Language of Letting Go - Dec. 8 -Valuing Our Needs
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Dec. 8 -Valuing Our Needs
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Valuing Our Needs
When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better.
Maybe others taught us it wasn't polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don't, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need. We may end the relationship because it doesn't meet our needs.
Intimacy and closeness are only possible in a relationship when both people can say what they want and need. Sustained intimacy demands this.
Sometimes, we may even have to demand what we want. That's called setting a boundary. We do this not to control another person, but to gain control of our life.
Our attitude toward our needs is important too. We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously. When we begin to place value and importance on our needs we'll see a remarkable change. Our wants and needs will begin to get met.
Today, I will respect the wants and needs of others and myself. I will tell others, my Higher Power, and myself what I want and need. I will listen to what they want and need too.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Valuing Our Needs
When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better.
Maybe others taught us it wasn't polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don't, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need. We may end the relationship because it doesn't meet our needs.
Intimacy and closeness are only possible in a relationship when both people can say what they want and need. Sustained intimacy demands this.
Sometimes, we may even have to demand what we want. That's called setting a boundary. We do this not to control another person, but to gain control of our life.
Our attitude toward our needs is important too. We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously. When we begin to place value and importance on our needs we'll see a remarkable change. Our wants and needs will begin to get met.
Today, I will respect the wants and needs of others and myself. I will tell others, my Higher Power, and myself what I want and need. I will listen to what they want and need too.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I had to learn to vocalize my needs.
For a long time I would presume that anyone with an ounce of sense would know they had to share in the housework, for instance. Then I would seethe when they did not. Learning to express my needs, I made out a list and assigned each person at least 3 chores. It was a beginning.
Also, I am the kind of person who values solitude once in a while, just quiet time by myself. I would get angry when others would intrude on my time...because they thought I might be "lonely". Until I learned to express my need for solitude, it was hard to find any.
Most times it was as simple as just saying so. Sometimes I had to make a boundary and stick to it, meeting resistance at first but as long as I stuck to my part, people began to understand that I valued my needs and that they must be respected.
Try it today, just one need, say it out loud and make sure they hear it and you may be surprised how others react.
Hugs
For a long time I would presume that anyone with an ounce of sense would know they had to share in the housework, for instance. Then I would seethe when they did not. Learning to express my needs, I made out a list and assigned each person at least 3 chores. It was a beginning.
Also, I am the kind of person who values solitude once in a while, just quiet time by myself. I would get angry when others would intrude on my time...because they thought I might be "lonely". Until I learned to express my need for solitude, it was hard to find any.
Most times it was as simple as just saying so. Sometimes I had to make a boundary and stick to it, meeting resistance at first but as long as I stuck to my part, people began to understand that I valued my needs and that they must be respected.
Try it today, just one need, say it out loud and make sure they hear it and you may be surprised how others react.
Hugs
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