A year later, things are much better
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 108
A year later, things are much better
I posted here a bit about a year ago. What a difference a year makes.
Last year, we had recently found that my step-daughter was a heroin addict. She had gone from have a 3.2 GPA in college to withdrawing from all her classes. She had been in one rehab, but relapsed and walked out rather than go to detox. Soon she ended up in the psych ward of the hospital.
Now she's got three months sobriety, lives in a sober living house, and is the number one salesperson in the department store she works in.
After going to the psych ward, she went to three more rehabs. She left or was booted from all of them, four in total. She left the last one when we were on a trip. She had no place to go and was on the street for four days begging food and sleeping in an alley. It was the turning point for her. It was her bottom. She went back to out-patient treatment and moved into a sober living house. She's done very well since.
It's been a tough year, but things are so much better than they were. Her mom's birthday was last week. We took her mom out to a nice restaurant. She gave her mom a card telling her how much she loved her and that her mom was her best friend. She gave her some nice gifts that she had bought with her own money now that she has a job. What a contrast. On the last birthday, she had just relapsed and was calling her mom from rehab which she hated.
If I had to give advice to parents, I'd say, you only have as much power as the addict is willing to give you. In many cases, that's none at all. Most spouses have none. Most children have none. Addicts sometimes give parents a little. Very little. But often they too are given none.
We learned some valuable things from the counselors at her treatment center. First, say "I love you." A lot. It helps. It disarms them. They will try to make their addiction your fault. That's hard when you keep telling them you love them. Second, do not enable and don't give in to emotional blackmail. Third, don't rescue. But fourth, support their sobriety.
We always told her, we can't support her or allow her to live at home unless she was sober and in treatment. When she's using, she can't get out of bed in the morning and can't work, so she was dependent on us. If she relapsed, she would have to go back to rehab. When she walked out of the last rehab, we were on a trip. We could have come back early, but chose not to. (We didn't know where she was anyway.)
She could have chosen to become a hooker to support her habit and almost did. She talked to a pimp, but couldn't do it, changed her mind and came home.
She's not out of the woods and never will be. She will always be a recovering addict. There's always the chance that she will relapse. Three months is a good start, but it is still early recovery.
But still, her sobriety was the best birthday present she could have given her mom.
Last year, we had recently found that my step-daughter was a heroin addict. She had gone from have a 3.2 GPA in college to withdrawing from all her classes. She had been in one rehab, but relapsed and walked out rather than go to detox. Soon she ended up in the psych ward of the hospital.
Now she's got three months sobriety, lives in a sober living house, and is the number one salesperson in the department store she works in.
After going to the psych ward, she went to three more rehabs. She left or was booted from all of them, four in total. She left the last one when we were on a trip. She had no place to go and was on the street for four days begging food and sleeping in an alley. It was the turning point for her. It was her bottom. She went back to out-patient treatment and moved into a sober living house. She's done very well since.
It's been a tough year, but things are so much better than they were. Her mom's birthday was last week. We took her mom out to a nice restaurant. She gave her mom a card telling her how much she loved her and that her mom was her best friend. She gave her some nice gifts that she had bought with her own money now that she has a job. What a contrast. On the last birthday, she had just relapsed and was calling her mom from rehab which she hated.
If I had to give advice to parents, I'd say, you only have as much power as the addict is willing to give you. In many cases, that's none at all. Most spouses have none. Most children have none. Addicts sometimes give parents a little. Very little. But often they too are given none.
We learned some valuable things from the counselors at her treatment center. First, say "I love you." A lot. It helps. It disarms them. They will try to make their addiction your fault. That's hard when you keep telling them you love them. Second, do not enable and don't give in to emotional blackmail. Third, don't rescue. But fourth, support their sobriety.
We always told her, we can't support her or allow her to live at home unless she was sober and in treatment. When she's using, she can't get out of bed in the morning and can't work, so she was dependent on us. If she relapsed, she would have to go back to rehab. When she walked out of the last rehab, we were on a trip. We could have come back early, but chose not to. (We didn't know where she was anyway.)
She could have chosen to become a hooker to support her habit and almost did. She talked to a pimp, but couldn't do it, changed her mind and came home.
She's not out of the woods and never will be. She will always be a recovering addict. There's always the chance that she will relapse. Three months is a good start, but it is still early recovery.
But still, her sobriety was the best birthday present she could have given her mom.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hey, Andy, this is all good news. 3 months is over 90 days of miracles and each day she is clean is another. Good for you for letting go, and good for her for continuing to reach out for help no matter how many rehabs she had to visit.
Thank you for sharing your light, hope and inspiration here. We all can use that today.
Hugs
Thank you for sharing your light, hope and inspiration here. We all can use that today.
Hugs
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