just know I will keep you in my prayers, okay?
I know how you feel. I've been fighting for disability, and recently had to hire a new attorney.
I have MediKan, which is very limited coverage, and you don't even want me to get started on a rant on that.
Just know I will keep you in my prayers, okay?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
(((loner))).....wanted to let you know that not ALL nurse are like the burnt out ones you've been dealing with. Healthcare is a frustrating business for everyone, and I agree that the insurance red tape adds more pain and stress to the patients that should be using their energies to heal.
Just wanted to send a long-distance hug from a nurse that is still in the business of caring.
Just wanted to send a long-distance hug from a nurse that is still in the business of caring.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
My apologies for a confusing post, not all of it applied to your situation, it was the last paragraph that I try to apply to most difficult situations in recovery Help me work as hard at accepting what's good, as I have worked in the past at accepting the painful and the difficult. In other words, I have to look for the gifts in even the most insignificant events.
I hope venting helps, and I also hope you have some positive things happen in your life soon.
I hope venting helps, and I also hope you have some positive things happen in your life soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by loner1968 
Givelove:
Thanks for the book suggestion. I can try to get it from the library. I agree with staying away from the doctors but disability forces me to be seen by them even though they do nothing to help. Can't really set any boundaries with the government right?
Thanks for the book suggestion. I can try to get it from the library. I agree with staying away from the doctors but disability forces me to be seen by them even though they do nothing to help. Can't really set any boundaries with the government right?
No, at this moment you probably can't stop seeing them and I'd never suggest that. But if it makes it so you have to see them less, or (heaven forbid) allows you some stray moments or hours of pain relief in your day that let you see hope again, then I'm still happy I shared it. Beth does seem like a more contented person, so who knows......
I love the library. I swear, I don't pay for books any more. If they don't have it on the shelf, try Interlibrary Loan (ask the reference desk) (yes, I work at a library
)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
