JerseyGirl

I am dating someone in recovery.

Well, I met him in June, he was 2 years sober...but had a relapse. He is sober again, 6 weeks. But, there are issues - I was very involved in getting him help this last time, and his sobriety and reliance on AA meetings has a tremendous impact on our time, and in turn, on my life....but I wonder if al anon is more geared toward those who have an 'active' alcoholic in their life, or is it also helpful for those with a 'recovering' alcoholic. So many issues are the same, but so many others are different....

TinyBear

Hi JerseyGirl ---

Al Anon is for both. If you feel you've been affected by another person's alcoholism, it's for you. There are lots of different kinds of meetings, though, and sometimes it's good to try going to several meetings to see if there's a group or people there that have closer experiences to yours. It's certainly worth checking out, you will be readily welcomed.

ANGELINA243

I didn't start attending Alanon until after I had separated from my "active" alcoholic/significant other. I have found it helpful...even though we are no longer together. I think anyone can benefit from Alanon...whether dating a "sober" alcoholic, "drunk" alcoholic, or having previously been in a relationship with an alcoholic. It gave me tools of how to help take care of myself. Plus...it was revealed to me that I also suffered from codependency issues while in the relationship--which I didn't realize at the time. I would suggest going to a few Alanon meetings...give it a try...see what you think. What have you got to lose?

genrs123

i too attended alanon after i had separated from my active alcoholic (now x) boyfriend. I did attend a few meetings before we officially split. Anyway, IMHO it would be benficial to go even if your SO is in recovery. Its nice to focus on yourself instead of them. If my XABF was in recovery, id still probably be obsessive and wondering about him and his sobriety all the time, so id still need to go. this is different ofcourse since he was active during our relationship, but still.

i love al anon. i am so thankful for the program. just go and see what you think i guess. you may find it helpful, you may not.

CatsPajamas

I went to my first few meetings for HIM but I have stayed 14 years for ME. Al Anon has given me an entirely new set of tools to deal with other people in my world ~ all of them: family, friends, grocery store clerks, clients. These days, I think I use it more at work than anywhere else. No matter what kind of day someone is having, even if they lash out at me, I know that it's about THEM and not about ME. I'm able to do a quick check to see what my part of the interaction was and then I can go on about my day.

Al Anon taught me about boundaries: what they were, why I needed them, why I didn't have them and how to get them and maintain them.

Al Anon taught me to love myself, and taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.

Al Anon taught me that I don't need to rescue other people, in fact I might be hurting them more than helping them if I got in the way of them learning a life lesson.

And, most importantly, Al Anon saved my life. Pure and simple.

Give it a try. It certainly can't hurt!

Hugs
Cats