ellima01

I think my last post was in june of this year- I believe I was talking about how my AH had been sober longer than he'd ever been- going to meetings, woking the program- we'd just bought our dream house - well all that went to hell in a handbasket. He decided in late June- probably right after my post that "drinking a beer would taste good" well it has been on from there folks. Here I am living in this crap once again. He told me tonight he's tired of me and has been for a while that I "need to be living in a trailer park because that's about my speed" whatever that means-I think that is supposed to mean he's better than me or something I decorated our xmas tree today and thats what set this tantrum off- evidentally I didn't do it to his specifiactions.
I am tired of being talked to like I am a dog- which is most days lately. When he's not talking to e crappy- he's acting like nothing ever happened. I just don't getit- I 've tried arguing,ignoring, talking begging,- you get the picture- and still I loose my peace each time
Maryann

Barbara52

Sorry you are back in the midst of the madness. What do you want to do about it?

FormerDoormat

One of the factors in my decision to end my relationship with Richard was the relapse factor. It seems to be nearly impossible for alcoholics to achieve life-long sobriety. I can't live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

ellima01

I don't know what I want anymore.I just want to stop feeling the way I feel- bad.

denny57

Stick around long enough and maybe you'll get to where he forbids the tree. That was the last 3 Christmases in my marriage. Oh, he didn't say "I forbid you" to have a tree, but he was so miserable about having it and critical of it, I made the choice to forego it. I guess I thought that would lead him to be happy and get sober.

I'm sorry to hear about the relapse. I don't think I could handle the rollercoaster ride.

ellima01

It seems like it ALWAYS gets so much worse around the holidays-anyone else experience that phenomenon?

FormerDoormat

No, it just gets worse. It has nothing to do with the holidays.

Kimmieh

Is there any way you can remove yourself from this situation for just a week or two to get some peace and quiet and think about what you want? I always think that while I am caught up in the madness, it sort of sucks me in and terrible things become disturbingly normal. But when I step out and look from the outside in, I become more determined to make life better for myself.

I am sorry you are going through this. Shattered hope can be so heartbreaking.

baileyboop

Sending hugs your way. I am in agreement with all the posts above, but Former Doormat hit a spot with me-the relapse factor.
There were actually several times that my XAH would abstain from alcohol and at least twice that I can remember where it appreared as though he was working a program. I would almost hit a point where I would relax some and even brag on him. Then when the relapse was in full swing, I felt like an idiot. Toward the end, even if it appeared at the moment that things were going well, not only did I not give him credit, but I would even be sarcastic. It was like I was always still preparing myself for the next disaster. I am sure that I am fully trained for the Red Cross at this point. I go so good at hiding and dealing with diasters in my own life, till it flat wore me out. For me, the relapse factor is what propelled me to end my own relationship with the A. Sending prayers your way. I hope you find some relief soon.

jennygirl73

Sending my well wishes. I learned last week that this is for life. That scared me so bad! And he could be sober for 10 years and relapse. I don't know about you, but I am pretty sure (right now, could change in 10 minutes!) that I can't spend the rest of my life unsure if this will come around again.

genrs123

sending hope for you. i am sorry that someone is talking to you like that. you definitely do not deserve that.

inahaze

So many of our posts are soooo similiar...scary. No wonder there's so many reasons that our alcoholic-other halves feel so confident in their alcoholic state. There's plenty of support to make them right in their drinking states.

They're all very good at picking our "soft spots" to dig their talons into. The christmas tree, the in-laws, for me it's a combo of my dogs and parents/sibling. Whatever it is, it only seems to make them more right in their drinking....

Sad.

ellima01

thanks everyone for your input - I don't knowwhat is next but I know something has to change- if not for my mental health, for the mental health of my kids- I am just not sure how to take the next step.

GiveLove

I know, ellima. It sounds like what you want is to stop being made to feel like a piece of trash. Unfortunately, that takes a little work to put your foot down and get away from. Decide what kind of life you want - there are lots of resources for helping you figure out what you want for yourself. Books can be the easiest introduction to this way of thinking.....let us know if you would like to know the things we've read that helped us figure our next steps out.
:ghug3

freeflower

I wrote this down the other day. Someone on here included this in a thread....What would you do if you weren't afraid?.......Something to think about..I have been thinking about it alot. Big hug..really big hug!!!!!!!!!!!!

itiswhatitis...

ellima -

in a meeting last night people shared that stress can be more prevalent during the holiday's - i think that's pretty common actually, for everyone, n ot just the alcoholic...

but for myself, when i began putting the focus on myself and changing me - others in my life starting treating me differently - i can engage in quacking or i can let it roll off my back and decide where i want to establish a boundary for myself - it sounds so trite but sometimes the simplest things work the best - and as they say - *fake it til you make it* - i still can *engage* with the best of them - i can just *disengage* a lot quicker these days...

godspeed,
s